Travel
So this afternoon I fly home. Unfortunately I have to travel with RyanAir, so I know in advance it will be a shit experience.

Tell me your tales of travel; the worse the better, so I can feel better about my journey.

Alt: which B3tan that's stopped posting do you miss the most?

AltAlt: YM etc.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 7:46, 94 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Kiev to Donetsk in an Antonov ex troop - carrier
The oldest, most oil-streaked, patched up, uncomfortable heap of badly-maintained junk I've ever SEEN, never mind flown in! In - flight catering consisted of two half - filled vending machine cups of water and a barley sugar served (hah!) by surly, ill mannered staff.
Ryanair's luxury compared with that.
Alt: Disasterprone
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:08, Reply)

never mind flown in! In - flight catering consisted of two half - filled vending machine cups of water and a barley sugar served (hah!) by surly, ill mannered staff.
Ryanair's luxury compared with that, and I've slept with Pooflake
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:17, Reply)

Haha flight pikey

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:10, Reply)

SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:11, Reply)

SP

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:11, Reply)

No choice. Only airline that flies here directly from London everyday.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:16, Reply)

I got a flight in Transylvania once
and I was asked if I wanted an aisle or window seat. I asked for aisle so I'd have somewhere to put my massive legs. When I got on the plane I did a lol as it was so fucking small each seat was both aisle and window at the same time. Then when it took off the lolling stopped abruptly as the crate was about 50 years old and the pilot almost certainly pissed up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:14, Reply)

What on earth were you doing in Transylvania? Was this one of your 'gigs'?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:17, Reply)

A week's club DJing at the Transylvanian International* Film Festival
*it was about as international as Nick Griffin
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:21, Reply)

Alt:
Tuggers, Vippers, Wookiee, Lab, Crow, load of people.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:20, Reply)

+ Blousie

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:21, Reply)

'Loads of people + Blousie'?
Bit rude, Jeff.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:23, Reply)

+Bryan & HimJim.
But I miss Spanky's contributions to QOTW the most natch.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:23, Reply)

Captain Hood-Butter is the best thing about the internet of all time, ever.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:26, Reply)

What, better than apeloverage? Surely not.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:29, Reply)

I want to host a bash where it's just me,
Hood-Butter, Apeloverage, EmVee, Vagabond, Resident Loon, SuperMatt and Spanky.

I don't really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:31, Reply)

You forgot Legless and Ringoffyre.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:34, Reply)

How could I ?!!


Cheers
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:38, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Don't start that shit again PLEASE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:42, Reply)

Ha ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:43, Reply)

HEY JEFF!!!!
Just seen your new shirt in that other thread.

Arrange these two words to make a well-known name or phrase:

'May', 'James'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:42, Reply)

I flew in a Lear Jet from O'Hare to Preoria, Illinois in the middle of a thunderstorm.
this was in 2000 not long after there had been a couple of high profile lear jet crashes and I have never been so scared in my life. I swear you could even hear the shaking in the pilots voice as he tried to reasure us everything was fine.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:26, Reply)

I was on a small plane from Arkansas to Atlanta (on my way back from going to WalMart's head office in Bentonville) and the plane was struck by lightening.
I almost soiled myself.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:28, Reply)

<s>ton</s> + der more like!!!!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Shortarse prick.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:33, Reply)

Flew from Holland to Italy in a small plane, where the engines were so loud it was difficult to speak to anyone
As a 10 year old, this was quite annoying.

Alt: Lab, BGB, Crow, Wookie, DiT, Flim-Flam, etc
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:26, Reply)

DiT is fucking great value.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:32, Reply)

Pontypridd to Aberdeen.
My first train was at 5am so in my youthful wisdom, decided to neck some Mitsubishis and not bother going to bed. All was well until about 3am when I felt very ropey indeed. First train was relatively ok, but then at Bristol tragedy struck- Scottish passengers, long haul train journey, not even 7am. Pissed. Loudly pissed.

They stayed like that until Montrose. By that point my comedown had gone horribly sour. I can never sleep on trains, and by the time I got home I'd been up for nearly 48 hours.

Alt- Spankyhanky. Man, I loved his true tales of his wacky, sex-filled life.

Alt alt- I'd rather bum your dad than your mum, then again, she's so ugly there's little difference.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:27, Reply)

I liked the one where he took downblouse pictures of the girl on the train.
Because that was hilarious and not at all creepy and sex pest.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:45, Reply)

That's our Spanky!!!
Not a liar OR creepy. No sirree.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I fear it's the Jimmy Savile 'hiding in plain sight' syndrome
of saying things like this to make people think he couldn't possibly have been that pervy really when in fact he was much worse.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Wait...did I just accidentally accuse Spanky of being a nonce?
Oh well, never mind.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:51, Reply)

If he doesn't log in and deny it within the next ten seconds that means he is one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:52, Reply)

Well, I think that's that case closed then.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Well that is conclusive enough evidence for me.
Spanky is definitely a nonce, probably part of the b3ta mod paedophile ring.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:54, Reply)

I liked the one where he was a massive fucking helmet and not at all tiresome.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Alt: I miss all the fun, positive people who enjoyed each other's company and made this place very fluffy
Good guys like the Resident Loon, not the handful of cunts who came along and decided to make it /talk v2.0 and slag off everyone.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:36, Reply)

That's right!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:38, Reply)

:(

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:43, Reply)

You fucking wanker mong spastic cunt faced prick. Fuck off to /links.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:44, Reply)

you massive trolling spastic

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:45, Reply)

I would miss Naked Ape the most if he were to stop posting*



* This is the biggest lie I expect to say between now and Christmas.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:40, Reply)

So early for bullying

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Not in Poland.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:50, Reply)

The plane crashed and i died.
It was awful.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Oh no, Windy-woo - how frightfully sad!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:43, Reply)

You have no idea how traumatic it was for my family montpellier

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:45, Reply)

I have a better idea than most, General Piglington, for, you see, I love you.
I've loved you from the very first moment we met.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Frankly mr montsopop, its about time you kissed me.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:14, Reply)

I....I never dared hope this day would come.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Mmm...Pork Crackling.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:44, Reply)

crashed in the sea.
So more of a weak pork broth.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:46, Reply)

Wet Ham Man lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Damn you.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Wet Ham Man would've liked that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:48, Reply)

I hope you feel better now.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:47, Reply)

Feeling pretty good considering.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:48, Reply)

* something about pulled pork *

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:49, Reply)

Not another one of your masturbating b3tan fantasies.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:50, Reply)

Please God make him stop.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:51, Reply)

He gassed me a story about Clare Balding wanking over horse porn

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:54, Reply)

That was a mirror.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:57, Reply)

His name is short for Battered Bishop, don't you know?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:52, Reply)

He has failed once again to take the Halloween name 'Bat-turd'.
Most disappointing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:53, Reply)

I was in a 6 seated plane in Tanzania and as we sped down the runway the door flew open
The pilot reached across shut it and laughed...then when we were in the air it became apparent that several of the instruments were broken, most worryingly the fuel gauge which flipped from full to empty to full over and over again.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Did you then wrestle a seven foot man called 'Jaws' and then jump out without a parachute?

By any chance?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:54, Reply)

Maybe...





Cheers
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Did he tap it repeatedly then form an 'O' shape with his mouth while staring down a camera lense?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I'm wearing my flat cap today.
At a jaunty angle.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:55, Reply)

The Patron Saint of Geometry

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:56, Reply)

haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:56, Reply)

The sum of all the squares

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Jaunty cliche lols

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:56, Reply)

Thank goodness for that!
I was beginning to worry that perhaps you weren't dressed like a total cock today.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:57, Reply)

ja c
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Wouldn't that be vertical?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 8:59, Reply)

'dozer is Chinese

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:05, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:03, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:05, Reply)

I like this

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:05, Reply)

*click*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Flew RyanAir into Dubin during VERY strong winds
Watching the horizon bobbing up and down during landing was a very sobering experience which needed immediately rectifying

Alt:
BGB

AltAlt:
She can fuck off
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:05, Reply)

The last travel I had was on the train back from London
With the movable armrests I can usually get in a half decent position to sleep, still being half-cut helps. I have photos on my phone of the old taxi hut outside embankment station and a statue in the gardens beside it and no memory of taking them whatsoever.

Alt: Can't remember
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:08, Reply)

BRING BACK BILL CLAY!!!
Oh... there you are.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:12, Reply)

OK, YOU CAN HAVE HIM BACK NOW.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Hey hey hey!
Nice salvo, Salvo.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I'm not sure who most of you are so I don't know who's fucked off.
rory was alright.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:09, Reply)

shut up you insufferable pricks

(quintsy, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:10, Reply)

well, that seems to have worked
i'm off
(quintsy, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:16, Reply)

JOB DONE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Do we have to stay shut up for the rest of the day now?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:18, Reply)

yes

(quintsy, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:19, Reply)

fuck this, come to MY thread.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:22, Reply)