i got shitfaced at the wedding of
b3ta's very own

i managed to get mauled by a very nice but rather terrifying lass who tried to eat my face/tug me off with great force.. this would have been ok but i was sat in the back of a small family hatch sandwiched between her and her older brother, with her mum eyeballing proceedings in the rearview mirror. i escaped once the car journey ended although she pinned me up against a wall and tried to coerce me into taking her home first (the fact she could pin someone my size to a wall should fully explain the 'terrifying' part!)
i also managed to leave the do without paying my bar tab, which i rectified in the morning (early afternoon) when i came to and heard the messages on my phone.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:15, 4 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Yeh they were trying to get my mother to pay your quite frankly impressible bar tab.
I actually found a picture of the lass in question HERE I'd forgotten that she tried to pull you off in front of her own mother and brother, classy bird.
( Peej, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:23, Reply)

haha, I actually clicked on that as well
well played sir. Textbook.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:25, Reply)

Oh, the huge manatee?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)

it was a solid effort on my part
considering the cheap prices at the venue (compared to laaahndun) i should also mention that because i didn't confirm till the last minute and didn't therefore have a dinner, i drank steadily, on my own until you'd finished making speeches, eating, toasting, etc and were ready to dance, by whcih time i was absolutely fucking banjoed.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:34, Reply)

You think I wasn't?
I drank champers and 18year old scotch for breakfast and then went to the pub. Had a few rum and cokes and then went to the church. then drank a bottle of fizz on the horse and carriage and shared one in the rolls royce. It a damn good thing I didn't need to do a speech.
( Peej, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:36, Reply)

you did look slightly glazed
in all the photos.
i still have guilt for calling down providence by going 'someone's gonna trip over the bride's train in a minute! hope it's not phil...

boom
gimpwalking on the honeymoon
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:52, Reply)

I can't believe that Swipe would conduct herself like that in front of her family.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)

You can take the girl out of the North...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:27, Reply)

i was trying to tactfully skirt around the issue of her size
but i ran out of petrol
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:26, Reply)

hahaha!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:27, Reply)

I believe the Spike Milligan quote was "I'll never get over you darling, I'll have to get up and go round".

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:29, Reply)

HI FACT FANS!
Her brother was drunk at a party and squeezed my wifes arse. He then fell over and broke his front teeth in half.

Justice!
( Peej, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:29, Reply)

was she ur wife at the time?
i must say you took it well, and HAVE BARELY MENTIONED IT SINCE IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:31, Reply)

Have I gone on about it? Sorry
It was a few weeks ago.
( Peej, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:33, Reply)

ah right this is more recent? eek.
i thought you meant the original source of the jokes
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:34, Reply)

I dunno what you're on about.
But we were at Tom the guitarist from the bands house and the brother of your manatee was squeezing her arse and she kept pushing him away and then he drunkenly face planted the concrete steps. Smashed his front teeth and cut his face up. LOL!
( Peej, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:38, Reply)

i'd touch your wife's arse too, i bet she wouldn't be frigid with a real man

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:40, Reply)

Probably not
and I wouldn't blame you, its a fine arse
( Peej, Tue 26 Jun 2012, 16:41, Reply)