Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
« Go Back | Popular
I'm going on a school trip with a load of 5 & 6 year olds today.Please post your hilarious school trip anecdotes or inappropriate comments below.
Alt: You have an extra day this month. What will you do with it?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:13,
174 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
not notice, I imagine.Where are you taking them?
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
Please, these are 5 & 6 yr olds...We say bottom, not shitter.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
The Heritage Motor MuseumThen up on the moors to dispose of the bodies.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
remembermeasure twice, dig once.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:29,
Reply)
Just about related to school trip.
Alt: Well, I'm at a gig on the 27th, but I've no real plans aside from that, as of yet.
(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:22,
Reply)
School trip. My 4th year juniors class had a tour of the Kent village vicarage next to our school. It was very dull but much better than school.
I stole a picture of the vicar's daughter in a bikini (she was about 17 I suppose) and flashed it round the school afterwards.
I found the photo about 3 years later and I am ashamed to say that I used it for some gentlemans relaxation. I was 13 though, the Kays catalogue was favourite at the time.
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:25, Reply)
Doesn't that make her a paedophile by proxy?Vicar's daughters - ban this sick filth.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
i'm fairly sure that adults in a postiion of authority over anyone under 18 still counts as pedaophilia(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:38, Reply)
he said he was 13 at the timeso in fact she was just your average MILF.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
he got the digits wrong way round, he was 31 the dirty peado toucher(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I don't think there's an actual lawabout not be allowed to touch paedos.
(
Kroney, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:43,
Reply)
yeah, but you're 13, so she's a paedo.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:32,
Reply)
Ah, catalogue wanksI always enjoyed the sideboob action in the shower section.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:30,
Reply)
you sometimes got a hint of buttock in the showers tooAnd sunbeds if they sold them.
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:34,
Reply)
My finest momentI'd like to thank Littlewoods, Grattans and the local newspaper article on a winning young lady swimmer in a tight swimsuit climbing out of a pool all wet and slippery OH GOD OH GOD
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:54,
Reply)
I shall wait an extra day until payday - cuntsIn other news, morning all. Bit slippy today innit?
My Metro to work was delayed 25 mins as the driver of one in front got out to check something and fell over. The dozy cunt
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:35,
Reply)
Hahaha
I was sat on a train at Fenchurch Street once that was delayed 'waiting for a driver', then one ran past the window and fell over. Five minutes later they said 'We are sorry to announce the train currently standing on Platform 2 has been cancelled due to an injury to the driver'
(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
Proper ambulance job and everything apparently(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
i was once on a train at euston which was delayedbecause the driver was late for work
because HIS train was late
fucking virgin
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
Not even the sexy ones?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:40,
Reply)
june 1990 - the cheshire showwe were 11. the coach backed over a poodle in the car park and there were many tears.
and one of the boys drew on the temptingly shiny bald head of our form teacher. there were also many tears.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
pretty sure my girlfirends going to do that irish thing and propose on feb 29th(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:39, Reply)
Do you know who she plans to propose to?(
Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:41,
Reply)
is your name really gary?you don't LOOK like a gary.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
my actual name is even worse, but it sounds alot like gary so people call my that(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:54, Reply)
i was going to say you look more like a barryor possibly a kevin. or a norman.
hmmm. NORMAN.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:57,
Reply)
harry's not too badlarry? that's pretty hein.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:00,
Reply)
my friend has 2 dogs called harry and sallyi want her to mate them because they are so different that the puppies would be LOLHILARIOUS, but she says they're just friends.
ok not really, one of them's a eunuch.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:03,
Reply)
are you a rachel like rachel aniston, rachel weisc, rachel mcadams, rachel bilson, rachel reillyor rachel ..... i've spent ages but i can't find any fat famous women called rachel :(((
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:05, Reply)
"ages"? that's about 2 minspoor mrs q (the second). i bet her idea of you spending "ages" is VERY different to yours.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:06,
Reply)
my reply was 6 mins after things who i was replying to6 minutes is enough, LQ is unbelivably easy to please, for real
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:11, Reply)
you've been a colonel for an awfully long timei'm worried about your career progression.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:57,
Reply)
why does that sound like a euphemism?i've been on here too long.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:04,
Reply)
i'm good thank you for asking coloneli ordered my girlfriend's valentines last night, it had an army theeme to it like you
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:57, Reply)
he'll probably be back at some pointthey always come back
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:14,
Reply)
:O oh fuck did i really mention him here or have you just picked a name at random?:( poor malc
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:44, Reply)
There is so much wrong and unbelievable about my 'School trip gone bad' storythat it would be a full length QOTW answer to tell it and it would be met with 'INTERNET LIES' responses by all and sundry.
So I keep that one to myself.
(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
I actually haven't got time either, sorry.I'll find an excuse to squeeze it in to a QOTW one day and let you know when I have.
(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:47,
Reply)
Third time of posting:On my brother's German exchange a boy crapped himself down a Dutch mine.The stench was appalling and the teachers tried to claim it was sulphur from the mine. When they came back to the surface the lad had a giant brown reeking stripe down the back of his trousers. They were cream chinos, unfortunately. The teachers tried to form a human shield around him as all the other boys were running around to the back of the group to witness at first hand his epic skidmark.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:52,
Reply)
You cannot beat someone crapping themselves as a source of humour.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:54,
Reply)
Apart from the Holocaust, obv.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:55,
Reply)
A phaal makes me shit better(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:11,
Reply)
gonzo doesn't appreciate people posting stories about him on the internet(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:55, Reply)
my friend did camp america and had 2 kids shit themselves. one was about 6, which was bad enough, and he tried to disguise it by doing a dance, but everyone saw the shit fly out of the end of his trousers.
the second was about 11. they had to throw him into the lake on the way back (disguised as impromptu swimming) because the smell was making them all retch.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 9:59,
Reply)
ha, i never got to do anything cool like camp americai spent my summer holidays working TWO JOBS. urgh.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:02,
Reply)
Was one "job" out of a trouser leg and the other in a lake?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:03,
Reply)
i was expecting a gob-job jokei don't know if you have exceeded or failed to meet my expectations here.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:05,
Reply)
I expect failed.....I can do failed
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:05,
Reply)
On my friend's stag week in Puerto Banus (it was horrible)one lad sauntered down to the pool, making ribald remarks and generally being a penis. Suddenly a look of concern, and then one of horror flashed across his previously cocky face, and he backed away slowly towards the stairwell. Five minutes later he's back, in a different pair of shorts. Considerably quieter and less of a twat. For a bit.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:06,
Reply)
^ second time of posting, at least.SOZ EVERYONE, SOZZERS.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:07,
Reply)
You don't want to let Shambo know you are PEAROASTING! He'll go mental.
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:12, Reply)
ha i can almost sympathise with thatthings i learned in barbados: if you jump in the very choppy sea in a strapless swimming costume, it WILL come off (but nobody will see, luckily for them) and it WILL get so ram jammed full of sand that you will look as if you are packing some serious caribbean cock as you stagger, half-drowned, back onto the beach. and it WILL be so stuck in the lining that you WON'T be able to get it out.
but don't panic and push it to the back, eh? that is NOT a good look as you realise your towel is all the way back at the pool...
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:09,
Reply)
The first half was a bit shitBut the second was good. Felt like a proper cup tie. Good goals all round. Fingers crossed Boro will get into the playoffs
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:18,
Reply)
Yeah, especially that ginog's. Yeah hopefully.
This is the point where I say I'm glad we got knocked out, we can concentrate on the league, [insert further clichés here].
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:21, Reply)
It was a cracking goal from him, yesNo shame in how you lot played last night
McMahon appears to be a bit of a whingy twat mind. The left back was cracking and Main seems like he has a lot of talent
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:23,
Reply)
oh man me and LQ were wathcing rex the runt last nightshe didn't believe me about the random pavorotti disease
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:28, Reply)
Yeah Bennett is one to watch likeApparently we were offered 6million for Rhys Williams a couple of weeks ago and turned it down. Can't imagine that though to be honest.
The whole team played well, except for Emnes but he's barely fit.
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:55, Reply)
hahahahahahahaThat's made me laugh. Quite an achievement after my dealing with ex last night.
Highlight: 'your sister got AIDS from shagging black men'. I am still in shock that someone can so unpleasant.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:13,
Reply)
WHAT????that woman is pure toxic.
she must be related to bert.
poor you, what a vile bitch.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:14,
Reply)
She sounds delightfulWTF has that whole topic got to do with your daughter?
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:14,
Reply)
How silly of meSorry everyone
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:16,
Reply)
Ah, you see I asked her weeks ago if I could switch days with my kid this weekend.I asked her again last night as it's nearly the weekend and was told no because her folks are coming up. I had the temerity to suggest that perhaps she could ask them to come the next day so that my mother could see her grandaughter.
You see? No?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:16,
Reply)
It's worse than you think.My sister does indeed have HiV - she got this from being kidnapped and repeatedly raped whilst doing charity work in Namibia.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:18,
Reply)
someone say something about rachel being fat to lighten the mood plz(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:20, Reply)
how can fat lighten the mood?silly quentin.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:35,
Reply)
Thanks. It's fucking horrible, eh?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:22,
Reply)
your poor sisterand your daughter, I'd have a quiet word with her mum or her family if i were you
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:25, Reply)
Her family are pikeys: her mother is a large part of the problem.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:34,
Reply)
As such, this does indeed seem like a great reason to take the pissIt is funny right? No?
Stupid bitch
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:20,
Reply)
Holy fuck for that happening in the first place,And another Holy fuck for your exes comments.
You sound like a good Father to that little girl. Which is lucky, because with a Mother like that she needs you to be.
(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:24,
Reply)
I have learnt a great deal about how nasty humans can be from her.I was blissfully ignorant for decades.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:36,
Reply)
Jesus wept.that's pretty fucking low.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:36,
Reply)
HahahahaWould you like a spoon with which to stir my porridge, or do you have your own?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:41,
Reply)
I hope to Christ your wee one gets her moral compass from her father MontsCos your ex is a weapons-grade basket-case.
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:49, Reply)
Myself and my friend downed a 2l bottle of Iron Bru each on a trip to that activity centre that the last year of primary schools go to, I think it's called Kingswood.We really really needed to pee and they wouldn't stop the bus, so we went in the bottles, except there was more than 2l worth of piss, so we used our coats (didn't think to put a lid on the bottle) to hold them and get rid of them when we stopped. It was slippery and I lost grip of the bottle, THEN, the bus stopped or speed up, can't remember, and the bottle rolled all the way down the bus releasing piss everywhere.
Do you remember when someone wrote graphiti at school, when they did those hand-writing tests and said they would get in the police? As an adult, YEAH RIGHT, like that'll happen.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:41,
Reply)
I also used to reguarly piss in bushes on the way home from the pub or the sweet shop. I'm mortifide at the thought, I once took a piss about 3 houses down's bush, in broad daylight. How the hell didn't I make it home? How comes you never see kids pissing in bushes these days?
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:44,
Reply)
They get all their pisses on the internet now.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:45,
Reply)
i saw a boy peeing in a bush a couple of days ago, my girlfriend poited it outi reported him to the council
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 11:04, Reply)
Gonz, if you produced 4 1/2 pints of piss in one go I'd be well worried.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:44,
Reply)
Once you break the seal, I can piss like a racehorseI'd dread to think how much
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:46,
Reply)
I can tell you it's less than a litre in one goor you'd be involutarily pissing yourself.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 11:01,
Reply)
How much do those big bottles take in the mid 90s? I'm sure they were 2l.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:47,
Reply)
yeah. they didbut mate, 2L of piss is .... too much. Your bladder can hold about 800mL absolute max, and if you hit a certain level pissing is involuntary, you can't stop it.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:55,
Reply)
Oh shit, it was both of us pissing in the same bottle (naturally one at a time) now I think about it.That makes more sense.
(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 11:38,
Reply)
2L is 3.52 pints.I know this because I spent half of my mid-teens in off licenses performing complicated strength/volume/price equations.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:54,
Reply)
Fair dosMy mind isn't on it today.
Still, it's about 3 times the capacity of a human bladder.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 10:56,
Reply)
I may indeed.However, it's the same size as any other fucker's.
(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 11:00,
Reply)
(, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Damn you, TheColonel - that was supposed to be a secret.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 9 Feb 2012, 11:10,
Reply)
« Go Back | Reply To This »