How would you like to (realistically) spend your retirement?
My dad retires today. I don't think he wants to and he hasn't planned what he's going to do. I've been dreaming of mine since my first day at work.

Alt: there hasn't been enough #chivealive going on here recently. Rectify that please.

Altalt: Paltrow: yes or no?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:25, 108 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

My parents moved into a massive old manor house, that keeps dad busy just with the up keep
god knows what will happen when they get too old to run the place.

alt: GOING CHIVE

altalt: only when she is fat in that film about ugly chicks
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:31, Reply)

Mine are selling the family gaff at the moment. I still have two guitars in the loft. They're probably warped by now but I'd like to have them.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:33, Reply)

They'll suit you perfectly

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:34, Reply)

Do some travelling maybe, also spend time in the log cabin on a small small bit of land near a forest i'd like to have bought by then. Plus booze etc.
Alt: #pastramiarmy
Altalt: No.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:33, Reply)

Lighty posted a link a while ago of a company that sells private islands. A nice wooded one with water and electricity, 3 acres or so, was £80k.
Only problem; it is in Nova Scotia.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:36, Reply)

That would be awesome. I just like the idea of living 'off grid' on occasion, no tv or phones and all that. I'll change my mind next week and decide I'd like to retire to New York or something.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:39, Reply)

I'm exactly the same. Ideally it would be good to have both. Ain't going to happen though.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:42, Reply)

That's why I'm being realistic with my forest based hut.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:42, Reply)

www.privateislandsonline.com/islands/sweet-island
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:09, Reply)

The name of this one is perfect.
www.privateislandsonline.com/islands/hangover-island
( Muns, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:40, Reply)

i get 8% to my 4% pension contribution here, as long as I never move I'll be rolling in it, innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:36, Reply)

I was in a non contribution final salary scheme when I was at Coca-Cola. Schemes like that are pretty much closed by companies now.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:39, Reply)

yeah mrs ape had one at her old job, and left before it matured :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:42, Reply)

I've been in a non-contrib final salary pension for the last 20 years.
The cunts have just frozen our pensionable salaries, so basically if I retire in (say) 20 years my pension will be based on what I'm on now, rather than my final salary. All I'm adding is 1/60 for every extra year served.

As I say, the cunts.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 14:55, Reply)

really the issue lies with your companies predecessors who sign off on a an unsustainable pension model

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:18, Reply)

Christ, it's not like the company hasn't made oodles of dosh over the years
They could just put a bit more in to sort it. The cunts.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 15:36, Reply)

it gets revalued in line with inflation

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:19, Reply)

That's something I guess, but it's stil pants.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 15:36, Reply)

even a frozen DB pension is preferable to a dormant DC pot
Assuming you have a DC scheme available to take over, it's AOK. Also, non contributory DB scheme and you're complaining? Fucking hell, that's some cheek.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:45, Reply)

How is it?
When I started in 1995, it was part of the package. Now it's been cut to fuck and we've had no say in it. I don't see how that's cheek.

In fact - correction, we did have a say in it. We were 'consulted', thusly:

Them: Would you mind awfully if we cut your pensions to fuck?
Entire staff: Yes, we very much fucking well would.
Them: Oh, sozzers everyone. :'((((
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 15:53, Reply)

you weren't paying in to it.
Therefore the guaranteed benefits available from it are worth way more than if you hadn't had any pension in place.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:01, Reply)

Yes I understand the principles of a non-contributary final salary scheme
But if I was initially promised 'x' and I'm actually going to end up with much less than 'x' then that's shit, isn't it?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 16:05, Reply)

You really shouldn't take any notice of a photo copying clerk in a firm of financial advisors.
No doubt he's ok at choosing between the A3 and the A4, portrait or landscape, but your retirement? I wouldn't.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:09, Reply)

He seems to be having difficulty understanding why I met be feeling slightly aggrieved, so I suspect that you may be correct.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 16:27, Reply)

it is a poor show, but not the end of the world.
You haven't been financially disadvantaged. Quite the opposite in fact. Look on the bright side, you have a guaranteed income in retirement. Most people don't.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:32, Reply)

Be quiet. Stop claiming to know something that your employers know, but you don't.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:44, Reply)

I know because I have to know.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:54, Reply)

Pottering about my sheds messing with some utterly pointless diy-type project
that'll never get finished, I bet.

altalt: what mcbeef said.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:38, Reply)

Between the flaps of Kylie Minogue.
Serious answer - my sister has a little weekend/holiday gaff in Rothesay on the Isle of Bute. It's fantastic. Quite fancy having a little place there and an apartment somewhere sunny - maybe Croatia.

Alt: Has there been a nosedive in the chive? #ChiveDive

AltAlt: No. Not even with yours.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 14:52, Reply)

Altalt: Yes, certainly
That being said, there are VERY few women I would actually turn down. I'm not proud of that, I'm just stating it as fact.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 30 May 2014, 14:58, Reply)

alt alt: no thanks

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:13, Reply)

Alt: High Chive!
Altalt: Only if she doesn't consent.
( Muns, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:21, Reply)

27 minutes until payday cans!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:33, Reply)

Did you egt some Veltins?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:35, Reply)

There's a 'high end' offie by the tube station I will go in on my way home

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:37, Reply)

you'd better

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:38, Reply)

I will, got to have a beer with the #LADS before I head off.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:38, Reply)

#LemmyLAD

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:42, Reply)

#lemmy

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:51, Reply)

would

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:51, Reply)

l;ooks like a prick

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:52, Reply)

I called him a prick when he bit me.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:52, Reply)

I hope you don't haev Avian Rabies

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:53, Reply)

Me too :(

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:54, Reply)

#FeatheryLittleSlag

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 15:54, Reply)

haha!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:54, Reply)

\o/

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:21, Reply)

I'm now on shots of Patron.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:46, Reply)

nobody cares

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:48, Reply)

Tequila? At 3:51...wow

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 30 May 2014, 15:51, Reply)

Ok Nicki Minaj

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:21, Reply)

Drunk.
Alt: #chivealive
Altalt: I hear his pancakes are to die for.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 May 2014, 15:57, Reply)

My dad seems intent on saying that I should make my life of the best possible quality since retiring
He's became very philisophical/bored.
Im going on a weeks holiday with them this year. That should be fun.

I just want to be comfortable and happy.

altalt. no.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:20, Reply)

No bringing young lads back to the apartment for bumhole action Jaysers, there's a good lad.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 30 May 2014, 16:30, Reply)

I would never! One of the reasons i moved out at 18 was that precise reason

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:33, Reply)

killjoy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:33, Reply)

You might make it.
www.aidsmeds.com/articles/life_expectancy_1667_24239.shtml
( Muns, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:36, Reply)

Stop with all the stereotypes. If anything the gay scene gives free rubbers and promotes safe sex

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 May 2014, 16:45, Reply)