Uncle b3ta, I hav a problem...
The other day, this arsehole across from me kinda drained my xmas spirit, he was parked in the most perculiar of places- thus making me and my missus unable to get our car out.
So I knocked on his door and politely asked him to move it so we could get out, however he told me to 'piss off' and slammed the door in my face, slightly annoyed by this I knocked on his door again, this time bursting through the door and threatening to 'knock me out' etc..
cos I waked his baby up or summat...

my girlfriend came by and she joined in with the whole arguement, until he started rubbing in her face that her dad died etc, (my partners dad died a few months ago, RIP Bill, I'll miss you mate), and his stupid agrophobic partner was joining in next, saying 'wah wah so what your dads dead, tough shit, rah rah..'

eventually he moved his car whilst I vagely heard his partner shouting shit at me from a distance I dont know for shit what she was shoutng though..

he was a wanker, he ruined my evening, what should I do to get revenge on him?

oh well, happy xmas to all b3tians!!
(Lord Chode, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 17:58, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What a lovely story.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 18:14, Reply)

Official B3ta revenge
is to give them both a hearty cunting in the fuck until they stop twitching.

Other option is if they refuse to move the car next time when it is blocking your way, take pictures, then drive into it.
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 18:38, Reply)

and take video of you driving into it, and post it on /links.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 18:56, Reply)

Post
a pig's ear through their letterbox addressed to their child.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 19:14, Reply)

If you have access to their clothesline, rub a small amount of fibreglass on the crotch of their underwear.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 24 Dec 2008, 19:14, Reply)

This sounds like a job for
Kaol and his collection of knives.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 24 Dec 2008, 20:03, Reply)

No need for revenge
If that's how they behave to people in public, imagine what their private lives are like. Let them stew in their own misery and move on, don't stoop to that level. It's Christmas,

Love your enemy...


It will fuck with their minds
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 0:06, Reply)

You see
I think this (http://www.biowash.com/products/product.php?pid=39) kind of product might help. I've never had a chance to test exacly how effective coating a car's paintwork in industrial paint stripper is, so if you go with it, pictures would be nice :)
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 13:18, Reply)

Fuck it
If you can get his details (mobile, landline, address)

Gay porn hotlines and websites, would be very appreciative to his details, maybe you can find an i love donkeys website, then report the fucker to the rspca for good measure!!

Merry xmas
(Stringy, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Simple but nasty.
Get a few cans of tuna fish. Drain them into a can or jar. Carry it out to his car and pour it into the heater vents, the place where the air is drawn into the car. If you're really feeling mean, add to that some Tesco value perfume.

His car will smell like Amy Winehouse forever.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 25 Dec 2008, 16:41, Reply)

Rape him.
Seriously though, I absolutely do not reccomend filling a jam jar with nitromors, sealing the lid and throwing it at his motor.

That'd be very bad form ;)
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 25 Dec 2008, 20:30, Reply)

bin
Push his wheelie bin against his front door and set fire to it.

It's all the fashion down our way atm.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 26 Dec 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Similar to the above
get as much dog muck as you can, put it inside an empty cereal box, place on his doorstep, set light to the box, knock on his door, hide.

My dad told me that trick years ago.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Sat 27 Dec 2008, 13:42, Reply)

I think you've missed your chance mate
You should have nutted him right between the eyes when he started taking the piss out of your girlfriends dead Dad.

If you wait until after the event to retaliate, it makes you look weak, and cowardly. Next time he gives you any shit, poke him in the eyes then toe him in the family jewels.

Of course I am slightly drunk just now, so this may not be the best advice, but fuck it - it's what I would do.
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sun 28 Dec 2008, 19:56, Reply)