Rules of life.
What rules of life do you believe to be true?

Mine include:

Fit on the phone, add two stone.
Spring starts when you see the first twat of the year wearing sunglasses on the tube.

What are yours?

Alt: favourite description for a vagina?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:23, 56 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alt: 'Battered'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Well done.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:24, Reply)

made me laugh

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:25, Reply)

And me.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Alt: Wizards Sleeve

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Never trust a fart.
Alt: donkey yawn, or MONTY BOYCE!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Alt: Foofoo

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:29, Reply)

the best hammer is the one you havewith you

I like a burst badger
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:30, Reply)

you can only piss with the cock you've got.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:32, Reply)

The bigger the waist band, the deeper the quick sand

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:31, Reply)

that's what I said.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:32, Reply)

Alt: pig bite.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:31, Reply)

alt: spunk trench

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:33, Reply)

This wins.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:40, Reply)

Don't eat the yellow snow.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I saw some twat wandering around York wearing sunglasses in January.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:35, Reply)

what a cunt.
You, not him.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:35, Reply)

if it's sunny it's sunny, doesn't matter what month it is
I wore sunnies yesterday and this morning
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:38, Reply)

I'm a photic sneezer.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:40, Reply)

i just don't like the sun in my eyes
and I have three pairs of sunnies so with our weather I need to get them on whenever possible to actually use them all!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:43, Reply)

I have great cheekbones
And the sun in my eyes makes me sneeze.

So I wear sunglasses pretty much from March to October.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:44, Reply)

And January

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:47, Reply)

it was a bright day.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:48, Reply)

Calm down Ice Cube

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Vanilla Ice more like

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

I'm more like Apathy, actually.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:53, Reply)

No one cares.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:56, Reply)

thanks Chompy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:57, Reply)

Apathy "Weird Al" Yankovic
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:56, Reply)

cheekbones big fuck-off plates that make me look like I belong in the employ of Billy Smart.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:54, Reply)

And if it's raining, it's raining tears from my eyes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:54, Reply)

If you try and make something idiot proof, someone will find a bigger idiot.
Never blame a conspiracy for something that can be explained by incompetence.

alt: Clopper.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Whenever I feel at a crossroads in life
I just remember that it only takes one tree to make a thousand matches and it only takes one match, just one, to burn a thousand trees.

Man, that puts things into perspective, dunnit?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Especially if you're an arsonist

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:44, Reply)

are you calling me gay?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Alt: Lady pouch

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:37, Reply)

spam purse
gash
badly packed kebab
mimsy
front bottom
MINGE
foof
cha cha
axe wound
hairy cup
tuna canoe
sausage wallet
fish mitten
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Alt: Cocktrough

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Alt no votes for flange? SHAME ON YOU ALL.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:45, Reply)

I suspect people hearts aren't really in it, we have answered this before

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Have biff and growler had a mention, yet?
Biff and growler.
( Kroney, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:46, Reply)

McFLYYYYYYYYYYY

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:47, Reply)

alt-
Get yir rat oot.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:48, Reply)

yoghurt pot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:49, Reply)

Spadger

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:50, Reply)

fanny

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Blirt

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Gash

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:51, Reply)

Cunt

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:51, Reply)

Don't talk about Al like that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)

When you get in a car, do all the doors fall off?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:55, Reply)

have you not got some very basic work tasks to get heroically wrong and subsequently deemed incapable for?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:56, Reply)

5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post1885175
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 11:07, Reply)

Hahaha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:57, Reply)

He who expects nothing will not be disappointed.
Flange or Mary Hinge
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:58, Reply)

Also 'dead hedgehog'

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 5 Mar 2013, 10:58, Reply)