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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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This made me lol, prove you're gay for asylum.
m.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-24479812
I had visions of something a bit more extreme at Customs or Border Police. Have you had any amusing experiences at customs? If not amusing negative?
Alt, I'm off for a run, do you bother with any sort of fitness regime or are you resigned to being a fat internet weebil? Early running is ace it sweats out the crap from the previous night.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 5:15, 86 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Bike.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 7:53, Reply)
Stabilisers?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 7:57, Reply)
No.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 7:57, Reply)
Oh FFS!
I left my glasses at Monty's and now I've lost my spare pair as well. I'm a fully fledged retard.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:13, Reply)
We know.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:15, Reply)
He'll have traded them for drugs and magic beans.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:17, Reply)

beans mushrooms
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:18, Reply)
MInce'll be sitting at home wearing them now whilst looking at his hand and going 'whoah' whilst the other hand lazily teases one out to 'silver machine'

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:47, Reply)
I sent them 1st class last night hun xx

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:50, Reply)
Thats CEX's stock increased today !

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:42, Reply)
I've worked at a few airports in my time. had to go airside at most of them to get to my Met enclosure
That means having to wear a Hi-Vis vest and that. At one I got given a Hi-Vis vest with SECURITY printed on it because it was the only spare one that the Air Trafficers could find. You wouldn't believe how many Jock women would offer me a quick gobble in exchange for "Getting my bag through on my way back without it being opened".
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:22, Reply)
Stuj.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:24, Reply)
'Ning The AWESOME Win Pug.
:D
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:11, Reply)
I read this as 'I got given a HiV test'

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:51, Reply)
Well yeah The LOVELY Monters.
Them Porridge-Wogs is CRAWLING with diseases.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:02, Reply)
That's Peru for you, the LOVELY stuj.

How is your penguin hareem?
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:02, Reply)
Missing me terribly The LOVELY Emm Bee.
I'm gonna have to organise a breakout for my ones imprisoned at London Zoo at this rate.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:12, Reply)
You should come to the Edinburgh Zoo
they let them all out for a walk round the zoo once a day at 3pm.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:23, Reply)
Yeah, the warders there put out a restraining order on me.
sadtimes.
:(
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:33, Reply)
I like the train of thought that says....
"I'm flying a 100 ton machine filled with 250 people coming in at 100 mph..... oh shit, there's a guy in a High Vis vest, I'd better crash this than hit him".
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:41, Reply)
Well, yes Gonz.
Even pilots and hijackers and that know that I'm LOVELY.
:D
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 11:29, Reply)
GOOD NEWS!
They've found dome long lost doctor who episodes!
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:24, Reply)

who Frog
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:24, Reply)
Less of a time lord, more of a gay lord amirite??!!111

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:26, Reply)

lord prick
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:26, Reply)
Morning frog.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:27, Reply)
Hello mate, alright on this fine Friday morning?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:28, Reply)
haha he doesn't want to talk to you...

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:46, Reply)
HE ALWAYS DOES THIS! IM FAST GOING OFF HIM YOU KNOW, ITS NOT LIKE HES GOT ANYTHING BETTER TO DO >:-(

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:48, Reply)
Sorry frog, was having a spot of breakfast.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:51, Reply)
Too late sunshine, you've embarrassed me for the last time!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:53, Reply)
Fair well, sweet prince.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:57, Reply)
Aw, how can I stay angry at you, eh? x

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:59, Reply)
Dunno.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:01, Reply)
is this what happens when you kiss a frog??!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:10, Reply)
No. Shut up.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:17, Reply)
Ask Kroney

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:18, Reply)
no, I'm white and have a fairly posh speaking voice, so tend to get left alone at customs
I'm eating iced gems for breakfast,, does not bode well for Friday!
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:39, Reply)
You'll get fat. Are they like Midgst Gems?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:41, Reply)
depends if shes ever teabagged battered

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:44, Reply)
yes. they have a whopping 99 calories a bag. arrrrrgh.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:46, Reply)
Posh? Pish!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:44, Reply)
if I'm coming through Brizzle airport, they think I'm the bloody queen!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:45, Reply)
+ drag

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:48, Reply)
I understand that she is now 'post-op'

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:48, Reply)
Too posh to push.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:50, Reply)
Big fat cocks

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:53, Reply)
Is this your latest 'funny' thing?
(It reminds me of a 'Big Train' sketch)
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:53, Reply)
I'm just giving voice to our collective desires.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:55, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRp-ETn9aes
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:56, Reply)
yes, I have 'sampled' it off of Big Train

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:59, Reply)
the first series was pretty lol
I also liked Jam.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:01, Reply)
Jam was ace, that Mark Heap(?) in both of them is pretty underrated IMO.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:02, Reply)
I'm piecing together a holistic puzzle.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:03, Reply)
Is that like a posh jigsaw?

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:04, Reply)
Thisch ish why I am only doing schoft cock porn now.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:03, Reply)
syncronised cocks!
A harmony of knobs!
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:04, Reply)
That's not proper humour! Proper humour uses real jokes played on real instruments

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:05, Reply)
These whizzkids have taken all the skill out of it with their computers,Akai samplers and Roland 303's.
It lacks the warmth and feeling of 'proper' humour.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:09, Reply)
hi Captain Placid!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:24, Reply)
Yes - I run each morning at 0600.
If the streets are empty, sometimes I like to pretend I'm a boxer.

Altalt: cheese - best of all the foodstuffs.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:54, Reply)
Do you have "eye of the tiger" going through your head at the time?
This is important
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:01, Reply)
Yeah, mildly amusing
But I suspect I've mentioned it before. I have a Line Tshirt that just says "I am a skier" on the front. Going through Xray at Schipol, a very, very large security guard stepped out of line, put his hand flat on my chest and said "Stop"

As I was quietly shitting myself he grinned, went "I.... am not. I am a DRINKER" then slapped me on the back so hard I nearly lost a vertebrae.

The Dutch. Good for a gag.

Alt. My fitness regime revolves around not breaking bones where possible
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 8:58, Reply)
Haha yeah, this one time the passport control guy looked at my passport, then glanced back up at me and then back at my passport and I thought oh no he doesn't believe it's me and then he gave me my passport back and waved me through hahaha
Alt: Running is so undignified, but luckily I'm thin so I don't have to do it.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:02, Reply)
LOL THIS HAPPENZ 2 ME EVRY TYME

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:04, Reply)
Border police are WELL LOL

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:04, Reply)
UH OH!!! DUSKY SKINNED FORRIN TYPE!!!

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:05, Reply)
Actually,
On the Eurostar to Brussels I may have stuck a large sticker acquired from a motorcyclists magazine over the text part of the details page of a friends passport. Leaving him with just his photo, and in black text on a yellow background, "Look at me - I'm shit"

All done while he was in the pisser without his knowledge.

Passport control guy at Brussels didn't even bat an eyelid.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:06, Reply)
Typical lazy Flemish

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:09, Reply)
He probably looked at the passport, looked back at Matt
and thought ... "fair enough. Seems accurate"
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:12, Reply)
No real names please.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:17, Reply)
I'm pretty sure you don't know him.
and he's certainly not damaged enough to be on here.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:21, Reply)
I was once on the Eurostar the Brussels.
It was alright.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:19, Reply)
I flew to Italy on my birthday,
And the border guy in Italy wished me a happy birthday and gave me a nice stamp in my passport and a friendly smile.
I liked him. I will go back to Italy to visit him.
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:18, Reply)
You should've become penpals with him.

(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:19, Reply)

penpals bumchums
(, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 9:20, Reply)

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