Day 2 of my expedition to the north country
I awoke in 1973, the dense cloying fog pressed in at my window and the mournful sound of of a brass band floated through the dank trees. The plan for the day was try and make the local hall look presentable, but this task proved to e difficult, one cannot polish turd, so we merely rolled it in glitter and hoped for the best.

I have retired to my and room and locked the door, on my way in a local 'person' spoke to me in a local vernacular I couldn't understand, I smiled and backed away, I hope he doesn't come back...oh god what's that noise??
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 16:52, 62 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Oh boy?

( Peej, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:03, Reply)

poor weakling southerner
you just can't handle it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:05, Reply)

heathcliff
it's me, i'm cathy, i've come hooooooooooooome
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:07, Reply)

THAT'S WHO YOU REMINDED ME OF!

( Peej, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:08, Reply)

what????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
emily bronte??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:27, Reply)

I think he means Kate Bush.
But he's got to be mistaken, she's a brunette.

You remind me more of Robert Smith.
( Kroney, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:29, Reply)

yeah well
you remind me more of a gaping flapping arsehole, spiders legs waving happily in the breeze.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:30, Reply)

I do have a luxuriantly hirsute anus.

( Kroney, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:32, Reply)

plait it or gtfo

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:33, Reply)

Kate Bush, you twerp.
Haha, bush.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:29, Reply)

I WAS JOKING
ha, perv.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:30, Reply)

Keep your pistol close at hand. They favour the taste of human flesh, I'll be bound.

( Kroney, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:15, Reply)

it is delicious

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:20, Reply)

Is Birmingham north? That's about the most north I have been since birth.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:22, Reply)

no, southerners can have it

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:27, Reply)

I don't want it. I went there for a curry and a shag but I wouldn't go back.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:30, Reply)

They don't do that in curry houses down south.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:31, Reply)

it must have been a really crap shag
most men would crawl on broken glass to get their cocks wet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:33, Reply)

Driving about 300 miles is about my limit.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)

yeah but why didn't you go back for more?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:35, Reply)

I bet you can guess in one attempt

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:37, Reply)

she said no?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)

you couldn't get it up?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)

you called her "mummy" ?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)

you called her "daddy" ?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)

you cried afterwards?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:39, Reply)

you whipped out your bent e-cig for that post-coital moment and she dumped you?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:40, Reply)

Why are you so obsessed with my super kewl 'vaping' apparatus?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:41, Reply)

stunned has one too

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:42, Reply)

He is also kewl and sexy. So I understand.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:42, Reply)

The answer I was looking for was 'dumped'.
Join us again next week for another edition of zzzzzzzzzzzzz...........
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:40, Reply)

any one of my answers would be better than this

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:41, Reply)

Well yeah but I SPEEK DA TROOF

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:42, Reply)

you can't be a real man
they all lie
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:45, Reply)

I'm not, because 'my cock doesn't work'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:46, Reply)

so you keep saying
but i'm sure you'll find the right man one day
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:48, Reply)

I'm meeting one tonight.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:49, Reply)

strangle wanking doesn't count

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:49, Reply)

Oh well in that case I'm not. :(((((

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:50, Reply)

EXACTLY. There are curtained partitions for that pursuit.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)

fuck off it is

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:28, Reply)

Well I don't know do I? You couldn't get that much more south than me.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:31, Reply)

and by "south" you mean "celibate and mildly retarded" ?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:33, Reply)

Yes of course that's what I mean.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:35, Reply)

i thought so
i am learning to understand your garbled garbage
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:35, Reply)

It's the accent innit? I find it hard to understand Stunned Poster now he's all 'transatlantic'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:37, Reply)

Trunk, hood, elevator etc.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:52, Reply)

Wait? What? Slow down son, you ain't in Kansas anymore.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:52, Reply)

I've driven to Inverness.
It was strange up there. They all had their faces in their chests, or one giant hopping foot.
( Kroney, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:31, Reply)

I don't know where that is. But i'd like to see these 'people' and attempt sex with one or more of them.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:36, Reply)

You must embrace the North.
It is more a state of mind than a place.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:25, Reply)

You're talking about North America aren't you?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:26, Reply)

Yes. But it's all the same isn't it?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:27, Reply)

lots of planets have a north

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:28, Reply)

Have you been to any other planets?
No? Well shush then.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:30, Reply)

you shush

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:32, Reply)

I am going for what the yanks call a "shower"
It' no bath but they seem to like them.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:33, Reply)

I thought I was on another planet but it turned out I was just really really mashed.
I *did* have a moment where I comprehended the universe, and the small speck of rock we live on, and understood it all. I really 'got it'. But then I forgot.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:33, Reply)

i was on a pretend other planet, too
but mostly I just got in a fight with mutants and freedom fighters/terrorists
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:34, Reply)

What? Continents? Dunno.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 17:29, Reply)

WELL IM OFF OUT FOR ME TEA NOW HAVE A NICE EVENING EVERYCUNT

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 18:11, Reply)