Special request thread going out to my man P-J straight out of the oven glove massive in Caaarnwaaall.
Ladies' bums. Like them or loathe them, they're here to stay.

Tell us about your ladies' bum escapades.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:49, 73 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I've touched a ladies bum once.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)

TRUELAD!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)

my vegetarian, raised catholic, privately educated girlfriend
farts like a fucking trucker

they don't smell though
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:51, Reply)

My Vegan housemate fucking stinks.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)

weird huh?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:53, Reply)

What, truckers?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)

No, dogs with no nose.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)

of all the truck cabs i've been in i'd say that they absolutely stink

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:53, Reply)

sucking your way accross the country.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:55, Reply)

hey when the helicopters in the garage i have to get to work somehow

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:57, Reply)

Hanger surely?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)

no, she did it herself!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:05, Reply)

I likes ladies bottoms, they are all nice and smooth and not hairy and horrid like men-bottoms.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)

One of my ex's university friends
had the biggest arse I've ever seen on anything that wasn't bovine.
( Kroney, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:53, Reply)

My father's second wife,
in an act of splendid irony, was a slim lawyer when he ran off with her. My mother was a housewife carrying some extra weight. The second the wedding ring was on, she left her job and piled on about five stone.

By the time he left her she looked like Obelix from behind, whilst the stress of it all cost my mother any excess weight she'd had, and she set up a gardening business. Hahaha father: un-luckyyyyy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:57, Reply)

so you're saying that before you would have done your step mum but now you'd do your mum?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:06, Reply)

I'm not that fussy tbh.
I've had them both.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:06, Reply)

splendid

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:07, Reply)

The thing is, when I was doing my mum,
I couldn't get the feeling out of my head that my grandparents were watching over us.

So I told them to get out of the fucking room.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:11, Reply)

o_O

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:12, Reply)

It is a simple enough system:
If the Fucking Room door is closed, don't come in.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:13, Reply)

If the fucking room's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:16, Reply)

You're not exactly in a VIP elite there y'know.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:08, Reply)

My wife was by no means huge when I married her.
With the wedding cake still not quite finished, she managed to pile the lard on with great gusto.

We split up 3 years ago. If anything, her arse is even bigger these days. Still, someone else's problem now.

Indicentally, my current GF has the most fantastic arse I've ever laid my hands on.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:08, Reply)

There is a woman at work with Kristen Scott Thomas's face and Yogi Bear's arse.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)

You can buy anything on Ebay

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:57, Reply)

Would it be better if it were vice versa?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)

Doubt it.
I have never seen such a combination of skinny top half and massive lower half. Like this:

_______|_______
(_______________)
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:00, Reply)

you need <pre> tags

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)

I know not of what you speak

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)

You know how <s> and </s> puts a strike through <pre> and </pre> mark it as pre-formated so it doesn't try to move shit around.

         /this
              /with the pre tags 

/Turns into
/This without
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:04, Reply)

Ah! Thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:05, Reply)

He can't do that pre-tag thing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:12, Reply)

10/10

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:15, Reply)

Fantastic.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:31, Reply)

When I was in my early 20s
My girlfriend and I shared a house with one of my friends and his girlfriend.
My friend's girlfriend revealed to mine one drunken night that when they had sex my friend would attempt to insert a finger up her bum. I've never looked at him the same since.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Oh man, next thing you know they'll put the lights on.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:58, Reply)

You think this is a good technique?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)

You think it isn't?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:02, Reply)

Some girls love it, some hate it,
it's not what I'd call weird.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:02, Reply)

She didn't seem impressed by it
I'm looking at you differently now too.
(But not CQ, I always knew he was a deviant)
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:04, Reply)

At every opportunity.
I see no virtue in ignorance or inexperience.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:07, Reply)

Do you have much experience in the field of account deletion and suicide?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:08, Reply)

Not as yet, no.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:09, Reply)

And the windscreen wipers.
That means anyone can join in.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:07, Reply)

Haha
Is there a more common and northern sexual practice out there than dogging?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:09, Reply)

I'll let you know tomorrow.
What time *is* your dad going out tonight?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:13, Reply)

He said to tell you: usual time.
Mum can't make it though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:14, Reply)

Damn.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:15, Reply)

You mean everyone doesn't do that?
*shifty*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:00, Reply)

I don't get this modern obsession with bottom sex
Exit only, please.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:02, Reply)

Meh, it can be fun.
like most stuff in the bedroom, sometimes it works some times not, but it's nice to try different things, if only to know what you/your partner enjoys.

In other words: YES, INTERNET I TOTALLY DID SEX WITH A LADY, OH YEAH!
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:06, Reply)

My friend used to go out with a girl who was slim on the top half, but had an absolutely massive arse
That was weird.

And as for my tale, here it is - b3ta.com/questions/sexyregrets/post1470076
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 15:57, Reply)

FELCHING
It's just a funny word
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:14, Reply)

Vaguely related tale from just now:
"Curvy" member of staff went running down the office. I (somewhat coarsely, but I don't like her) intoned: "Careful love, you'll knock yourself out". Cos she has really big norks, you see.

She yells over her shoulder "Tell me one I haven't heard!"

To myself (I'm not THAT much of a bastard) I muttered "OK - you're really attractive"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:22, Reply)

Don't leave us hanging like that

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:23, Reply)

I have no idea what you mean

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:24, Reply)

You're mean.
I'm glad you're not my friend anymore.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:25, Reply)

I think it's fairly well documented that I have body image issues.
This means that I'm very critical of my own body, and just as critical of other people's - you know when you see the fat bird in town and you think 'why on earth would you wear that outfit?'...

anyway, I was work at Bristol Airport a couple of years ago, and in the public loos I saw a really fit looking woman. While I was drying my hands at the blow dryer thing, I was sneaking a sly look at her arse, wishing mine was that nice.

Not too bad, except for the fact that I looked up and realised we were both standing in front of a massive mirror, and she could see me totally checking out her arse.

My name is b3th and I'm a massive pervert.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:24, Reply)

Hey! You stay on that diet and you'll be a medium-sized pervert in no time!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:26, Reply)

Woo hoo!
I'm still not safe to be let out in public though.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:29, Reply)

Very few here are. Even fewer are allowed out in public off the leash.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:30, Reply)

My vegetarian , catholic raised, whore of a girlfriend regularly fucks tramps for meth.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:31, Reply)

She knows Boyce intimately then.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:32, Reply)

Like I can afford meth.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:34, Reply)

I assumed you stole it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:35, Reply)

hi bobby, congratulations this is very witty

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:34, Reply)

hi bobby, you're breaking my heart
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:36, Reply)

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:43, Reply)

our friend in the saaaaaahf
does like a good rump.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:36, Reply)

I didn't comment in this thread
So I will now.

My wife has a hot arse and I really like it but I am not allowed near it these days so I have started looking at other girls arses, thankfully a lot of 18 year old student types have very nice arses and I work in a university.
( Peej, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 16:50, Reply)

year month
university nursery

NONCE!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 17:05, Reply)

I see.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 21 Mar 2012, 17:05, Reply)