Bon soir le Off Topic
so wassup?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 19:45, 62 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Word up, hors-sujet.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 19:56, Reply)

hey shambo, how many sausages is too many sausgaes?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:04, Reply)

Rule of thumb: if you can still see some of your thumb when you stick it in your belly button then you haven't yet eaten too many sausages.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:05, Reply)

\o/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:06, Reply)

this is excellent

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:12, Reply)

So, similarly
scarpe's rule: if your cock doesn't fit in your arse you haven't had too much to drink yet?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:16, Reply)

This sounds like the sort of aphorism
which should be on a cross stitch above every bed
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:18, Reply)

Evenin' all

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:00, Reply)

I just tidied my house a bit
also, got beaten up by my guinea pig
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:12, Reply)

how? Guinea pigs are scared of air

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:15, Reply)

I gave him a big piece of carrot while he was sitting on my chest
he picked it up and twatted me in the face with it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:15, Reply)

was he motorboating you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:18, Reply)

no
that would be wrong and weird.

Is that what you imagine to get off?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:20, Reply)

have you ever fed the guinea pigs lots of lettuce
Then let them run about on a glass coffee table above you?
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:54, Reply)

nope
you and Nakkers have some pretty nasty fantasies
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:59, Reply)

Oh, I don't know.
I've got a longer rod on than a champion shark angler.
( Kroney, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:01, Reply)

I've mucked up twice in my pants at the mere thought of this sexy guinea pig action.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:04, Reply)

I'm at work.
Cleaning lady just checked out my arse. I'm going to have to write a stern letter to HR, complaining in the strongest possible terms.
( Kroney, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:30, Reply)

+ because I have a deal with my company where only the male cleaners can check out my arse

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:49, Reply)

I shall be complaining that she was looking at my arse
when my legs are clearly my best feature.
( Kroney, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:59, Reply)

Well your face certainly isn't.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:05, Reply)

Coming from one of the Facebook goblins, I'm going to have a small huff at this.

( Kroney, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:08, Reply)

+ then retreat like the rest of my countrymen.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:18, Reply)

I just watched a sad video of a dog
and am blubbing like a mong who's dropped her ice cream.

I think I may be ever so slightly tired.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 20:43, Reply)

Running low on HRT patches?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:03, Reply)

pub quiz innit.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:17, Reply)

ask us a question!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:19, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1854053
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:20, Reply)

I believe I have answered this question

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:21, Reply)

What leisure activity in the basement of the house of Lords has been questioned over both its safety, and how it is funded?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:21, Reply)

tennis

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:22, Reply)

The Max Mosely Appreciation Society.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:22, Reply)

International Parsnip Arsefucking Champions League

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:25, Reply)

rifle range

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:31, Reply)

why won't he tell us?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:35, Reply)

Because you haven't swapped your answer with the person sitting next to you yet.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 21:52, Reply)

I'll bet Tangles is WELL FUCKED OFF
Coventry got beaten by Crewe in front of 30,000 supporters, I'll bet a crowd that size will mean he'll be late getting back from 'the game'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:06, Reply)

Oh man
I'm sure this was a really important match and everything.
Still, well done to the team that did win whatever it was.
I was at the theatre in Leamington.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:20, Reply)

Did you clip many tickets this evening?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:23, Reply)

More than that bitch Cheryl did!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:24, Reply)

I hope you got to sell the half-time choc-ices and Cheryl was left to show pensioners where the toilet was.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:26, Reply)

No such luck.
The manager says he wants her 'front of house' because the punters like her, but I know it's because of her massive tits.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:29, Reply)

What a cunt.
What feature was on this evening?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:32, Reply)

A Midsummers Night Dream
By some bloke called Shakespeare or some shit.
Was pretty good, I reckon he'd do alright for himself if he stuck in a few car chases and that.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:35, Reply)

How many explosions were there?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:36, Reply)

None really
Well shit.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:43, Reply)

What cunt made you go and see that?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:44, Reply)

My fucking wife.
Told me there'd be tits in it, didn't she?
There was one bird with quite big tits, but she never got them out.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:47, Reply)

So you used up a child minding card to go and see a 'film' with no tits, car chases or explosions.
You daft bastard.

Tell you you need 3 extra pub-passes otherwise you'll train your kids to roll joints for you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:49, Reply)

Imagine that...
One could fetch me beer from the fridge while the other skins up.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:51, Reply)

If they get really good at it, you could put them on that Simon Cowell talent show
And when they win, you could offer to look after the prize money for them.

If you get them hooked on the drink and drugs early enough, they'll foget about the money and you can spend it on getting your next album made.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 22:53, Reply)

It's a dream of mine.
But who are we kidding here?
One of them still shits in a nappy and the other one just wants to 'play' all the time.
Lazy cunts.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 23:00, Reply)

But enough about you and Mrs Tangles.
What about the kids!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 23:01, Reply)

I'm getting better though
I had a *almost* 'dry day' today.
Then I got over-excited and pissed all over the rug in the living room.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Feb 2013, 23:07, Reply)