Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Would you believe, they put a man on the moon?Would you also believe that I just had your mum up the old 'Bourneville Boulevard' and nearly got my bollocks in too?
You should do, because it's true. Her gaping 'Gadd' is fucking ruined. Her farts just sound like yawns now. Like a broken hovercraft.
EDIT: make up a plausible term for a deviant sexual act. I just made up 'the hairy sunglasses'. Now you.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 16:52,
126 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
I am very, very bored indeed.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 16:55,
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extreme dangerwank.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 16:56,
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I might run into my boss's office and give him the old 'hairy sunglasses'.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 16:57,
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I don't know what this isbut I can guess. Does it involve dangling your clockweights in front of his eyes?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:00,
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Do her farts sound like yawns or a broken hovercraft?easy on the similies "Spanky"
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 May 2012, 16:57,
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Sorry, the ultimate insult is 'NakedApe'.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 16:59,
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they sound like Liam Neeson chasing chickens in a barrel.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:09,
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i wish my bum were as big as my mumsI'd feel less like a linebacker and my jeans would fit better
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 2 May 2012, 16:58,
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he looks after his own, apparentlyselfish cunt.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:08,
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wanking over "Harvey"or to indulge in a "sticky black spastic"
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 May 2012, 16:59,
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I call that 'paying the Price'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:00,
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can you decline "ciabatta" ?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:14,
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Sure.'No ciabatta for me, thanks'
LOLOLOLOLOL
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:16,
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ROFL.the "reverse Latin misundertanding"
A neglected arm of comedy, I've always felt.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:19,
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in this instance 'boyce' means woolworthsas in 'financially fucked'
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:08, Reply)
As in 'an institution loved by children', you mean?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:10,
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You're not really trying here.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:11,
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does that involve wrapping a cock in neoprene for some reason?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:13,
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Don't pretend you don't know.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:15,
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to make it 'larp safe' perhaps?(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:15,
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Is that what you call it?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:20,
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well you need at least5 milimeters of foam over the solid core
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:21,
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5mm of foam isn't going to do much to protect you if it's wrapped around a fuckoff sword, is it?or someone's cock
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:22,
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there's not usually a real sword insideand I ain't seen a cock in some time
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:24,
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boo.to both.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:25,
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woot, larp is in the OEDwww.oed.com/view/Entry/329843
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:11,
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Woot indeed. Woot, I say. Woot.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:12,
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you reply to yourself a lotdoes more than one person use your account like with me?
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)
Not any more. I nicked my name back - now everyone wants to be you instead.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:17,
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i knew this would cheer you upour kind are now validated
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:12,
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Don't tar me with your madey-uppy world of nonsense.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:13,
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OKDon't spatchcock me with your madey-uppy world of nonsense.
Happy now?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:19,
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s'posenow click the little sound icon link by the word. This makes me giggle every time
www.thefreedictionary.com/spatchcock
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:20,
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That wasn't funny......the first time.
But by the time I'd made her say it 8 times in a row it was fucking hilarious, thank you.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:21,
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her?it's a him when I do it
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:24,
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oh wait!if you click the emglish and american ones it's different than the blue one by the word itself
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:25,
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So it is.That bloke sounds incredibly creepy saying that.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:29,
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I WORK IN A LIBRARY!!!!!!!!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:25,
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i didn't know you could read(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:37,
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A SpankyHankyIt means jizzing into a hanky and then showing it to friends and family members at an important function such as a wedding.
oh, wait, you said 'plausible'
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:12,
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the "surprise plasterer"where, whilst taking ones ladyfriend from behind and approaching the vinegars, you pull out and spit on her back. Assuming that you've finished, she'll turn round, and you can immediately go full fathom spaff in her face.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:12,
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Now that is an excellent idea.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:17,
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if it was a profanisauraus it should really have been "approaching the billy mill roundabout"(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:18,
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When I spaff in a girl's face I like to simultaneously yell"HADOUKEN!"
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Kroney, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:16,
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he probably does, you know.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:18,
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on the underground.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:19,
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"Oh, I'm terribly sorry madam"I was aiming for the chap to your left"
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Kroney, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:20,
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Oh, man, that actually made me properly laugh.good work for a wednesday.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:21,
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That's a 'Paul Daniels'Only you're supposed to accompany it with the phrase 'That's magic!'
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:22,
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bollocks, I knew there would actually be a real phrase for it.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:23,
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Also known as the Spiderman, I believe...(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:32,
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I believe in that caseyou are encouraged .. no, obliged .. to catch your spaff in your hand and then fling it at her, whilst shouting "go web, go!"
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:34,
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That's the one.I wonder if anyone's actually ever done these, or if they are made up by 14-year-olds who have heard of both sex and comics.
Wait, that's also b3ta. Ah, I see.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:35,
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I have. Loads of times, actually.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:44,
Reply)
The ‘Sutcliffe’s Jumper’When you bang one out, fully clothed, but with your entire cock and bollocks hanging out of your fly.
Needs a bit of work, this one.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:23,
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as abovebut you wank whilst holding a claw hammer?
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:24,
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The 'Saville Row'Where you line up a load of corpses on the slab in the morgue and bum them all in turn whilst smoking a cigar and shouting 'now then, now then'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:27,
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Hahahhaah.That's a brilliant end to my day at work, thank you.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:30,
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My pleasure. I confess I am rather pleased with it.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:35,
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jingle jangle boys and girls. jingle jangle.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:30,
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the "steamboat wille"rather than letting her swallow, hold her mouth and nose shut and tickle her until it comes out of her ears.
Possibly.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:29,
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The Sticky HolepunchWhereby you punch your beau right in the hole.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:30,
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You've actually done this one, haven't you?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:33,
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What can I say, Monts old boy?There are holes all over London that have been violated by my greasy fist.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:34,
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What a delighful thought.All lubed up with Danish bacon fat.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:35,
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And, errr, Hans Christian Andersen books.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:39,
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And, right, Whigfield.And Great Danes. And Vikings. And Carlsberg.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:44,
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Yeah!!!!!!Right - my turn.
Vidkun Quisling!!!!!!!! Hang on, that's not one.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:45,
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DANISH PASTRIES!!!!!!!!!I knew there was one more.
That's definitely all of them now.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:46,
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Basically, that's Denmark.That, and a sense of smugness that - as flat and as featureless the country may be - it will never, ever be Germany.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:51,
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At a guess,Clot noodle: allowing noodles to clump together as they cool enough to be penetrated
Gaping womble: To bend over with your legs spread wide, allowing your underground and overground to be free
Grim Queefer: Someone who's clunge smells like something died inside.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:23,
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The Gypsy TarmacWhereby you turn your spaff black by drinking 20 pints of guiness before unloading yourself on to an unsuspecting pensioner. And then getting them to pay you for it.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:55,
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When fellating someone on a sunbedto avoid lasting eye damage, position any available testicles over the eyes as a screen.
-source: 1974 Health and safety in the work place act, paragraph 14(c), H&S regulations pertaining to pornographic film sets, discount hotel furnishings and the drunk.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:09,
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this is good advice(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:12,
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I do all the health and safety stuff at work (
willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:16,
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Chemistry lab but close.
For instance I did take delivery of a litre of chloroform today
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:20,
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:20,
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For me unless your orgasm can be calculated to be p>0.05 It dosen't count.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:25,
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science geeks have the best sex talkdo you offer multiple orgasms on the basis that you need a more representative sample?
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:27,
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YesThe reason that many geeks seem virginal is simply because they are the control group.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:29,
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the others are just too busy to be out in public(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:32,
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I am struggling to think of an angleat which this would be feasible.
(, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:16, Reply)
The person being fellated (The fellatee?)Lies face down allowing their testicles to droop. The person doing the fellating, lies face up at an angles that allows the testicles to cover their eyes.
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willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 2 May 2012, 18:19,
Reply)
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