Mrs Vagabond and I are going to be parents for the weekend.
Loltastically our idiot friends have asked us to babysit their 7yo son.

Please feel free to call me a nonce, or alternatively, suggest activities, as I haven't a clue. We have a nearby park which is quite nice, but relatively small, and apparently he's too young to drink, so I'm pretty scoobied.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:23, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Nonce

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:24, Reply)

But in a sexy way.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Is there any other?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:37, Reply)

The way my Uncle Jeremiah does it.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Thats more brief than un sexy though

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Has he started smoking yet?
If not, now could be the ideal time.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:24, Reply)

Good point.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Soft play centre.
Arts & crafts.
Cooking.
Cinema.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:25, Reply)

Hmm.
Arts & Crafts, & cooking.

I can't cook for money or sex, but Mrs Vagabond's great - I'm trying to commandeer her to bake some biscuits with him or something.

Cinema requires a massive mission as it's miles away by 'bus and tube.

What is a soft play centre, and where would I find one?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Ask any parents nearby
Throw child in, give Fruit Shoot, sit and drink coffee and read the paper until child either pisses self or comes back crying
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:32, Reply)

WORLDS NUMBER ONE DAD RIGHT HERE FOLKS

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:39, Reply)

I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable asking random parents where they take their children.
Particularly since my general demeanour positively screams "Childless jaffa, probably suspect".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)

You could always rent the kid to Bartleby.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Ah. See - his dad's a squaddie, and they get notoriously anxious when it comes to having to explain that you've rented out their children.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:38, Reply)

Typical public sector employee
getting all sniffy over the private sector's entrepreneurial nous.
( Kroney, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:58, Reply)

Ah but being a squaddie he wont be unfamiliar with forced anal penetration
so you will be fine
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 10:01, Reply)

It's OK, you'll struggle to beat my "screaming Savile alarm trigger"
before I had minibadger, I was with my brother's kids at a park thing in Weybridge full of skullfuckingly desperate social climbing middle classers. One of them was being shit at stopping her little boy smashing up all the other kid's sandcastles, and I was explaining, perhaps a little loudly, to my nephew that it was OK and we would build another one. Since I used his name, one of the mothers said "oh, and how old is little ******" .. in this case, I've learned, a good response isn't "Oh, I've no idea, he's not mine"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)

hahaha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Lego, or drugs.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:25, Reply)

This is a really hard choice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:30, Reply)

No it's not, Lego is shit.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 10:16, Reply)

I find "both" to be a fine combination.
BECAUSE I DO LOADS OF DRUGS, OK?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:31, Reply)

Be very careful
Lego is far more addictive
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Take him to a park
Tie him to a tree and say you are playing cowboys and Indians, then go to the pub
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:31, Reply)

Now THIS is the sort of idea I can get behind!
And I'm not talking about the kid! LOL!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 2 Oct 2013, 9:32, Reply)