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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good day to you.I am thinking about starting my own cult.
It seems like a fairly easy way to make money. So I need some assistance from you please:
Name of organisation:
Fundamental beliefs:
Rules:
Alt: If you were forced to join a religion which would you chose?
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 7:40,
193 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
The Church of the Angry Christ.The belief that God sent his only son to earth for a packet of fags, but with not enough change.
Getting angry, going purple in the face, fancying you own mum and insisting she's a virgin.
Alt: Not the above.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 7:54,
Reply)
Gaz me your address and I'll post the remains to you.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:09,
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It seems to me like you lived your life with a CANDLE IN YOUR ARSE.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:03,
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Morning Batts, cults are the way forwardName: Life through poverty
Fundamental beliefs: That the ownership of material things holds you back in life.
Rules:
Give everything you own/earn to me, and I will provide 3 squares a day
Must have wealthy parents and or high paid job to join.
All I need is a figure head some Jesus looking poor person, who’s mind is so addled that theycare not about the material wealth coming in to my bank account*.
Alt: Buddhist just so I could become a Shaolin monk wear funky clothing and do kick ass kung fu.
*Where could I find someone like that
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:07,
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2+2 = 22Batt's I think we've found our man
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:23,
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The Church of the Passive-AggressiveFundamental beliefs: that other people's attitudes can be changed by muttering under one's breath, leaving angrily worded anonymous notes, or beefing on the Internet.
Rules: all members must blog, join multiple forums (commenting on all Daily Mail and BBC stories is compulsory), carry a large supply of giant Post-Its and a pen at all times, and look down their noses at unbelievers.
Alt: Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, all hail his noodly appendages.
(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:07, Reply)
Fundamental beliefs: that other people's attitudes can be changed by muttering under one's breath, leaving angrily worded anonymous notes, or beefing on the Internet.
Rules: all members must blog, join multiple forums (commenting on all Daily Mail and BBC stories is compulsory), carry a large supply of giant Post-Its and a pen at all times, and look down their noses at unbelievers.
Alt: Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, all hail his noodly appendages.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:16,
Reply)
Whatever you say, Hovis-face.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:26,
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Religion wi' nowt tekken owt(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:34,
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Poor Jeffer'sNot self inflicted I hope?
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:15,
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Not self inflicted. Just a bad head.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:16,
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Lots of water(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:25,
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:29,
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If you can fit a horse up there a headache is the least of your problems(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:34, Reply)
Terrible bullying of Jeffer’s (
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:36,
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All the beers here are too strong. 7 pints of them wasn't a good idea.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:17,
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Quiet dinner rather than bash.Very pleasant thank ye.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:25,
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I was annoyed to have missed it.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:33,
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Alt: I have read fairly extensively on all the major religionsand of all of them the one of the closest to not utter tosh (in my EXPERT opinion) seems to be Buddhism, it's barely a religion and indeed when I studied it at university it was open to debate as to whether it is in fact a philosophical system rather than a religion at all.
But then the stupid cunts insist on belief in reincarnation and once again I can't have anything to do with it. Also, taken to its logical conclusion it seems to me that it's ultimately selfish. Yes detachment from all worldly concerns is going to cause you less suffering but we cannot all do that or the place will go to shit. Plus whilst earthly matters have caused me the most pain in my life, they've also given me the most pleasure so I'm happy with that trade-off I think.
So...I'm going to come across as a some kind of goth prick here but I'm afraid the most honest and sensible of the lot to me is Satanism: my brother lent me one of Anton La Vey's books and I read it merely to laugh at the Emperor Ming tosser but to my dismay most of it made perfect sense to me. If you can see past the pantomime bollocks he had to do to get paid, his basic ideas were bang on. Embarrassing to admit but there you go.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:15,
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If anyone was going to chose Satanism, it was going to be you.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:16,
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You like reading - honestly give him a go.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:18,
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I've just found thiswww.churchofsatan.com/Pages/index.html
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:21,
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That Buddha fella was a right fat cunt as wellSo he'd be the perfect diety for a gaggle of shut-ins.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:19,
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\o/ did i win the internet?(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:22,
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Marilyn Manson isn't emo.Come to think of it, he isn't goth either.
Monty though, Monty straddles the Steampunk/ Goth/ Emo divides like a modern day Wilf Quixote. Minus the fifth form, just watched 'Citizen Smith' politics and less Prozac.
(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:26, Reply)
I like to think of myself as a 'Steamgoth'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:28,
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I saw worse than that in York on Sunday.I saw some 'alternative' leisure centre prick, dressed head to toe in turquiose sports-casual clothing, wearing sunglasses in the middle of winter.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:54,
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oh manYou said you'd keep my sartorial choices secret.
Terrible bullying.
(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:03, Reply)
I like to think of you as a steaming, freshly laid turd.I have recommended that Dr Octagon record to tangles. You familiar with it?
(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:31, Reply)
Kool Keith's solo work is not really for me.Apart from 'I'm Seeing Objects' which he did with DJ Spooky. You've never heard of that, though.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:34,
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Ultramagnetic MC'slolz(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:35,
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I haven't, no.That Octagonecologyst album is ill though, production is by Automator and scratching by Q Bert.
Blue Flowers and Bear Witness are worth the purchase price alone.
(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:36, Reply)
I've never seen a pygmy sex worker.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:41,
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You dress in black while listening to recordings of old railway engines going uphill?(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:32, Reply)
More bounce to the ounce innit(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:37,
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Smack my bitch up(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:44,
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The Boyce version: bitch my smack up.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:45,
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The Battered Version: stack my heels up(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:52,
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Or LHF's "lifted"(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:53,
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The b-side of the Boyce version: Whack my overdraft up(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:53,
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Yes because I am DEFINITELY allowed an overdraft.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:58,
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did you read that story about those 2 pagan druid dudes, Who used "rituals" to sexually abuse women, some as young as 6? They were "druids".
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:45,
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*Insert joke about police being baffled as they wasn’t the Druids they were looking for*(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:48,
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*insert a hammer into your forehead for this shit joke*(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:50,
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*Agrees and cries*
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:51,
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Name: Can't everyone just not be a prick without the need for some silly made-up religion?Fundamental beliefs: That being a prick is wrong and to be avoided at all costs.
Rules: Just don't be a prick.
Alt: I wanted to join this one, but I broke the rules.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 8:52,
Reply)
name of organisation: The church of the wisdom of Jim JefferiesFundamental beliefs: Try not to be a cunt
Rules: See above
Alt: Rastafarianism
(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:12, Reply)
Rastafarianism is based upon one of the most ludicrous and spasticated beliefs of any religion going.Believing that Haile Selassie was a living god simply because of a single misguided offer of repatriation to black Caribbeans is as mongoloid as fucking Scientology. Funny that not a single Ethiopian who actually lived under his rule has any such notion isn't it?*
So fill yer boots m8.
*No. He was a cunt and a useless one at that.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:18,
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......'as mongoloid as fucking Scientology'All religions are, in my view, mongoloid - other than the church I proposed (obviously). I just fancy getting stoned as part of a religion is all.
(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:26, Reply)
I'm pretty good at getting stoned without the need for religion.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:28,
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I, too, appear to be perfectly capable of smoking cannabiswithout declaring that an incompetent deceased African monarch was a deity.
I don't know how I manage it but somehow I muddle through.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:30,
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I meant more as a 'compulsory exercise'Rather than my present 'fuck it, I haven't got to appear normal for a bit, I'll have a doobie'.
(, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:31, Reply)
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:33,
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Make up knobbish portmanteau wordsMake up more knobbish portmanteau words
Call people a 'shitgibbon belmtard'
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:32,
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Fuck your religion. My back still hurts and I'm getting no sympathy from anyone. AT ALL.(
Kroney, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:40,
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here, have some tumbleweedthat'll fix it up real nice
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:48,
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Thanks. Really.An evening spent rattling around on tubes REALLY HELPED.
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Kroney, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:49,
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go for a runthat'll unkink it.
hurting your back playing games is nature's warning that GAMES SUCK and so do those who play them.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:50,
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Dude: N11 bus, Liverpool St to Victoria: £2.30Just sayin.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:44,
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taxi from liv st to kensington?£33.
fucksocks.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Jan 2013, 9:47,
Reply)
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