OFFICIAL WINDY PIG TOOLS DOWN! FUCK YOU! THREAD.
Why don't you all just give up and go home. If travelling by train, I prescribe train cans, if walking a cheeky couple of cans of G&T and if you're driving, sip a hip flask of whisky at every red light.
Anyone on a bus not welcome!

Alt: Stick it up your bum.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:36, 122 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

I only travel by penny farthing and hot air balloon.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:38, Reply)

then be sure to keep a decanter of finest port on hand in your balloon,
For pedalling, a sports bottle of vodka is acceptable.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:39, Reply)

Sports bottles of Vodka are for the gym aren't they?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:42, Reply)

vermouth for the gym

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:51, Reply)

Of course.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:56, Reply)

or the shower

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:53, Reply)

I have a vodka orange in the shower to go with the toothpaste.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:56, Reply)

something about auto erotic asphyxiation

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:58, Reply)

Don't judge me.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:12, Reply)

Yessssss

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:49, Reply)

WWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKEEERREEENNNNNNNNND!!!!!!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:50, Reply)

totes smashing it up tonight m8, hopefully I'll embarass myself

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:55, Reply)

I'm off out on the town as well. messy.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:58, Reply)

cool I might text you later because that would be lol

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:07, Reply)

I'll stand you a photo of the drunken mess I get myself in to

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:09, Reply)

deal

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:10, Reply)

Bussist cunt.

( Muns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:52, Reply)

not our fault you're a povvo poor pants.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:58, Reply)

shit parking and no need for trains. its alright.

( Muns, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:46, Reply)

I'm already at home and drinking out of an actual real-life glass. With ice and everything.

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:55, Reply)

^posh cunt

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:58, Reply)

I've got my little finger stuck RIGHT up

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:59, Reply)

I downed tools an hour and a half ago, but I was waiting for the word from you to start drinking

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 16:58, Reply)

QUICK GET ON A FUCKING TRAIN

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:03, Reply)

i've just got a lovely witness statement to draft
i do enjoy doing those. a so-called friendly british company being a total twat, this will rub egg all over their faces, mwa ha ha.

supposed to be going over to my friend's for dinner, but forest hill is bloody miles away from civilisation.

alt: no thanks.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:03, Reply)

I wonder if anyone's ever done the 'Cool Hand Luke' 50 egg challenge with Cream Eggs.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:05, Reply)

Eating or the OP's alt?

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:06, Reply)

they melt too quickly to get a decent number up your hole before they come running back out
apparently
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:11, Reply)

^bumegg

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:14, Reply)

What if they were chilled first....
....We need a chutney's expert opinion on this.
Where's Geordie when you need him?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:15, Reply)

down tesco buying frozen creme eggs

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:16, Reply)

not any more, now cadburys have changed the recipe
*boycotts*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:06, Reply)

also i just bit into what i thought was a hollow lindt egg
and it was full of chocolate truffle. i am not sure how i feel about this.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:08, Reply)

I like the truffle ones.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:08, Reply)

me too
the new limited edition strawberry and white chocolate ones are NOM (they sound revoltingly sickly, and i normally dislike strawberry stuff, but trust me on this and buy some for ladypig).

BUT I WASN'T EXPECTING IT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:09, Reply)

ha, fuck surprises.
I'll try and find them, not seen any.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:13, Reply)

you can get them at tesco, boots etc etc
but here:

www.amazon.co.uk/Lindt-Lindor-Strawberry-Cream-200/dp/B00HLHC3FA
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:15, Reply)

it's always satisfying when a nab gets what's coming to them.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:08, Reply)

I CAN'T DRINK!!!
You're all bastards - I want a beer, or a large VLS with ice and I CAN'T DRINK
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:07, Reply)

^doctors pet

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:08, Reply)

It's the frickin' dentist ffs!

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:10, Reply)

that does sound terrible.
Did they say anything about other substances? Maybe get some weed in and get loosey goosey
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:13, Reply)

That may well become plan B

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:15, Reply)

saw a comedian last night who claimed he used to do the facebook status updates for captain morgan
he was very funny making it sound very very soul destroying. i hope it was true.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:08, Reply)

I'm on a train to Reading
And I have NO CANS.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:10, Reply)

this sounds like a very poor life choice
very poor
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:12, Reply)

There's a nice enough bar across the square from Reading station

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:13, Reply)

www.oakfordsocialclub.com/
(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:14, Reply)

only if judged by Milton Keynes standards

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:15, Reply)

No judged by Reading standards, from when I lived there.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:17, Reply)

No idea what hotel we are in.
Apparently it's by the station. Everything seems to be by the station.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:20, Reply)

There's a lot near the station. Depending on how hammered you want to get the purple turtle is worth going to
it's a proper dive bar in the best sense.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:24, Reply)

jesus
Have you ever lived anywhere that wasn't a miserable office drone nightmare?
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:22, Reply)

Paris, Shrewsbury, Staffford, Woburn

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:23, Reply)

'no' then

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:24, Reply)

Ha

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:24, Reply)

everybody talk about pop muzik

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:24, Reply)

reading is a shit soul sucking place
there is never a good reason to go there. what's yours, so that we may mock?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:16, Reply)

one of my uncles is a distinguished academic at Reading Uni, true story

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:17, Reply)

christ
even dr dull has a better degree than that
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:26, Reply)

he's an authority in his Boyce-friendly field, actually

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:36, Reply)

Behead of School?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:38, Reply)

nah, psychopharmacology
Especially naturally occurring drugs.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:40, Reply)

fucking hippies

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:43, Reply)

his books are rather interesting

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:44, Reply)

but not interesting enough to escape from Reading

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:47, Reply)

Applied Cuntsproutery?

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:40, Reply)

The Doris wants to go to her mates 'going away' party.
I'll be happy enough as it's in a pub.

Tomorrow we make the journey to 'that London' for a 40th birthday meal and pub combo.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:18, Reply)

*narrow eyes*
your story checks out
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:25, Reply)

I've been banned from trying to make lunch plans tomorrow
As she fears I'll not be on form for the evening.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:31, Reply)

it's almost like she knows you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:31, Reply)

I know. It's mental.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:33, Reply)

Youngest sprog lived in Reading for a while with her B/F
It's not a very nice place*


*Would've been twinned with Baghdad - but the mayor of Baghdad objected
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:21, Reply)

hi gang!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:15, Reply)

dozey d on the whiskey

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:17, Reply)

nah m8, I'm on the bongos

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:17, Reply)

bongo mags, that is

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:17, Reply)

I fancy going home by handcar, looks dangerous though what with the drivers you get these days

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:34, Reply)

everything's gone to Hull in a handcar, that's what I heard

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 17:37, Reply)

If any of you use uTorrent for "legally obtaining" media you should removed it and get something else, it's installing stuff behind your back and may have security vunerabilities.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Mar 2015, 18:16, Reply)