Saturday!
Start of the Easter half-term holidays! Traditionally it's the weekend that DIY armageddon starts, I'll be building a greenhouse - what are you gits doing?
Alt: It's pretty damn meh weather wise here in Warwickshire so the planned walk in the countryside's not gonna happen - what's your best excuse for not doing something?*

*That's something, not YM
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 9:35, 58 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Reckon I'll take next week off.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 9:41, Reply)

im doing nothing, apart from clicking round the internet all morning.
keyword: work
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 9:51, Reply)

I'm too busy appearing in a 1970s sitcom.
I'm the creepy mid-30s guy who hangs around with teenagers and dresses like a tosser.

Much like Dozer.
(Good evening Good evening, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 9:53, Reply)

I am escorting two lovely ladies on a boozy do this afternoon.
Pizza for breakfast and it isn't even leftovers.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 10:16, Reply)

Fresh pizza for breakfast?!
I am impressed! All I had was a black pudding sandwich and many mugs of tea.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 10:58, Reply)

co-op truly irrestible pizza, very nice.
Black pudding butty sounds a tad dry, you need that tea.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 11:06, Reply)

Cut the black pudding thick and just crisp-fry the outside, leaving the middle soft
Food of the gods
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 11:24, Reply)

I went to a mime improvisation evening yesterday.
It was all rather Nathan Barley.

Five-and-a-half hours of my afternoon/evening are going to be spent rehearsing, then the birthday party of a vague acquaintance, in the hope that there will still be some booze left by the time I get there.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 11:20, Reply)

get some help

(Good evening Good evening, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 11:48, Reply)

New bond trailer.
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GvQJbF2CXLQ
and before you ask, he says you're a kite, not you're a cunt.
(PsychoChomp, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:14, Reply)

I thought he said kike.

(Good evening Good evening, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:17, Reply)

Just had Jehovah's Witness at the door. How quaint.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:14, Reply)

We only really get mormons here.

(PsychoChomp, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:17, Reply)

the fact they call early on the weekend means quite a few of them have seen me in a housecoat with the dt's.
You can pinpoint the part where they wished they hadn't called.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)

there's a mormon church half a mile away
I quite often get buttonholed by neatly dressed American chaps wanting to share the good news.
(Good evening Good evening, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:19, Reply)

strikethrough button
+ corn

Lol!
(Good evening Good evening, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:20, Reply)

by neatly while
American in leather
wanting to share the and it's
news fun
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 13:22, Reply)

dunno about Mormons but apparently JW's will actually not bother you again if you ask them not to.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:20, Reply)

they are idiots

(Good evening Good evening, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:21, Reply)

Tell them you used to be a mormon but left.
You're pretty much on par with satan after that.
( Muns, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:24, Reply)

Should have invited them in, personally I have a 'human skin lampshade and hunting trophy heads' lounge for this purpose alone.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 12:59, Reply)

he was on his way the minute he'd given me the leaflet.
I'm having a pint after doing the shop.

I've 'treated' myself to a decadent lunch of Mr brains faggots.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 14:50, Reply)

By 'doing' the shop I hope you mean robbing

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:06, Reply)

if I was stealing I wouldn't be nicking £1 ready meals.
That would constitute a striking lack of ambition.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:16, Reply)

Some of the pound shops round here have security guards, what the fuck is this country coming to
Just how much theft would you need to prevent to pay for your employment
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:18, Reply)

it really is bad.
A wise theif would go for meat, booze and designer clothing.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 15:26, Reply)

We used to security sticker some of the pricier beef joints.
Occasionally you'd go round the shelves at the end of the day and find a bit of bloody plastic with the barcode sticker on. So a customer has actually come into the shop with a retractable knife in their pocket ... premeditated much?
And who'd put a piece of meat with the wrapper cut open inside their coat? Ugh
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:00, Reply)

a bloody shoplifter

(Good evening Good evening, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:17, Reply)

<s>shop</s> shirt

(Good evening Good evening, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 16:18, Reply)

I've bought steaks outside pubs from shoplifters with obvious drug addictions.
They provide a service. They always have the packaging still though. I don't think I'd want it seasoned with bits of lint and Golden Virginia.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sat 28 Mar 2015, 17:01, Reply)