You know who has the right idea?

That Nigel Planer.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 13:48, 91 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Hello shoes, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to stand on you again.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 31 May 2013, 13:50, Reply)

Oh wow
Look at all the washing up to be done
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 31 May 2013, 13:52, Reply)

Depends how flat you need your Nigel to be, I guess.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 31 May 2013, 13:54, Reply)

I PREFER ELECTRIC PLANER

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 31 May 2013, 13:58, Reply)

yeah Jimi Hendrix is great isn't he?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 13:58, Reply)

Big norks for a ginger, true enough

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:00, Reply)

I intend on drinking an entire bottle of spirits this evening.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Why?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:01, Reply)

Selling up, mate.
Lifetime of renting here I come.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:05, Reply)

I read, sorry mate.
I meant 'why spirits' - you know they don't get you that pissed.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:06, Reply)

Hence 'whole bottle'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:19, Reply)

Won't you be in a similar financial boat once you've paid your debts off though?
I'm assuming your current accommodation expenses are much lower than renting will be.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:07, Reply)

I'll have to move somewhere cheaper.
Somewhere shit, befitting my dismal salary.

3.5 more years of a fixed repayment, no regard for inflation - it is impossible. I need to be able to pay more for my kid, which is otherwise impossible. If I sell now I should clear perhaps 90-100k if I am lucky, of which I owe maybe 60.

I have to do this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:08, Reply)

You could be my butler
I warn you...the wages are low, the hours are long, and I make disgusting and reasonable demands of my staff.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:11, Reply)

I'm in!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:12, Reply)

Then it is probably for the best.
I know you didn't ever want to have to resort to this, but the current situation is obviously having a detrimental effect on you.
I'm sure it'll be worth it when it's all sorted.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:20, Reply)

I've tried my best for a year and a half and it's just not sustainable any longer.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:28, Reply)

Sometimes you have to bite the bullet though.
My sister had to sell her lovely flat after her divorce in order to pay off her useless lump of an ex and go back to renting. She's never been happier, and is now in a massive cottage near Ford castle.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 31 May 2013, 14:52, Reply)

Thats shit
You'll have something in common with Chompy
( Peej, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:10, Reply)

Maybe a shared equity property would be possible.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:20, Reply)

My brother had one of those, depends on what I'd have left over after paying every cunt off

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:31, Reply)

yeah but, if you can rent somewhere with 2 bedrooms you can have Len over more often and for longer
I reckon having greater access to her will make you happier in the long term than some bricks and mortar would
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:21, Reply)

NO REAL NAMES PLEASE

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)

i'm not sure it is a real name

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:28, Reply)

Yeah walking away has a lot of short term plusses
but I will be unlikely ever to own a place again.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:34, Reply)

On the bright side, you probably haven't got that long left to live anyway.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:35, Reply)

My brother and I have this conversation fairly regularly
'retirement? pension? lol'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:36, Reply)

Zoopla Estimate for my gaff: £239,584
Were this to be real, I'd have sixty grand left after clearing all debts.

*feels a little better*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:42, Reply)

Haven't property prices in London gone up by about 6% this year?
Zoopla's just based on averages anyway so if your gaff's in good nick, nicely done out etc it may be worth more than that.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 31 May 2013, 14:45, Reply)

It's not.
The odd thing is that the estimated prices for various flats in my block are all over the place.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:46, Reply)

Oh. You're fucked then mate, soz.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 31 May 2013, 14:47, Reply)

Thanks m8

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:47, Reply)

I'm here for you, bud.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 31 May 2013, 14:49, Reply)

There will be a sharp increase in value once he moves out

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:48, Reply)

Here you go then:
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-39220352.html?premiumA=true
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:45, Reply)

First genuine lol of the day

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:46, Reply)

No bathroom might be a deal-breaker

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:30, Reply)

woah woah, no need to do a frisbee mate things can't be that bad

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:02, Reply)

They really can, dude.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:04, Reply)

Monty stars in
"The Comic Spirt Presents"
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:09, Reply)

This post deserves more recognition. :(

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:16, Reply)

It is recognisably shit.
Does that help?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:18, Reply)

To be honest no, no it doesn't help in the least

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:19, Reply)

Fluffy hair on a polar bear means more to me than a lavatory

( Peej, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:10, Reply)

that must be some strong cider

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:13, Reply)

You won't go far in a motor car with my front door key.

( Peej, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:17, Reply)

Now you do realise that if Nakers wasn't a workshy fucker that has buggered off home early...
he would say how he has the key to your wifes back door
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:21, Reply)

i wsa at my desk at &:20 this morning
i will still be here at 7 pm, YOU CUNT
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)

Workshy Fucker

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:26, Reply)

says a fucking builder

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:28, Reply)

I thought I was a roofer?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:30, Reply)

that's al

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:31, Reply)

I thought he was a Surveyor

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:39, Reply)

so did I

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:10, Reply)

you just wastede 10 minutes of my life

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:22, Reply)

How?

( Peej, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:23, Reply)

i fb stalked you as you suggested, but your profile is all locked out so i couldn't see the pictures anyway
THANKS A LOT
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)

Well add me then you Bent Spastic!

( Peej, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:24, Reply)

yeah I dunt do that soz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)

I JUST WANNA SEE PICTURES OF YOUR KIDS ALRIGHT

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)

I was just testing to make sure my profile was secure from the nonces

( Peej, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:29, Reply)

Oh man I am a rubbish nonce : (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:32, Reply)

* bookmarks*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:37, Reply)

he cums from far away....
and he can pllllaaaaaayyyyyyyy
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:41, Reply)

hahaha

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:25, Reply)

Why did Rik Mayall?
Because Nigel Planer, of course!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:10, Reply)

Yeh but why did Ade Edmondson
Because Christopher Ryan!
( Peej, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:11, Reply)

Why did Alexei Sayle?
Because Ben Elton!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:14, Reply)

i saw him sat on a bench by our local pond once
TRUE STORY
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:22, Reply)

planer farage
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:17, Reply)

+/

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:17, Reply)

nope

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:18, Reply)

It's reet shite on here today.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:31, Reply)

ah noah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:37, Reply)

so the ppt doc I've been working now won't save as I may not have access privialges or some shit
FML
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:32, Reply)

GASH!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:33, Reply)

AH-AHHHHHH!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:35, Reply)

SAVIOUR OF THE UNIVERSE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:35, Reply)

KING OF THE IMPOSSIBLE!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:41, Reply)

DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB*
*Perfectly suits a Nakers theme track


Edit:It fitted better here
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 31 May 2013, 14:45, Reply)

My Mitchelin tyres just turned up
and the misses is sunbathing topless in the back garden. Could it get any better?
( Peej, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:04, Reply)

I dunno, might be better if it was you rubbing suncream into her tits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:08, Reply)

Have you seen her tits?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:11, Reply)

www.cornish-tits.com

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:20, Reply)

POIDH
And not of the fucking tyres.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 31 May 2013, 15:31, Reply)

Shagging Audrey AND Gail is the worst idea ever.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:04, Reply)

Is this about 'Britain's Got Talent' again?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:08, Reply)

Harrison?
at least he would be gentle
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:08, Reply)

Audrey Hallison?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:14, Reply)

Quit yer haverin'

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:10, Reply)

This guy got it

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 31 May 2013, 15:21, Reply)