Last night I had a really weird dream.
I dreamt that when I stumbled downstairs and looked out the back window I saw none other than Rachelswipe loitering in my back garden.

Upon opening the back door and enquiring as to why she was there, she informed me that the previous evening she had missed her train home and, not wanting to wake me up, had decided to sleep in my back garden as it was "the nicest one on the road" but that now I was up, could she please have some breakfast and a shower?

What really then creeped me out was that when I went to show her the shower, the shouty homeless woman who hangs around sainsburys was hanging around in my bathroom and was running herself a bath.

What I'm taking from this is that Rachelswipe wants to anally violate me.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:39, 58 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

wants to anally violate me is the shouty homeless woman who hangs around Sainsburys
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:40, Reply)

There is that possibility too.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:42, Reply)

What is plopgate?
And AL, did we have any cheese before sleepy bo-bo's last night?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:44, Reply)

No. I had fajitas.
And a choccie biccy.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Yo, Mexican.
I had huevos rancheros.

I got that razor btw. Nice. But deadly.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Don't use any pressure, just let it glide.
I think my favourite blades are either Derby or Sharks, I've tried Dorco, but they didn't feel as good and this morning I used an Astra Platinum which seemed okay.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:51, Reply)

fajitas without cheese?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Nah, we had salso, guacamole and sour cream, but no cheese.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:51, Reply)

Did you wake up kind of sticky?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 30 May 2013, 9:46, Reply)

I know I did

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:49, Reply)

I was wondering if it was going to turn into one of those dreams, but, luckily, it didn't.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:52, Reply)

I don't know what either swipeypoo or the crazy sainsbury lady look like, but anything can be sexy if you lower your standards far enough.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 30 May 2013, 9:54, Reply)

I imagine they look very alike.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Some people are in to the whole twins angle.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 30 May 2013, 9:57, Reply)

it's a bit weird that though isn't it?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:57, Reply)

If you had to do Twins
Would you start with Arny or Danny?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:58, Reply)

danny battered
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:59, Reply)

I'm sure it's an incest thing, like their brain finds a seemingly acceptable way of them exploring a desire to sleep with their own sibling,
Same goes for that mother daughter and mother son stuff. In fact, anyone who looks at anything more risqué than the underwear bit in the bravissimo catalogue is a pervert.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 30 May 2013, 9:59, Reply)

I'd better go and flagellate myself then

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Surely the whole of the Bravissimo catalogue is underwear.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

they do outsized dildos as well
for the "plus size" woman
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

It must be awful if your fanny is so loose you have to resort to a bit of sanded 2 by 4.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:04, Reply)

i suspect reach is the real issue
if your gargantuan boobs and enormous belly prevent you from reaching the empty KFC bucket you call a fanny, then you'll need something with a long handle
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:05, Reply)

i'd say something about b3th here but she's already angry with me for being rude last night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

Pervert

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 30 May 2013, 10:04, Reply)

I like to have a look through before the wife has had a chance to open it.
It feels more virginal.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:05, Reply)

Is Mrs Al of the larger variety?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:11, Reply)

Boobswise, yes.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:12, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:12, Reply)

i love other peoples dreams

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Something something Billy Ocean

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 30 May 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Now get in my car Bitch

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:18, Reply)

Let's have a look at the meaning behind this dream
Rachelswipe - To see your enemy in your dream represents opposing ideas and contradictory attitudes. You are in denial about something or you are rejecting someone. Enemies may also represent the enemies within yourself and the inner conflict you have with yourself. Consider the phrase "I am my own worst enemy." Perhaps you are trying to rid yourself of certain aspects of your character.
To dream that you are dealing with an enemy represents a resolution to some inner conflict or waking life problem.

Missed train - To dream about a missed train denotes missed opportunities. It also suggests that you are ill-prepared for a new phase in your life. You may be procrastinating or putting things off that should have already been completed.

Breakfast - To dream about breakfast indicates the start of a new project or the beginning of a new stage in your life. Alternatively, your mind may already be thinking ahead on what to make for breakfast in the morning. It is not uncommon for your fleeting thoughts to be incorporated into your dream.

Bath - To dream that you are bathing someone suggests that you are seeking a closer connection with that person. It also points to your nurturing side.

Homeless woman - To dream that there is a homeless woman living in your bathroom indicates that something is missing in your life. Perhaps you are headed in the wrong direction. Your current path is leaving you unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Alternatively, the dream means that you need to be more resourceful and make the best of an undesirable situation.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

I think it's clear for all to see that you are dissatisfied with your wife and want to start anew with swipe

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Well I’m glad that’s cleared up can someone start a decent thread now?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:09, Reply)

ew al
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:10, Reply)

I reckon Swipe bleaches her asshole in case an opportunity presents itself for a bit of impromtu backdoor fun.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:20, Reply)

it doesn't need bleaching
i'm so white/pasty i'm almost blue :(
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Gingers are usually pale-skinned

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

you know who else is often pale-skinned?
BRUNETTES WITH IRISH HERITAGE.

STUPID IRISH.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Irish brunette = ranga

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)

you're thinking of a glasgow shower = deodorant
or a glasgow salad = chips

or a glasgow girlfriend = grace
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)

I'm not suggesting for a minute that this is all bollocks
but, I think Astrology has more scientific merit than dream analysis.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Typical Aries

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)

I am as well.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)

s well cunt
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:16, Reply)

simple
effective

accurate
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)

You yurt prick.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 30 May 2013, 10:10, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:16, Reply)

I dream about trains all the time...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:16, Reply)

To see a train in your dream represents conformity. You are just going along with what everyone else is doing.
According to Freud, a train is analogous to the male penis.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:19, Reply)

He just fancies Gordon

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Thanks "Jane Siberry"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:19, Reply)

I bet when he dreams of trains he means this
www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0qVUn4797g
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)

hmmmmmmmmmm
is your back garden a five star hotel?

then this could happen. well, the anal violation with a homegrown carrot, anyway.

and no, i don't mean windy pig.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)

It's a nice garden, but I don't know where you would have slept
but you looked very well turned out considering you must have slept either in the compost heap or on the decking.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:24, Reply)

i tried to breathe some life back into this place with a new thread
part of it encourages food talk
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 30 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)