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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Any of you other poor bastards at work right now?
4pm feels further away than a Paralympian moonwalker. Cheer me up please
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 8:16, 147 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
nah m8, working weekends is for suckas yo

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 8:31, Reply)
IKR
I is a sucka, like a hoova
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 8:33, Reply)
shit's wack, fool

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 8:38, Reply)
Naah Blud
Chillin' like a villain*, innit.

*Actually having my second cup of tea and wondering whether to have a bacon sandwich - pretty 'street' eh!
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:04, Reply)
holy mother of god why am I even out of bed at this time
I just dreamt that I got up and was feeling fine. Amd then I actually woke up.

:(
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:11, Reply)
When the alarm clock went off this morning I actually cried out "No!"
in a desperate plea for clemency from the horror
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:12, Reply)
Ha!
/sympathy
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:14, Reply)
I woke up same time as I normally do - the alarm clock is just a backup in case of previous evening drunkenness
No hangover - bonus! Not working today - bonus! I have bacon and tea - extra double bonus!
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:17, Reply)
As a vegetarian at work with a hangover
You can fuck off
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)
see ... you've only really yourself to blame for those dreadful life choices

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:24, Reply)
I could fucking murder a bacon butty
Or my ex
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:34, Reply)
was your ex well padded? you could kill two birds with one stone

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:35, Reply)
Eh, effort

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
Bacon update -
Sandwich was excellent. Thick-cut smoked bacon on brown bread.
That is all
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:50, Reply)
imma spend an hour feeling indignant that I have the hangover that I totally deserve

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:23, Reply)
I think I'm going to become a Methodist

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:33, Reply)
worst Herman's Hermits cover version ever.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Yo Darthy baby
Just to let you know that I'm not at work HTH
Where the fuck have you been anyway?
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:26, Reply)
he's prolly been circle skipping at infest

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:26, Reply)
Yeah like he has skillz like that

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:27, Reply)
ebm guyliner synthcore

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:28, Reply)
Wow, look at all this new material you've developed in my absence

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
wow, look at the unmitigated horror that your life still is
I see you used your time out from here in a constructive manner.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:40, Reply)
Am back in The Capital mate
We should do beer
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:35, Reply)
Yeah no probs, I'm in Sherwood now

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
Was there about 8 hours ago
Walked home from the city, stupid buses
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:40, Reply)
All the way to Arnold? that's a bit of a trek

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:51, Reply)
Well remembered
You fucking stalker.

It was indeed a trek, but I was drunk
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:56, Reply)
Yeah, I can never remember important stuff though

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:58, Reply)
I've just braved the sales at ASDA West Bridgford
I'm now trying to see if this £29 tablet was worth it?
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:30, Reply)
oh boy ... I love justving

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:32, Reply)

justg
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:35, Reply)
I'm not touching anything stronger than sarsaparilla for at least two hours

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:36, Reply)
I feel I deserve a morning beer, been up for ages it feel like it's about 2pm

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:52, Reply)
I'm considering a lager and lime. Which is basically a soft drink.
They're playing 80s electro on the wireless and I feel like I'm coming up again.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:22, Reply)
I'm listening to Kemet FM they are banging out some decent tunes
Fuck it I'm having a lazy day now I'm gonna crack a beer
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:26, Reply)
You're overpaying
Or that's gonna be one seriously messy night
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:35, Reply)
Archos 7 cobalt, I didn't even need a tablet but at that price, what the hell

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:38, Reply)
Maybe I should pick one up
Watching Gossip Girl on a non-cracked screen would be a whole new experience
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:45, Reply)
All gone in about 30 seconds, I was queueing from 6am
I only went to pick up a TV for my son
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:50, Reply)
tranny chaser, eh?

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:51, Reply)
A TV for your son?
Swapsies or Tranny prostitute? Either way it's a bit creepy, mate.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 9:52, Reply)
Weird, I'm driving to west bridge ford in about an hour

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:01, Reply)
weird, like your spazzoid face and planetary arse

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:08, Reply)
You have no idea
Poor old baldy
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:17, Reply)
Nottingham is OK
I will be doing battle with the Xmas shopping hordes in Leamington later *shudders*
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:09, Reply)
I assume you'll be coming to visit me?

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:11, Reply)
2 screaming babies :(((

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:16, Reply)
Darth has a twin?

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:19, Reply)
I don't think you understand
That wasn't a request
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:19, Reply)
Yer, wimmin driving what ever next

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:15, Reply)
they'll be wearing trousers and demanding the vote next

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:31, Reply)
I've just been watching the news,
Up here there was a 3 hour queue to get out of the shopping centre.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:08, Reply)
Fuck I hate people

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:17, Reply)
Oxford has never really been a car friendly place

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:17, Reply)
It was Bicester village.
Custom designed drive in shopping place.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 11:04, Reply)
somebody needs to invent a kind of computer network so that you can conduct basic commerce from the comfort of your home and have the goods delivered without any stress

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:21, Reply)
If such a thing existed
there would be porn of it.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:28, Reply)
no way ... an invention as clever as that would be used for educative and improving endeavours

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:30, Reply)
...in the field of wanking
Possibly fisting
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:32, Reply)
that's my favourite Glastonbury field

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:33, Reply)
I heard at the ol' Ferguson Plantation they're having a Black Friday fire-sale too.
All stock must go.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:25, Reply)
Who did Missus Foxtrot end up sleeping with Marti?

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:32, Reply)
Craig Revell Horwood.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:46, Reply)
DARTH!

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:37, Reply)
I noes that's what I thought

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:40, Reply)
How much did you save in Asda?

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:44, Reply)
JEFF!
Alright?
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:44, Reply)
Good thanks.
What brings you to these parts, aside from telecommunications overtime?
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:47, Reply)
Working on a Saturday :-(
Won't be making a habit of this in the new job sadly
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 10:54, Reply)
I might get up in a minute and go for a fry up.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 11:00, Reply)
I should be, but I'm not.
If it's any consolation, this is because I'm still fragile from my excessive bout of stomachaids the other day.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 11:57, Reply)
Stomach aids eh.
Did you have a runny bot-bot?
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:02, Reply)
It was more the other end, to be honest.
I can't remember the last time I've ever felt so ill.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:04, Reply)
Rather than being sympathetic, I'm just going to call you a bender.
BENDER.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:10, Reply)
in a bun!

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:12, Reply)
Much appreciated.
Thanks. Friend.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:29, Reply)
Well, I wish I was dead
Sorry I've not answered your text B3th, no phones policy here (hence the above)
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:31, Reply)
Does a no phones rule not make being a telecoms professional somewhat difficult?

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:33, Reply)
Having nothing funny to say hasn't been an obstacle to a career in comedy for some time now

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:35, Reply)
Well, screw you then.
Hope your day gets better x
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:42, Reply)
It will about 4pm
Sorry to hear you had the AIDS honey
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:48, Reply)
Well, on the plus side,
I've lost over half a stone this week.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:56, Reply)
Bloody hell.
Can I have your AIDS please? Gym takes AGES
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:05, Reply)
I would gladly have given it to ANYONE.
Seriously, there were times this week when I would literally rather have been dead.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:07, Reply)
:-( poor b3th
Are you fully over it now?

Hang on... your boobs haven't shrunk have they?!?!
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:12, Reply)
I'm chilling with my cat, autonomic on the stereo

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:32, Reply)
stupid name for a cat ahahahajajaja

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:38, Reply)
ahahahaha!!!!!!!!
You're right!!!!
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 12:38, Reply)
This'll make you laugh
I have a girlfriend.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:07, Reply)
nigga, please

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:07, Reply)
Nah, bruv, it's on facebook
so it must be true.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:12, Reply)
*strikes through name in little black book*

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:13, Reply)
ive been dragged out shopping
may mot survive the day
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:47, Reply)
*laboured John Motson pun*

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:52, Reply)
you mott

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:53, Reply)
it's the DfT these days, grandad

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:54, Reply)
I was at work but I'm not now. I rode my bicycle home. It was good.
By David aged 33.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:52, Reply)
I posted a 'selfie' on 'facebook' to show off my 'moustache'!
By Timothy, age 34.
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:54, Reply)
I bet you look like a silly faggot

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:55, Reply)
nah m8, it's a well manly tache, all bristly like baleen

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:56, Reply)
Wispy paedo tache

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:56, Reply)
bristly paedo tache, actually

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:57, Reply)
I just stalked you on Facebook. It's wispy.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:58, Reply)
it's not my profile pic

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:01, Reply)
I didn't really

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:03, Reply)
I know.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:05, Reply)

b g
lee co
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:57, Reply)
i'm jewish m8, i find your bacon reference offensive

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:58, Reply)
YOU find it offensive, fuck off, I'm vegetarian
That's real pain. What do the Jews know about suffering anyway
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:00, Reply)
im vegetarian m8

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:01, Reply)
then you can fuck off

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:05, Reply)
you sound a bit upset about my lifestyle choice mate

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:07, Reply)
carrots feel pain too, you know

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:09, Reply)
I care not a jot.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:12, Reply)

pain too really nice in my bottom
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:16, Reply)
he said he cared not a jot, not not a fig

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:17, Reply)
You shouldn't have murdered Our Lord Jesus The Christ then.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:02, Reply)
He was out of order
Called Pilate's mum a slag
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:16, Reply)
see ... this is exactly why I didn't accept your FB request

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:55, Reply)
I no longer live in Norwich or work in telecommunications
By Martin, 32, I fucking wish
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 13:58, Reply)
Norwich is quite good for gigs and racism. And not being Ipswich.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:01, Reply)
Those are its principal redeeming features
principal only
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:02, Reply)
Ipswich should have a line of bulldozers driven through it from one side to the other.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:07, Reply)

bull
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:08, Reply)
your jewish too?

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:08, Reply)
Or a LION ON A BULLDOZER

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:12, Reply)
+CHEESE

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:20, Reply)
A CHEESELION
on a bulldozer

with a flamethrower attachment
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:25, Reply)
I'm in the pub
This is a good thing. Just booked a night out with the Doris in Leamington Spa at the Regency. Dinner and a singer/guitarist.
Should be good
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:28, Reply)
I'm s'posed to be going to a gig tonight
There are three potential issues with this

1) I feel like death
2) I have to work tomorrow, and if I go out tonight, will feel like death
3) Abject lack of massive drugs to remedy one or ideally both of the above problems
(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:32, Reply)
Sleep now.

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:37, Reply)
Alright "Derren Brown"

(, Sat 29 Nov 2014, 14:39, Reply)

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