I am more than happy to assist anyone who likes, and the majority of people who don't, in dying.
Alt: cognac, beer, wine, massive drugs, crisps*. I'd have a great fortnight before I croaked.

* not really, crisps are shit

Thought for the day: in Islam it is considered arrogant and disrespectful to create images of people and animals of any kind - let alone of God or 'the prophet'. With this in mind is it not a little odd that it is deemed perfectly OK to actually name your son after Mohamed, as millions of imaginative Muslim parents do? So likening your progeny to their holiest prophet = fine, drawing a picture of a mangy dog = BURN HIM!!!!

FFS what is wrong with these cunts?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:16, 3 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

pork

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Bit early for me, ta.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:18, Reply)

chicken

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:19, Reply)

No, it's not cowardice, I'm just not hungry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Our canteen sells Halal coffee,
which I don't really understand. Does an Imam bless every bean thats roasted/ground?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:20, Reply)

They cut the beans open individually with a knife
NOT WITH A SPOON! ! ! !!111! azzz!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Halal/Kosher food is the most hilarious scam ever.
Biscuits = 79p
Same biscuits some shady cunt has mumbled some gibberish over = £1.50

Fucking mugs deserve all they get.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:22, Reply)

MORE ISLAMIFICATION OF THE NORTH WEST!!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:22, Reply)

Is this what you're calling for?
The Green Flag over Old Trafford?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:31, Reply)

this is what i love
a bit of racism and generalisation in the morning, smells like... victory
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:21, Reply)

It's not racist to point out an inconsistency in religious practice you cock.
Last time I checked Islam isn't a race. If it was it would come last, as it stopped to pray half way round the track.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:23, Reply)

POTD already

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:26, Reply)

you're generalising about an entire religion
i'm sure there are many more temperate muslims out there than most of us will ever get to see.

the only time i ever saw a muslim getting upset over a drawing was when that danish guy drew mohammed with a bomb on his head, and if someone in the middle east had done something similar in the middle east with a picture of jesus bombing afghan villages for oil, the church in this country would be just as pissed off, although it would probably only be the fundamentalists in the states burning flags and effigies, we brits are too ncie for all that
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I've studied Islamic art.
I can tell you now that human and animal representation is forbidden in the vast, vast majority of the Islamic world and has been since the C16th - and it's been getting more rabid since the end of the Ottoman Empire who were quite reasonable on such matters. Even their plant motifs are generally not based on real, identifiable plants for the same reason.

The only main exception still in evidence today is the tradition of wall painting found in Egypt along the main Hajj routes, where they do some (frankly shit) murals showing pilgims. Even there, their spasticated rules mean that they *deliberately* miss out shading, shadows etc so that they don't think they are trying to copy God. The end result is that perfectly decent artists deliberately do paintings that look like they were done by children.

Hope this helps x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:32, Reply)

AND THEY'RE SAND MONKEYS!

( Peej, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:33, Reply)

frickin doon coons

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:34, Reply)

How do they teach kids then?
What is this Mohammed?

*space in book where dog should be*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:36, Reply)

dog unclean animal
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Are you suggesting they're all backwards?
You despicable racist.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:39, Reply)

OK, space where God should be then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:40, Reply)

is it too late for me to say that their 'holy war' is pure bluster?
they know that they're hopelessly outgunned and outclassed by a more advanced civilisation, and their posturing is purely to big themselves up in front of their mates?

i had to go away for a bit as i was busy :(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 10:01, Reply)

Tell that to Salman Rushdie.
And the families of the people blown to pieces in terror attacks all over the world, all the fucking time.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 10:08, Reply)

tell that to the afghan villagers and iraqi citizens the west has blown to pieces in their tens of thousands
if we don't want to get our fingers burnt we leave them the fuck alone to sort their own shit out
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 10:20, Reply)

all religious people are stupid

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:32, Reply)

This is maybe the profoundest thing ever seen on these pages.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I thought so

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:35, Reply)

PS The idea of senior Church of England clergy declaring a fucking holy war
following some perceived slight by an Arab cartoonist is perhaps the most laughable suggestion you have ever made.

The two outlooks are utterly and completely opposed to each other. The Church in this country has moved on a little since the Middle Ages.

EDIT they are also stupid pricks though
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:37, Reply)

I think they would send in Sentamu
He kick their fucking cocks off
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:38, Reply)

5 times a lap surely?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:29, Reply)

How dare you!
Some of my best friends are racists.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Awwww
You never told us we are your BESTEST friends
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:26, Reply)

You're all my special friends.
+ needs
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:28, Reply)

I'll leave this window for you to lick first

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 19 Jun 2012, 9:29, Reply)