Staff Conference
So today is my day of hell. Yes, another staff conference. The very same day that brought me "circus activities" and "samba drumming"......

This year was supposed to be a talent contest. The organisers failed to realise that 60% of the company are autistic savants who dont even look you in the eye, never mind stand up in front of 200 people. This was cancelled late on, leaving the "entertainment" section a mystery.

What should we be doing? Best/worst company FUN! ideas?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:50, 38 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

genocide

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:53, Reply)

I like it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:55, Reply)

"dont worry about that hissing noise folks, I am just popping out to get some booze"

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:58, Reply)

They should dress you up in a bunny suit
tell you you're the "Happiness Bunny" and order you to spread happiness around the conference. Anyone who doesn't smile has to take over the bunny suit and continue the job.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:55, Reply)

This will probably be terrifyingly near the mark

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:56, Reply)

It's out of a Dilbert book I read ages ago, and allegedly it's a true story

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:57, Reply)

Sounds a bit Donnie Darko to me.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:20, Reply)

a o
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:55, Reply)

?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:57, Reply)

I am guessing that out of all tha "a"s he has chosen the one at the end of Samba.

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 May 2015, 9:58, Reply)

wet tshirt contest. fastest blow job contest. longest willy contest. deepest Bum hole contest. best dancing. best wakki tie. best socks.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 May 2015, 10:03, Reply)

Not bad

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:10, Reply)

A wet tshirt contest for IT spods
Doesn't sound that appealing
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:18, Reply)

most IT spods already have damp t-shirts from arguing on Usenet about whether the millennium falcon is faster than the enterprise

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:19, Reply)

feel a bit sick now
:(
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:20, Reply)

Mmmmmm Moob sweat

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:20, Reply)

I briefly worked with a guy who almost invariably had an inverted T of sweat salts staining his shirt front
:( :( :(
(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:25, Reply)

I am going to take this to mean you had a mirror opposite your desk

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:29, Reply)

my moobs are always impeccably talced

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 7 May 2015, 11:12, Reply)

Bare-knuckle fighting.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:05, Reply)

haha!
This is an excellent idea!

*sharpens fists*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:07, Reply)

Go "the ancient way" kickboxer style

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:20, Reply)

You should just go home.
The BEST thing to do with your work m8s is to go to the pub.
The WORST company bonding thing is when your boss touches you inappropriately and suggests you'll lose your job if you say anything.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:06, Reply)

fine, everyone gets a reply but me, i see, be like that. i mean i didnt put any effort in to this but still, the quality of my usual efforts should have earned me some respect. so long beeta, thanks for nothing.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:42, Reply)

Oh man,,,,,,

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:43, Reply)

I've always wondered why sporto hates you, I suspect his motives are probably racist

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:44, Reply)

snakist

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:44, Reply)

fancy dress murder mystery clay pigeon shooting jazz aerobics

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:08, Reply)

WINNAR!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:10, Reply)

Something for everyone.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 7 May 2015, 10:11, Reply)

it also doubles up as a terrible stag party, terrible bank holiday city break, and terrible wake

(lol man river definite greek god, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:18, Reply)

A work colleague is on the committee of his local bowls club
In his official capacity he spent his Good Friday off at 3 funerals. Literally crematorium, wake, crematorium, wake....FFS
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 7 May 2015, 10:24, Reply)

surely he could have organised some sort of 3 for 1 discount

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:30, Reply)

Jack it in

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:44, Reply)

Your bias is obvious

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 7 May 2015, 10:46, Reply)

Well it can't be any worse than this thread

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:38, Reply)

TRUFAX

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:44, Reply)

Urgh. Forgot to take my phone to bed so didn't wake up until 10.
That does sound awful sporters. I'd feign injury or something.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 7 May 2015, 10:49, Reply)