Oh this is the perfect thread for me today.
Royal Mail, Parcelforce, two eBay sellers and some online book shop that have really fucked me over this afternoon.
But life's too short to be angry for too long, I'm a happy chappy overall so it's all gravy init. Not letting the above arseholes dictate how I feel.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:16, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

likes
U go gurlfriend ! xxx
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:19, Reply)

I have sold some jeans today and have a CD winging its way to me from eBay

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:22, Reply)

jeans genes.

Spermbanklols.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:24, Reply)

It is really hard to spunk into the CD drawer

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:24, Reply)

I got my iphone today, it fucking rocks, I love it. It's so easy to make calender events and stuff now.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:36, Reply)

iPhone 4S?
Good luck with the battery life.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:37, Reply)

are you threatening to batter gonzo's life?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:40, Reply)

I simply leave mine plugged in, solves this problem in a flash

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:41, Reply)

or you know, turn off bluetooth and wifi
and anything else thats on that doesn't need to be

or just get a better phone that doesn't need to keep sending data back to apple every 2 minutes so they know when you're having a shit and which hand you're wiping with
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:44, Reply)

OR fucking kill yourself (not you Quint)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:45, Reply)

cheers monty, the more we encourage suicide here the more likely its gonna happen eventually

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:47, Reply)

Here's hoping.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:50, Reply)

The turning off the apps thing is an illusion.
Apps have 5 running modes, Active, Inactive, Susspended, Background & one more that I can't remember. When they're in (I think, I might be mixed up on some of these)...
- susspended, they aren't running any proccesses, so aren't using any battery life. Only memory, which gets diverted away from the app if it's not in use.
- Inactive: Not used or open or background or anything. Doesn't use anything.
- Active: Open fully and that's whats infront of you.
- Background: Still has push notifications, doesn't matter if its 'open' or not.
- The 5th one: Same as Active, but there is a lock screen infront of it.

It is very clever with it's memory and proccessor allocation. The bar should be reffered to as 'recently used' rather than 'multi-tasking'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:57, Reply)

What about the 6th secret one
which tells you who the sockpuppets are?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:58, Reply)

But you're spot on about Wifi and Bluetooth, and you can stop the reporting thing; I turned it off straight away.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:00, Reply)

this is why i like people who know more than i do

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:02, Reply)

I'll be honest, I accdiently stumbled across a video that explained this yesterday while I was in "OMG NEW TOY" mode, rather than knew it from one of my technical levels.
But as someone who plans to make an app someday, its handy to know. I feel being a smug iPhone developer is like putting on some well loved slippers, in that respect.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:09, Reply)

you should make an app which tells you the status of all the other apps
you could call it appapp
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:11, Reply)

There is one for OSX which deletes them called ZapApp or something like that.
I could never hope to create a pun based app better than that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:12, Reply)

how about app-end, it could do the same as the one you mentioned but sounds posher

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)

Let's try.
'Pony and App'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)

brapp-brap
an app for talking like a wigger
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)

'Appa Mundi'
/moderately highbrow
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:13, Reply)

'App-alachian Mountains'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:14, Reply)

app-arition
an app that does ghost sounds
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:14, Reply)

very gooOOOoood.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:15, Reply)

'A-wAPP-bopa lula-awAPP-bam-boom'
This one needs work.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:15, Reply)

wr-app
an app that lets you take a photo of a present you need to wrap,a nd based on the shape of it tell you the best way to wrap it
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:16, Reply)

Oh man I want this one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:18, Reply)

damned useful around christmas and birthdays
i'm not bad at wrapping things but nothing is square anymore
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:25, Reply)

My secret skill is wrapping bottles.
I can make them look great.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:28, Reply)

man you ain't tougher than an axolotl
don't be comin round here cos you ain't got the bottle

that kind of thing?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:30, Reply)

Precisely.
last year I 'battled' the entire pile of presents under my tree AND WON.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:33, Reply)

'Afternoon nAPP'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:16, Reply)

j-app
i dunno a smiley face with slitty eyes
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:17, Reply)

Wait a minute.
My ‘Affirmative APPtion’ is messaging me about this post.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:18, Reply)

off to the birkenapp with you

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:19, Reply)

its a tr-app
an encyclopedia of star wars quotes for every occasion
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:18, Reply)

I'm starting to think Gonz's heart's not really in this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:19, Reply)

maybe we should quit y-app-ing

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:21, Reply)

It's s-app-ing my will to live, a little.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:22, Reply)

s-app would be a good name for an app full of maple syrup recipes

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:24, Reply)

Oh contree mon cherie.
I promise you, within 3 months, I shall have at least one of these suggestions done.

I hate to say this but my initial thoughts are to do a "brapp-brap", when you shake the phone it does the the finger-clapping thing and says a random sound like "YEAH' BOI'" and "SAFE BLUD".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:23, Reply)

its a good idea but it could be a bit cr-app

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:23, Reply)

I think I need some App-tamil follow-on milk.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:26, Reply)

have a b-app with that

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:26, Reply)

Jesting aside
I reckon 'apptitude' might be a goer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:26, Reply)

what does it do? i bet there's anlready an app called aptitude

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:27, Reply)

It's so good I bet you're right.
Something that helps you find the right app for what you want or some shit?

What do I know? I have a fucking Nokia.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:32, Reply)

GOT IT!!!
'Fwapp' - a porn app.

THIS IS GOLD HERE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:34, Reply)

No smut in the app store I'm afraid.
They have Over 18 apps, but no proper decent get your willy out smut.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:36, Reply)

Damn. I thought I'd got a great one there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:37, Reply)

how about an app that when you unplug the headphones
It plays a little animation of how to wrap them up so they don't get tangled.

It probably wouldn't have an amusing pun on the word 'app'in the name though.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:41, Reply)

'Wr-APP up your cans you Deacon'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:42, Reply)

GOT IT!!! Pt.2
One that plays 'I've got the Power' when your phone's fully charged, called 'SN-APP'


God I'm good.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:43, Reply)

‘Affirmative APPtion’ – tells you if something is RACIST.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 17:17, Reply)

Dude, that's your television.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:46, Reply)

Yup, and, ermm.... thank you. I think.
Good luck with your phone's battery life too, may it last you all day and all night. May everybody's battery life last all day and all night, and god bless us all.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:52, Reply)

my battery lasts 2-3 days sometimes
but thats only when i haven't been homme for a bit and i forgot my charger (not the horse kind)
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:53, Reply)

Mine lasts six months.
And my dad's in the SAS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:57, Reply)

The gods _have_ been kind to you. I am ever so pleased that your battery life lasts you the time required.
I'd wish you more good luck with your battery life, but I can see you don't need it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 May 2012, 16:58, Reply)