My father turns 70 this year
I've no idea what to get him and no money with which to get him something anyway.

#pissychips
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:09, 7 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

i got my dad a giant clock in the end
it's impossible when they've got everything. luckily his giant clock had stopped working the week before (quite common when people turn 70, i hear).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

That's nice of you, get him something to watch his slow slide into the grave on

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)

haha hardly
he's one of those irritants who still thinks he's 30. works all the time, gym and golf 5 days a week...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)

+ shagging some young dolly bird who's going to make off with my inheritance

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:30, Reply)

l
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)

textbook

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)

That must've looked ridiculous next to the banjolele you got him previously.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)

oh there is news on that
there was a problem with the tuner, so it had to go back. now he just has a plain boring old wooden uke. shame, the vintage banjolele was much cooler.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:15, Reply)

Do they not have luthiers in Manchester?
I'm sure a tuning peg can be easily fixed.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:22, Reply)

we sent it back 3 times but it kept going wrong
and my dad found the cheap one easier to play, something to do with stubby 70 year old fingers and the strings on the banjolele being closer together?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:44, Reply)

When you say no money, do you mean only a little money or actually no money?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

I feel I should mark this milestone birthday with something special.
Ain't happenin'. I can stretch to something shit but that's about it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)

Cheap don't mean shit.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:22, Reply)

For his 60th we gave him a bottle of 60 year old wine.
This time he'll be lucky to get a can of Ice White.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)

Go round his place and say 'Happy birthday Dad'
That'll be enough. Parents appreciate that sort of thing more than pointless gifts.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:10, Reply)

He lives in the states if I stalked... ummm... remember correctly.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)

Oh
Well he can phone him then. He'll just be happy that his son remembered.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:12, Reply)

Good old reverse charge calls.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:21, Reply)

Has he got a computer machine?
You could Skype him on his Yahoo.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:26, Reply)

He's a techno-oldie
Hi son how are you?

*SENT FROM MY IPAD*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Cool
I think it's great when older people give it a go. None of it's difficult, let's face it. Some of them just fear new things I suppose. My Nan's had a mobile for ages now, and she's nearly 80.
Hope this didn't sound too patronising. I know there are some VERY old B3tans out there.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:32, Reply)

B3th teaches them how to find porn on the internet

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:33, Reply)

I didn't even know what porn was until I came here
Then I came there.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:37, Reply)

Not at all, thank you

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:35, Reply)

My brother has found some antique lithograph of our old family seat
and various other thoughtful and nice things. I feel like such a cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)

You'll feel like less of a cunt if you just add your name to your brothers present.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

It might have to be this way.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:23, Reply)

Hello Al

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

Fucking show off prick
ask if you can go twos with him, then never pay him back, win win
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

Hello Chompy

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)

You could make him a card with dried pasta on it

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:19, Reply)

Fucking Tony Hart never sent it back.
Gone forever, one of the world's great art treasures. I reckon that wanker Mr Bennett nicked it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)

morpher-fucker

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:21, Reply)

Yeah, what was Mr Bennet's problem?
My missus reckons they were a gay couple. Tony and Mr B, that is.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)

'working late again, Mr Hart?'
It was like the preamble to some hideous gay porn. Morph was the fluffer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Haha, nice
I don't want to know what Chas' job was.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:28, Reply)

You should get your dad Mr Bennet's book:
www.actingontv.com/homepage.asp
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:29, Reply)

Great idea!!! Thanks Tango!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:33, Reply)

No probs m8!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:38, Reply)

And then what will he eat?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:20, Reply)

As long as Monty uses non-toxic adhesive
He can eat the card. I recommend making a little paper pouch full of mixed herbs to go with it.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:24, Reply)

send hime a food parcel of British food you can't get in the states
like marmite and dairy milk
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:11, Reply)

Chocolate Hob Nobs were well expensive in France, last time I was there
That was pre-Euro as well. Probably even dearer now. So....yeah.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)

I find something quite pleasing about saying 'Ob Nobs in a French accent.
Worth paying extra for, I am sure.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)

Wern packeet erv 'Erb Nerbs, see voo pleh
Maintenant!!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:18, Reply)

Look on the bright side.
Perhaps he'll die before his birthday.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:14, Reply)

death duties
will cheer everyone up
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:16, Reply)

Get him a video of your mum and ladydad scissoring.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 11:49, Reply)