Q: What did the man* ring the police about seeing at a distance in a swimming pool in St Osyth this weekend?
A: A Lino

*the man was also a dyslexic
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:29, 46 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

MY EYES THE GOGGLES THEY DO NOTHING

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:32, Reply)

I wanted to laugh.
Really I did.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:39, Reply)

surely in a swimming pool it would be a lilo
the lino's natural habitat would be a kitchen, or bathroom.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:41, Reply)

This was one of the flaws.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:42, Reply)

FLOORS!!!
Geddit?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:43, Reply)

IM THE FUNNY ONE IN THIS THREAD

(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:44, Reply)

NOT BY ANY EVIDENCE SO FAR PROVIDED

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:47, Reply)

+ LOOKING

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:57, Reply)

drunk with power

(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:03, Reply)

You're only jealous.
And funny looking.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:09, Reply)

Oh Chompy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:42, Reply)

I'm just trying to save offtopic.
Dunno why I bother
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:44, Reply)

save it US military style perhaps

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:47, Reply)

Why do you hate freedom??1?!??!

(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:02, Reply)

Me neither, old boy.
Well shit innit?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:52, Reply)

I blame the mods.
Couldn't run a piss up in a brewery.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:56, Reply)

Fucking useless shitcunt mod bastards.
Couldn't run a lawnmower in a SHED.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:58, Reply)

And dull as ditchwater, the lot of them.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:59, Reply)

And well fucking gay.
And nonces.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:01, Reply)

I'm fairly sure I got regular
LTI comments for less.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:52, Reply)

I for one have always championed your gags.
I may have LTI'd you for them but only out of 'tough love'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Now tell them the one about the dyslexic Roman
who wrapped himself up in a goat...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Yes, tell us that one!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:55, Reply)

Or the dyslexic insomniac agnostic

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:56, Reply)

I don't like that one as much.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:57, Reply)

I prefer the one about the black Jew.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:58, Reply)

Go on...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:59, Reply)

He had to get to the back of the gas chamber!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:02, Reply)

The one that cleans windows?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 15:59, Reply)

:\

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:01, Reply)

Alright chompy,
I've just been trying to finish tonights quiz. Last week the losing team asked for a specialist round on 50 shades of grey. Now, I knew the book was going to be trashy, but my god its worse than I expected. I feel a bit sick.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:06, Reply)

EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:08, Reply)

I also, as part of my research, had a look at other bad sex scenes in literature.
The one Tony Blair wrote about Cherie was vomit inducing.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:13, Reply)

I can just imagine this round of the quiz...
Question 1: Charles put his hand roughly on Sylvia's silken thigh. What root vegetable was he brandishing in his other hand?

Question 2: As Sylvia bounced around on Charles rampant throbbing member at the Christmas party, what did the other guests pretend to be doing to avoid embarrassment?

Question 3: When Fytch the gardener caught Sylvia and Lady Annabel comparing clitoris sizes in teh summer house, what did he offer to do for them?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:17, Reply)

i chickened out,
And just am going with giving them 10 quotes from soft porn novels, and letting them guess which are from 50 shades. I can't read it out while people are eating.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:26, Reply)

Why do people
(by which I mean women) insist on reading shoddily written toss like that when there's perfectly good, well-written filth out there?

I saw my first copy of 50 Wanks at the bootsale this weekend. Give it another month, you won't be able to *give* the things away.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:09, Reply)

Please miss! I know miss! Miss!
1) people are blithering retards who deserve to die in agony
2) if 'everyone is talking about' something, loads of fucking mongols will want to read it so they're 'on-trend'. NB 'on-trend' is not a real term and was made up by precisely the kind of cunts who want to read something to be 'on-trend'
3) To annoy me. I cannot absolutely prove this but I am fucking certain of it.
4) Asylum seekers
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:12, Reply)

I'm not sure about that last one
but the first three are definitely right.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:14, Reply)

I've read a fair bit of it now,
and I can with all honesty say that anyone turned on by the turgid, stilted, poorly written, bizarre and even worrying metaphors this book is made up of needs a fucking blow torch to the eyeballs.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:15, Reply)

I am ready and willing to administer said blowtorching.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:16, Reply)

torch job
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:18, Reply)

stop it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:27, Reply)

Looks like she has.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:39, Reply)

Popular page is looking great
Well done you lot.

Lazy non clicking cunts the lot of you.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:39, Reply)

Nothing worth clicking is there

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:42, Reply)

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(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 Aug 2012, 16:44, Reply)