Morning all!
I went to my company Xmas do last night. I stayed sober while watching all the drunkenness around me - by criminy there will be some epic hangovers today. I wish I'd video'd the proceedings, my next pay rise would be astronomical.
Anyway, dear B3tans, how was your Friday night? And more to the point, are you hung over? If so, allow me to say Hahahahahahahahahahaha.
Alt: Last minute shopping? Panicing about Thursday? Are you really that disorganised?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 9:31, 62 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

panicking, Thursday, holidays, cheers

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 9:38, Reply)

Bit verbose, mate!
Couldn't you strip it down a bit?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 9:44, Reply)

captain placid likes pthc

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 9:45, Reply)

panicking thursday, hates christmas?

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:41, Reply)

presents that he chooses

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:42, Reply)

morning, just ordered the 'breakfast platter', anything platter related is usually good innit.
alt: FUUUUUUUUUUUCK
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 9:52, Reply)

I went out, it was shit
I don't have a hangover, planning one of them for tomorrow.

Alt: shopping is for blobbing birds and woofters
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:09, Reply)

I'm fresh as a daisy and packed and ready for my chrimbo hollybobs.

(old man river possible lesbian, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:19, Reply)

Anywhere nice?

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:21, Reply)

Toulouse and the Pyrénées

(old man river possible lesbian, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:42, Reply)

Lovely
But a bit, y'know, French.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:10, Reply)

yerr a bit

(old man river possible lesbian, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:36, Reply)

ha, pay rise, yeah right
you'd just get bumped off by the company's resident assassin
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:22, Reply)

Unlikely
I am the company's resident assassin.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:55, Reply)

assin
(old man river possible lesbian, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:03, Reply)

If you only murder arseholes are you an...
Assassassin?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:08, Reply)

if you do it whilst riding a donkey, then presumably
that makes you a....

heehawassassassin

or something
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:15, Reply)

Multiple murder of donkey arses would be
Massassassassassination
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 12:04, Reply)

the best bee gees single

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 16:16, Reply)

Countless animals are forced to sacrifice , where the high concentrated liquid are dropped on their skin and keep corroding their flesh day by day , worse than a zombie , half - dead with fright , in the cold and bloody laboratory , once they are "used " they will be threw away and die in stinky flesh slowly , and without any dignity .
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:49, Reply)

alt.erotica.fanfic.pingu?

(old man river possible lesbian, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 10:55, Reply)

#Ledge
metro.co.uk/2014/12/18/man-walked-into-police-station-lit-joint-got-naked-poohed-in-cell-and-wiped-it-over-walls-4992031/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:18, Reply)

kilroy

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:29, Reply)

stop reading the metro
you're not a thick pleb
(old man river possible lesbian, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:36, Reply)

he's a shit-covered Jew

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 11:50, Reply)

I've had some cracking few days recently, take some extra lactulous and my shitting is all done by 8:30am so I can get on with my day.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 12:10, Reply)

It's infotainment !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 12:02, Reply)

We've all done it

( broadsword now that's fresh, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 14:58, Reply)

The Doris is getting annoyed with me
As I've given her no clues or suggestions as to what I might like as a Christmas gift.

'Nothing' isn't an acceptable answer apparently.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 13:44, Reply)

Here is the card to play
You say what you would like for Christmas is

" for her to wear her sexiest lingerie all day long and be willing to service any depraved act at your whim"

Then all innocently say, well you did ask
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:38, Reply)

No hangover
No shopping
No panicking
I FUCKING RULE
( broadsword now that's fresh, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 14:36, Reply)

^ hates tits

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 14:49, Reply)

HOW DARE YOU

( broadsword now that's fresh, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 14:56, Reply)

^^^ This

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:02, Reply)

Not much to panc about though is there
In planning a lonely crywank in the bedsit
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:20, Reply)

See, every cloud and all that
B-dog how's you?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:28, Reply)

I am good double H
Finished for their year on Wednesday have been getting fatter and more drunk ever since, now looking forward to Christmas itself. Always good in the village where I get to outsmart the resident idiot.

How's life for you ol bean
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:32, Reply)

I'm doing good new house, new car, new woman.
I'm also looking forward to Christmas, but would rather go all old school and celebrate Saturnalia instead
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:38, Reply)

That's the small oranges innit
Good man. Off to get a hair cut in a minute so Samson like my powers will be reduced for a few days
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:40, Reply)

alright?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:21, Reply)

alright
I bought some hip hop today.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 15:53, Reply)

well done.
I listened to hiphop whilst doing domestic chores.

I also treated myself to a bottle of diplomatico reserva exclusiva rum.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 17:53, Reply)

Plod were on Leeds Northern Ring Road at 08.30 this morning doing random breath tests
There were some expensive motors impounded, and a number of very fucked-off looking people at the bus stop.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 17:33, Reply)

csb

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 17:35, Reply)

Yes.
What does csb mean please?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 17:42, Reply)

cool story, bro

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 17:52, Reply)

I was stopped and breathalysed this morning
No problem, didn't drink last night. There were a shitload of company Xmas parties last night so morning breathalysing gives plod a chance to up the stats and get the bonuses.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 17:53, Reply)

in Scotland they dropped the limit to 50mg on the 6th of Dec.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:00, Reply)

I heard that.
There's a bit of a spat going on at the civilisation/jockistan border regarding limits as there's differing alcohol pricing either side of the border so people travel to drink.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:02, Reply)

Apparently the UK has the highest alcohol per milligram legal tolerance in Europe
Now not including Scotland.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:07, Reply)

however, Britain tends to be a lot less tolerant of people over the limit.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:34, Reply)

That's one for Nigel Farage to answer
Nigel...Nige...shout up if you're here.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:37, Reply)

see, the morning after thing is why I opposed the change really.
I've never driven over the limit on the same night but probably have the morning after.

I'm guessing anything more than about 4 pints the night before and you're probably done now.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:33, Reply)

I wasn't flagged in but it wouldn't have been a problem if I had
I can't say it's a bad idea really - I have a fairly cavalier attitude to law and order but I won't drink and drive and that includes morning after.

All they were doing this morning was shooting fish in a barrel.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:01, Reply)

I looked at the stats
Approximately 1/6 of fatal accidents were attributed to drink-driving. However, if you look more closely (and boy, is this shit well hidden) you'll find that the stats include everyone that is in the accident that has been drinking. So, if at drunk walks in front of a teetotaller's car - that's a drink-drive statistic, even though the driver was sober.
On a lighter note, if 1/6 of fatalities on the road are caused by drink-driving, that means that 5/6 are caused by those sober bastards.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:08, Reply)

drink driving is inexcusable and unacceptable
Lol.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:09, Reply)

Does that make it acceptable then?
Make it acceptable and I still wouldn't do it.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:11, Reply)

I value my life. Never mind the other fuckers.
I might kill myself, then I'd be sorry
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:16, Reply)

Not trying to make it acceptable
Just pissed off at the underhand manipulation of statistics.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:17, Reply)

I'd put good money on the fact I'm a better driver after a couple of pints

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:22, Reply)

You can manipulate them any way you want
I value my life too, and I drive a lot, and I'd rather not have to cash my chips in too early.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:27, Reply)

they should shiv anyone driving under the influence of anything
including drink, drugs and house music
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Sat 20 Dec 2014, 18:38, Reply)