On Friday this week I am being interviewed by the board of a charity to become a Trustee.
Ever experienced a shockingly bad interview?

What questions do you ask when you’re interviewing someone?

What questions would you ask a B3tan if you were to interview them for a job?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:06, 128 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I once called an interviewer some rather naughty names.
He started to give me a dressing down as if I'd already accepted the job. I was so taken aback that I completely forgot to punch the cheeky cunt in the kidneys before leaving.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:08, Reply)

Bin men supervisors can be right cunts.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:15, Reply)

Is it a mine workers charity?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:23, Reply)

No.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:24, Reply)

What's your strategy for chemical usage when raving?
Double drop at midnight, then halves on the hour?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:25, Reply)

The last place I worked I went for a manager's job when it came up
I was given precisely five minutes notice before my interview. As was everyone else, with one exception; a chap who had the evening to prepare for it, with his missus, who was already a manager there #loadeddice

Not that I would have got it anyway, I stank the fucker out.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:50, Reply)

I've never had a truly horrific interview.
The closest was the one where I stopped after 5 minutes and said "I'm really sorry, but to save wasting anyone's time, I've realised that I don't think I'd be happy working here".

I meant it genuinely to save us all time and effort, but you'd have thought I'd shat on the table by the look on their faces.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:57, Reply)

Frankly, you get points for that
I can think of one job I had - for about a week - whereby I'd have saved myself a week of abject misery had I taken a similar attitude in the interview.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:59, Reply)

I did the reverse
went for a job I didn't think I'd like much or get, realised mid interview that I really wanted it after all, said so and got the job.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:51, Reply)

If I were interviewing a b3tan for a job I'd want to know their username on here.
This would prejudice the outcome of the interview somewhat.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:58, Reply)

You shouldn't pre-judge Legless because his nick makes him sound like a drunk
You should pre-judge him for being a liar, a rogue, and a peenarse.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 8:59, Reply)

Cheers

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:00, Reply)

'Oh you're Naked Ape. Stop licking the windows and fuck off out of my office'.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:00, Reply)

You've got that in the wrong order.
it goes "Oh, you're licking windows. Fuck out of my office, Naked Ape"
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:01, Reply)

Nope.
In other news, I think I may have a shot at getting my foot into the door of the place I wanna do my honours at. wheee!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:16, Reply)

I am so tired I could cry.
In case you were wondering.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:17, Reply)

why do sleepy?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:19, Reply)

I woke up at about 2 and am so stressed out about this mediation shit tomorrow I couldn't get back to sleep.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Have a little warm milk and a little nappy noo.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:25, Reply)

little warm milk and a little nappy noo.

wank.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:26, Reply)

always with the sex.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:27, Reply)

YES.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:30, Reply)

warm milk and a little nappy n joint and then go and sleep on the l
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:26, Reply)

Not possible til 8pm earliest.
I'd fucking love a kip, I really would.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:27, Reply)

Has she responded to confirm she will attend?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:38, Reply)

I wasn't wondering.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:21, Reply)

I have done a fair few interviews in my time,
And met some proper weirdos and mongs. One of my favourites was a guy who turned up for a pot wash interview in a dinner jacket and bow tie and was a proper loon. At one point of the interview he moaned about how he had his previous identity as a NASA research scientist stolen by the US government, which was why a man his age was looking for such low work.
Mostly though in my line of work, you get people who are on the dole, don't want to work, but thanks to "central recruitment" I have yo speak to. One of the oft used ways to guarantee no job is to tell us that they lost their last job because of their terrible hygiene standards.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:18, Reply)

Stop judging Wilf on his wacky dress sense.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Why does aw bang on about leaving work bang on 5pm whenever work comes up.
Did I miss something?

Also, I quite liked the bow tie.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:26, Reply)

Captain Placid is a work to rule prick.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:27, Reply)

work to rule?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:28, Reply)

Contracted hours only. Out the door at one minute past whenever he's supposed to finish.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Captain Placid explained how employers are taking the piss if they ask you to work outside of your contracted hours.
Then he and aw had a long conversation by gaz about the importance of heartbeats or some shit.

The whole Steampunk/Victoriana look is a vast improvement on Wilf's previous combination of German paraboots, shorts and a Neds Atomic Dustbin long-sleeve t-shirt.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:30, Reply)

STAY ABOUT FROM NED'S ATOMIC DUSTBINS

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:32, Reply)

Lols

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:35, Reply)

It was a comment I put on another post where someone was complaining about being required to go to a company function and schmooze
My answer was along the lines of - don't do it. If there's a contacted requirement to do it then you have to but if not, it's voluntary so don't volunteer.
AW has decided I'm a 9 to 5 guy (I've never worked in an office) and a clockwatcher. It's fun to see his Pavlovian reaction whenever work's mentioned.
For a fuller explanation of my thoughts on the reciprocal aspects of the employment covenant gaz me and I'll bore the nads off you!

Edit. I'm off for some test drives now. Have fun!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:32, Reply)

Mmmmm pavlova

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Nope
Smug fucker here has been offered every job I have been interviewed for.

I ask "how much do you want the job" followed by saying "his is completely standard, all girls need to do this to get work here."

I would ask a b3tan how the fuck their application got passed to me from HR when its written in crayon, by an autistic bent spastic.
( Peej, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:33, Reply)

I once recieved am application form from someone
who claimed their last place of work (and therefore most recent reference) was 'The Red Lion - London'. No phone number, no address.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:37, Reply)

I once got a CV on a page torn from a lined pad.
Written in pencil.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:39, Reply)

No way, seriously?
That's wonderful.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Yups.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:41, Reply)

It was my best handwriting though.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Those caran d'ache pencils have paid for themselves

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:47, Reply)

I've lost the tin box they came in now though :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Those tins are works of art, Tangled
ART!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:52, Reply)

I used to keep my weed and tobacco in one.
You know, to throw the cops off.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:54, Reply)

I keep mine in a little tin with a cat on it
The way I see it, no one suspects a cat of drug use.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Meowmeowlols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:05, Reply)

Mine is an old Ovaltine tin.
Again, this innocent malted drink would put even the most experienced drug squad officer off the scent.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Unless you were drug raided at bedtime

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:07, Reply)

They won't work after 5pm.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:08, Reply)

I used to do the double bluff and have it in a tin with a big ganja leaf and a caricature rasta.
As the police wouldn't think I was stupid enough to have it in plain sight. Cunning like a fox.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:08, Reply)

Similarly I always stand outside a police station to smoke.
It's the last place they think of checking.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:09, Reply)

I've had a couple of handwritten ones.
One of them was utterly illegible and could just have easily been a death threat.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Amazing
You've got to give them credit for trying, but surely it must occur to them at some point that you need to be able to read and write for almost any job.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:57, Reply)

you'd be surprised how misguided people are.
Just this week a guy came in with a pretty good CV, no pub stuff but you know, worth a shout. So I rang him, and he said he was after full time work for at least 6 months to a year to save to go travelling. Cool, perfect. Until hd said "oh, but my girlfriend works 9-5 so she says I can't do evenings and weekends."
I wasn't sure what to say to that. I told him I'd keep his CV on file.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Brilliant
He could run the coffee mornings for the local old ladies.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:02, Reply)

I nearly passed out with the heat at my interview for here, many years ago
That wasn't great.

Tits or GTFO
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Don't think I've ever been interviewed by anyone good enough to give me a hard time.
Either techy people who are just there to spot obvious bullshit and HR people who are there to lap up the not so obvious bullshit.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:53, Reply)

I lost out on a pretty good job because during the interview I was getting on so well with what I thought was the JR or at least some sort of manager,
That I referred to chefs as "generally a bunch of cunts"
Turned out she was executive chef for the whole pub chain.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 9:57, Reply)

I've had a couple situations where I'm interviewing someone and its clear after about 10 minutes they're not the right person for the job.
But have to then spend more time continuing the interview to appear to have given them a fair crack at it.

Annoying.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:00, Reply)

really?
I don't bother. I just wrap it up and say I'll call them. AND THEN I DON'T CALL!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:06, Reply)

heartless bitch

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:07, Reply)

She sounds like a right cunt.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:08, Reply)

Hello darlings!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:00, Reply)

It's the bent spastic!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:02, Reply)

*cuddles*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:04, Reply)

*punches*

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:06, Reply)

NAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRS!!!!!!!!
worryingly that's an ac.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:06, Reply)

so was *cuddles*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:08, Reply)

So was *punches*

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Hang on, is this whole place being populated by a/c now?
a/c
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:10, Reply)

The site has become conscious, armageddon is coming

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Armageddon out of here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:15, Reply)

site bent spastic
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Monty you're totally wrong about how jeffthedogfucker got his name
there was an article about a naked guy who sexually assulted two dogs in a park while their little old woman owner was walking them. His name was jeff.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:16, Reply)

about how jeffthedogfucker got his name
there was an article about a naked guy who sexually assulted two dogs in a park while their little old woman owner was walking them. His name was jeff.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Here:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post813695
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:23, Reply)

Jeff's previous username was Mullered.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:24, Reply)

i did not know this

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Yes, but there are lots of things you don't know.
Like how to tie your own shoe laces, wipe your arse etc.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:26, Reply)

When oh when will McFly bring me back a pair of self tying shoes from the futire :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Its all about you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

I'm not some alternative like wilf with 5 colours in my hair

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:35, Reply)

I used to teach guitar to a 13 year old girl, so I know what you two are on about.
But what the hell are your excuses for knowing this shit???
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:36, Reply)

I need to know for my online noncing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:36, Reply)

You need to update your research then.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:39, Reply)

2
if you count the roots.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:38, Reply)

Good sleuthing!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:40, Reply)

I had an interview with a big printer/photography store that they really wanted me for and I'm soo pleased I turned them down.
Their stuff they got today is really good, whoever took the job did a good job, but most of their buisnesses are fanchies with their own sites and I'd have no control over them and it would make my CV look rubbish.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Some one in here smellls of BO

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Not me guv
Shower, shave and shit for this cow
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:33, Reply)

I don't think it's me...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I think we need a new thread.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 10:44, Reply)