Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
« Go Back | Popular
Home Sweet Home
Tomato sauce goes with everything: discuss.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:14,
280 replies,
latest was 17 years ago)
Morning, LightI'm back. But I don't agree about the tomato sauce. I never eat it at all now, having gone off it a bit.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:26,
Reply)
Tomato saucedoesn't go with a cup of warm milk. Trust me on this.
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:38,
Reply)
It might howeverliven up today's thread. I've been away for a week and come back to lethargy!
Come on people, give up doing important stuff like work, and get down with the
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:42,
Reply)
K2k6You just made me smile, because while I'm sure it probably isn't because I haven't been here, I'm going to pretend that the only reason you said that is because I wasn't here, sexing things up with my army of winkle midgets.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:48, Reply)
Winkle Midgets, eh Turd?Sounds promising...!
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:53,
Reply)
They're tiny people who live on my cockLike the Poddington Peas, but with 32% more rape per square inch.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:55, Reply)
I'm assumingtheir staple diet is cheese.
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:56,
Reply)
Bert you can't keep away can you?I think you do actually love all us OTers and OT itself *hugs*
Hello everyone else!
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TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:58,
Reply)
I now cravefish and soggy chips and a cold stony beach to eat it on.
Along with a pork pie and a scotch egg.
All of which are currently impossible! And I don't even like scotch eggs..
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 8:59, Reply)
You had to try itdidn't you, darras? A warm tomato sauce milkshake...lovely! Not.
Oh, yeah, that's Bert, isn't it? Hadn't realised!
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:00,
Reply)
TGBIt's only attention that I love, you're all just enablers to my b3ta-addiction.
K, I don't get cock cheese, but right now there is a film of sweat around my ballbag, which the winkle midgets are feeding on while organising a party for their disabled brethren, the bum flids.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:02, Reply)
Curiositykilled the cat, apparently. But it's unlikely cats would try ketchup in their milk.
@Bert, it's good to know your winkle midgets are being kept well nourished!
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:05,
Reply)
They mostly exist on a diet oflost Cheerios and a faint sense of whimsy
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:07, Reply)
Morning everyoneMade at home to enjoy at work - like sandwiches or a bad shirt choice.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:11,
Reply)
I have this song stuck in my head:Outta my way
Outta my day
Out of your mind and into mine
Into no one
Into not one
Into your step but out of time
Headstrong
What's wrong?
I've already heard this song before
You've arrived
But now it's time
To kiss your ass good-bye
And now it's time to kiss your ass good-bye
Dragging me down
Why you around?
So useless
It ain't my fall
It ain't my call
It ain't my bitch-ah!
What's wrong with you today?
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:33, Reply)
What's wrong with me?I spent all night sweating and puking.
It was great.
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Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:34,
Reply)
I forgot my lunchbut mrs al is bringing it to me. She's so lully!
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Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:39,
Reply)
Yeah,I was ill.
I feel lots better today.
Er... Just a weird ill-thing I got. Woke up with a sore throat yesterday, then puked a couple of times at band practice last night, then spent the whole night sweating loads, with occasional puking.
But... *shrugs*
I'm ok now, just a bit of a sore throat.
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Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:43,
Reply)
alWhy couldn't you just pop to the shop?
Are you poor? I bet you're poor, and by girlfriend/fianceé, you mean ym
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 9:43, Reply)
What's wrong with me today?I don't have someone to do my work while I relax a bit. Instead I have rather too much work, with rather too close deadlines.
Still, I put up another comic, so that's good.
Morning all!
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:09,
Reply)
I am poorBuying an engagement ring has meant most of this months salary is going on the credit card bill.
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Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:09,
Reply)
I'm pretty hip to the kids these daysI know what's it, i'm down with all that, and I quite like the Kings of Leon song "Sex on Fire". But why must australian radio play it at least once an hour? Why? WHY?
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Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:11,
Reply)
alleave her, she ain't worth it mate. unless she gives head like a well-greased Henry the Hoover
I'm not hip, cool or fun. The Kings of Leon aren't my cup of tea.
Lab, I'll do your work if I get to look at lots of porns.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:14, Reply)
BertyOne of my cases has lots of nice porn. The other does not, but no nasty stuff. Unfortunately, they're both complicated, massive, and incredibly dull.
To clarify, I'm talking about my cases, not my testes.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:17,
Reply)
I investigate computersIt can be interesting, but it's often very very dull.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:19,
Reply)
alYou don't know what lab does? Where have you been?
Lab, I'm not fussed. I'll do boring work for porn any day, it beats doing boring work for my measly £7.50 an hour.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:19, Reply)
He's a commercial traveller, AlTakes two cases everywhere. One with a change of underwear, the other stuffed with pictures of nudey ladies.
Edit - and you don't want to dump your Mrs. That would be wrong. Especially after spending so much money on a ring. You at least need to get your money's worth!
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K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:20,
Reply)
Got it in one K2k6 ;)Anyway, anyone got any interesting plans for the weekend?
I shall try to spend most of it naked.
with YM
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:23,
Reply)
Good Nings, OT!Thank crunchie it's Friday!
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:28,
Reply)
LabYou can have my mum, just as long as you don't bring her back! But I don't think you'd want her!
Naked, are you entertaining young ladyz then?
Me I'll be doing bugger all!
In other news one of my mates just called and told me that I have to keep the 25th of July free to go to a gig!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)
Morning DiT!No Dok, I'm not entertaining anyone this weekend, I just don't want to leave my room ;)
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:35,
Reply)
I imagine some peopleAre going to York this weekend.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:47,
Reply)
ChainsI wish I was going to York this weekend.
So Lab, you'll be entertaining yourself then/
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:48, Reply)
Hello everyone.This weekend I will be mostly still unemployed.
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wanderlust, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:50,
Reply)
Lusty, Hi.If it helps, I'll be lonely.
I'm all alone this weekend.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:56, Reply)
@DokGo have an adventure day then. They are in my opinion the best kind of days.
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wanderlust, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 10:59,
Reply)
I may just do thatdepending on if I get all of my housework done.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 11:03, Reply)
There is a World of Adventuressomewhere in Surrey. Chessington, I think.
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Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 11:03,
Reply)
Depending on if you get all your housework done?Better make sure you don't forget to change your tampon too.
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wanderlust, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 11:05,
Reply)
By houseworkI mean sorting out my animals, I use it to differentiate between that and work.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 11:09, Reply)
Lil Kaolis still all spikey but a lot less stabby now. One of the things that I want to do this weekend is get him into a 3' viv, far better for keeping at the right temp.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 11:36, Reply)
He really needsa temp of about 80F (27-27C) but the shed at he moment is lucky if it gets upto 70F (21-22C).
Putting him in a viv will also stop any drafts getting to him.
We almost had a Dummerols Monitor yesterday for £150, but when it got into the shop it was dead, along with most of the other stuff on the shipment.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 11:51, Reply)
Afternoon all...That animal stuff is a bit boring. Can't we have our usual friday ruderies?
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thealternativefact, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:07,
Reply)
I'll bite your cockbut only if you stroke my hair.
Haha, clendrix agreed with ME. The internets are clearly broken.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:07, Reply)
I'm writing a story aboutCutting up piglets and scaring children.
Animal stuff CAN be fun.
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Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:08,
Reply)
SPUNKBUCKETS!(
Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:08,
Reply)
I often agree with you Bert.But disagreeing is much more fun.
Kaol, you're fucking sick.
Tell us more.
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thealternativefact, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:09,
Reply)
KaolI've come to expect such things from you. Post something different, go wild, talk about fluff and kittens and stabbing people with kindness, not kitchen devils.
No3l who are you calling a spunk bucket? I think of myself as more of a spunk thimble.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:09, Reply)
'noon allHow are we this fine Friday?
In news that will shock the world I have trimmed my beard this morning, see the beard thread for before and after shots:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post336347
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:13, Reply)
KaolHow about a story of piglets cutting up children and scaring adults. That sounds a better idea.
Of course I'll stroke your hair Bert, I'll stroke it with a tire iron!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:14, Reply)
Bill HiI too have trimmed my beard.
Al yes it is a good song, I have to agree with you there.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:17, Reply)
Hmmm...Not exactly pimping this, but as I mentioned it www.b3ta.com/questions/schooldays/post357112
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Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:25,
Reply)
AlI've never heard any of their stuff, I'll have to look them up.
Dok, the last thing you want to do to a guy who's biting your cock is beat him over the head. Haven't you seen Shawshank?
You'd be better off using a jack to pry my teeth open.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:30, Reply)
Speaking of beards...Was there ever any winner of the Beard-off?
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:30,
Reply)
Their second albumis better than their first. And the singer went on to form Scarling, who are also a great band.
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Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:32,
Reply)
DrixyYou know he can!
Bert, It would depend on how I 'stroked' you with it really. Side of the head, low down tends to work wonders.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:34, Reply)
I've never even heard of Scarlingbut I trust your judgement, and I'm going to invest all of my daughter's savings in them.
Dok. Meh.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:36, Reply)
Tell us all about you, VampyrecatEver sat on anything you shouldn't have, and accidentally enjoyed it a little too much?
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:53, Reply)
it's 8 minutes from the weekend hereOH!
Forgot to mention.
Whoever it was who suggested I put loo paper in the fridge last night - thank you but I didn't need it. My stomach and bowels are just *that* awesome at stripping chilli power.
EDIT : Bert - I accidentally sat on the gearstick of the car once, and yes - I enjoyed it a little too much. the engine was on and there were vibrations....oh the vibrations...
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 12:54, Reply)
Al....I only long for yours. but only if you'll, you know, be nice. not mean.
Just to freak you out a little bit :p
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:02, Reply)
Now you mention it ClendrixI thought al liked teh cock. At the bash he was using distraction techniques* to take my attention away from his roamin' hands heading to my nethers.
*his lack of a geordie accent.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:03,
Reply)
DrixyWe all know Al loves the cock far too much. I wonder what his Mrs would say if she only knew the truth?
Afternoon,evening/night, or whatever it is in the strange and mixed up future, Vamp.
EDIT I thing that Al is about as much of a Geordie as I am English!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:08, Reply)
WHAT!That's scandalous.
I would like to apologise for fingering Labs nether regions when I met him.
I mistook him for TGB. It's an easy mistake to make as I'm sure all those aquainted with them will agree.
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Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:17,
Reply)
AlLab has a Mohawk, Badger doesn't, how could you mistake the two?
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:20, Reply)
TGB also has a mowhawk.You just need to get to know her to see it.
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Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:22,
Reply)
Yo shlaaaaagsOnly here for a bit. I'm very busy today and having to try and learn a bit about some fairly complex (to me anyway) bean counting without having any real understanding of more basic bean counting. It's not much fun. I need to find out whether this is a one off thing or something I'm likely to be involved with a lot in the future.
Some sort of course might be in order.
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Captain V, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:23,
Reply)
VWhy do you want to count beans?
Surely it cant be that complex if it consists of only real numbers ;)
EDIT Al that's not a nowhawk, that's a landing strip!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:37, Reply)
Counting themNot as good as flicking them.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:42,
Reply)
That will be whythere were so many pilots hanging around it.
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Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:42,
Reply)
DokHave you ever tried countig Pi beans?! It's very difficult =[
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Captain V, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:42,
Reply)
Afternoon folks.Does anyone else think Bill's glasses in his beard pictures are amazing?
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wanderlust, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:44,
Reply)
But VThey are still not complex!
Why Lusty, who's glasses are they?
Yes Al, how did you notice!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:48, Reply)
No but Pi is still a real numberI can count imaginary beans much more easily.
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Captain V, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:51,
Reply)
Well LustyI do not think that they will make you look like an old lady, they are nice, they don't look right on Bill though.
V OK, carry on with the counting!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 13:58, Reply)
awww poor Lusty*huggles*
it'll all look better in the morning dear.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:00, Reply)
Back from a meetingBy meeting, I mean a bunch of us stopped work to bitch about work stuff, and then billed our time as 'Meeting (non-case)'.
How the fuck is everyone?
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:03,
Reply)
Thank you clendrix.If you were here now, I'd rub up against you.
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wanderlust, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:07,
Reply)
Nice trim from BillI desperately need a similar session as I'm definitely heading into Grizzly Adams territory.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:12,
Reply)
sounds like fun labI'm good.
Wish I was having sexy tiem though. it's been a fair while. I hate dry spells.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:12, Reply)
Yes Drixy, I bet she doesVamp, isn't all of your part of the world going through a dry spell?
Bert that's because you are!
Lab, I'm bored, an counting the minutes till I can get to the pub!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:18, Reply)
well I'm gladthat one of us is enjoying ourselves, bert.
:p
EDIT: Dok. while I'm sure a lot of people in my area are also experiencing a dry spell - I was referring not to the weather but the fact that my hand is now my best friend and has been for the last 12 months. :(
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:18, Reply)
VampyreSame here, a 14 month dry spell! Still, I'm not actually that interested really, much to my parents distress.
My mother practically begs me to provide her with grandchildren.
Not via her, filthy people
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:19,
Reply)
AwwI'd swim all the way over there, just to give you the greatest seeing to of your antipodean life if it wasn't for the fact that I'm madly in love with my totally incredible, and very patient, ladywomangirlfriendwife.
*spreads for Lab*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:20, Reply)
*sees Bert spread**halfheartedly pumps Berts hairy axewound*
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:22,
Reply)
If we close our eyes and wish really hardas you're thrusting your turgid cock up my ringpiece, maybe, just maybe, Jesus will bestow upon us a Monkeysex anal baby.
EDIT Cat, 12 months!? Right, gaz me your address, you're getting some cock. PRONTO
*rolls up sleeves, adjusts belt*
*stomps off with intent*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:23, Reply)
LABYou just made me snort. like actually SNORT through my nose laughing.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:24, Reply)
I think that Lab's parentsWould be more likely to kill that with sticks and fire than welcome it as their own grandchild.
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Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:25,
Reply)
My mother would be so proud!(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:25,
Reply)
Your mother should be gratefulWith my ears and your mohawk, the baby would be ideal for conversion into a wind turbine.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:26, Reply)
Pah to you allI've just gone through an eight year dry spell, well mainly!
No Bert, jebus won't do that for you, im sorry.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:26, Reply)
How do you know, Dok?My mate Jesus who works at the infertility clinic likes to experiment with anus-foetal cohesion.
...and eight years? Christ, how many of you people do I have to fuck?
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:29, Reply)
So BertAre you trying to tell me that our offspring could help usher in a new age of green, renewable energy?
I think I'd rather see the world burn.
Thanks all the same though!
*gives Bert a manly pat on the back*
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:29,
Reply)
BertI live in australia.
I doubt you'll come this far just to give me a bit of cock.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)
Cheers LabAs I'm not a hippie who likes all this green nonsense, I think I'll have to agree.
Our mutual bum babies will have to be ground down to make the beef for Domino's pizza.
Cat, are you kiddding me? You underestimate my desire to sow my seed in your arid loins.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:32, Reply)
Eight years?Fucking hell!
*changes subject*
So... If you could clone any b3tan, who would it be, and why?
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Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:32,
Reply)
That's OK BertI think I'll give it a miss if it's all the same to you.
EDIT Vamp, don't temp him, he would you know!
Kaol, I'd clone myself, just so I could be in many places at once.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:32, Reply)
CatNever underestimate Bert's willingness to go to any lengths to give any of his length.
Kaol, I don't actually know! Even non-b3tans, I don't know who I'd clone if I could only clone one person... *ponders*
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:35,
Reply)
BertPoppet. Lovely. Sweetie pie.
You don't have to do that.
My hand has done the job perfectly fine for the last 12 months. I'm sure it'll last a bit longer.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:37, Reply)
I'd clone mistaspakkaman a thousand timesand take them all out for a drink at once.
I'd probably get them all drunk and sleep with them
EDIT Cat, ok if you're sure. I hope you find a nice Aussie bloke soon though. If there is such a thing.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:37, Reply)
VCYou don't understand, he's not doing it for you.
Hell, half the time he won't even be doing it to you.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:38,
Reply)
Hahahaha!Burt you fucker, you get my Post Of The Day award.
Well done.
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Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:39,
Reply)
At least 1000 spaks would stay together.No cloning of Kaol, please.
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thealternativefact, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:42,
Reply)
Right.It's my dominant hand.
I'd Clone Bert.
Mainly because it'd be funny to watch him trying to sex himself and get himself drunk to be able to get into his own pants.
but also cos I *might* have a little thing for bert
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:43, Reply)
I'd clone myselfThen give in to the taboo desire, and fuck myself ragged.
Then I'd feel mortified at the great sins of the flesh I had committed, and kill my clone. Then I'd chop him up, along with anyone who stumbles upon my dirty, filthy secret.
Then I'd do it all again the next day, because I never learn.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:45,
Reply)
OooooOOOOoooohThank you Vampyrecat, you sick fuck. (for having a little thing for me, you freak)
If I did clone myself, I'd finally be able to fulfil Mrs Monkeysex's fantasy of spitroasting her.
Then again, if I clone myself twice, we wouldn't need her in the middle.
Lab, how would you know that you weren't the clone? Hmm?
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:45, Reply)
I think cloning of me would be awesome.One for each government in the world.
Then my plan to create Kaoltopia will come to fruition.
And you'll all be put to work in the mines.
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Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:45,
Reply)
OK thenI'd clone 1000 Clendrix, and set them on the 1000 Spakkas.
It'd be fun to watch.
Vamp, you may have a little thing for Bert, what is it?
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:46, Reply)
KaolWould we be mining for meat?
1000 clendrii, 1000 spakkaii? Now there's a sexy party.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:46, Reply)
BertYOu know you love the idea of it.
You also know you love the fact that I'm sick enough to think of it as well. :D
Dok : I mean a little bit of sexytiem. But only if he's lucky and nice and not mean and not a royal cuntface.
So it remains to be seen whether or not he gets it. :D
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:48, Reply)
A good point, well raised, Mr EnglebertSimply, I wouldn't know for sure, and my life would dissolve into paranoid seclusion and madness. By day I'd stalk through an abandoned factory, my clothes covered in dried blood and semen, but by night I'd be fucking and killing my own clones.
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:48,
Reply)
I certainly do, catfaceYou'd have to join us though. I'll be nice, honest. (I'll stick it right up your arse)
I'm not mining marmite for no man.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:49, Reply)
KaolA Marmite Mine!
What a fucking awesome idea.
EDIT Bert, you will get down that mine, or no sexytiem for you!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:50, Reply)
that depends Bertle beetieon whether or not we're both in the mood to let that happen.
who am I kidding. it'll be whether or not my deadbolt works ..... :P
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:52, Reply)
Oh no Bert!Watch out! There's a huge mound of marmite and beans behind you.
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wanderlust, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:53,
Reply)
Eh?Why would you set me on Spak?
He's not the b3tan I'd choose to beat up.
That'll be Wookiee.
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thealternativefact, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:54,
Reply)
CatYou'd love to spend a few hours on the hitlercock, don't deny it.
Lusty, where!?
*screams and jumps like a girl*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:54, Reply)
*notes down Bert's aversion to Marmite*Interesting... interesting...
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:54,
Reply)
Beans terrify me more LabMy main profile's post for the phobias QOTW will show you that.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:55, Reply)
AAAAGHMarmite and Beans!
Why would you ruin perfectly good beans like that.
Berty boy, Do you like other sorts of beans, like Kidney beans or Butter beans?
Also, the only reason I'm not hurt by your incessant flirting with our new antipodean hussy is that I know your not her type.
But she should be warned that nobody gone take mo' Bert from. Uh-Huh!
*waggles head and points finger*
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Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:56,
Reply)
notes to LabiaI'm thinking psycho therapy would be useful in this case....
Bert. I admit the idea does seem useful.
But it's not what I want. :(
EDIT: You guys love the fact that I'm even pretending to show an interest. Don't deny it.
I love the vagina. That doesn't mean I don't like being a cocktease :D
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)
Oh you tell that hussy who be the Queen aroun' here, Al!*stands behind Al and does wags his head from side to side*
Mmm-Hmmm!
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Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:57,
Reply)
Not her type?I'm everybody's type, especially when I've got my blackjack in my hand and plenty of Lyme in the boot.
Other beans don't scare me at all, I can eat kidney beans, but I don't particularly like them.
*cuddles vamp*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)
I didn't say beat up.But 1000 of each of you two in a room would be mighty funny to watch!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 14:58, Reply)
VampyI love the vagina too, enough to take my name from the glorious lady garden.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:00,
Reply)
Ow but DrixyYou know both of us like it when I watch!
Lab, in fat there are a huge number of men who like the vag.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:00, Reply)
and alsoLabia Minora, and the clitoris and the actual vagina...
god I'm getting all tingly just thinking about it....
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:02, Reply)
I have good tasteI taste good have.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:03,
Reply)
Oh LabI think she gone too far messin' wit' mo' man! Mmmmm-Hmmmm!
I think she think she gone get some. She ain't gettin' not'in wit' mo' man bee-atch.
*waggles finger even harder*
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:03,
Reply)
CatI've just read your profile. You're gay?
That would explain the attraction to me then.
Sorry for implying that you like cock.
Go on al, slap her.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:04, Reply)
ahah yeah as astonishing as it seemsI am actually, a 5'4, petite, very out and proud ghey.
And I love a good joke.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:06, Reply)
If I could clone a B3tanI'd clone them in the morning!
I'd clone them in the evening!
All over this land!
I'd make a clone of Ka-ol!
I'd clone althegeordie!
I'd hammer out a clone of Clenders, MM and Becky!
A-a-a-a-lll, over this site!
If I had a DNA replication suite
I'd replicate a Chickenlady!
I'd replicate a PJM!
I'd replicate a Tourette's!
I'd replicate a DG!
I'd replicate a Vipros, a Labia, and Empress and an Ezyme
A-a-a-a-lll over crackhouseceilidhband!
NB: The b3tans above are in no way shown in any order of preference and I apologise to those I have missed out!
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:07,
Reply)
AlOh dat girl be trippin' if she t'ink she g'on get away wit' playin' your bwoy like a foo'!
*shakes his head from side to side again*
Wassat? Nah, 'm not tryin' ta be like no ghetto momma! I got Parkinsons...
Edit: I now have the image of clones of Becky and MM... you may all leave me in peace now. Oh, ok, you can stay, just don't put me off my stride.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:07,
Reply)
Oh she did not just say that did she!?Bert, you get your bad self back over here now. I don't want you messin' wit' her no more.
*waggles finger even harder*
Sorry Clendrix, was it you my finger was waggling in?
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:09,
Reply)
YEAH!Order of preference, bitches!
And I was first, hahaha!
EDIT: Oh... Sometimes I just read what I want to read... *frowns*
(
Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:10,
Reply)
I haven't been called a dork since Primary schoolWait, call me a Drongo! Tell me to rack off!
Oh Isla Fisher in your Home and Away years, how could I have forgotten you!
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:10,
Reply)
Very quick pollDo I listen to foxy scandinavian birds that rock.
Or do I listen to foxy girls from Brighton that rock.
Quickly please people.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:11,
Reply)
Scandinavian GirlsWould be my choice.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:12,
Reply)
I would hopeThat nobody would clone me. Nobody would be that mental!
I have been told that I have a doppelganger though, a few of my friends say it a few years ago and talked to it, it was English!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:12, Reply)
I'm one of those peoplewho has no idea what a drongo is.
But i'll call you it anyway.
As long as you all still love me in the morning - I'll still be here. :)
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:12, Reply)
I promise I'll still love you in the morning VCAs it would be night time here, so therefore counts as a one night stand, no?
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:13,
Reply)
I've gone with Brightonsince they were already queued up.
But I will listen to scandinavians afterwards.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:15,
Reply)
no. it doesn't count*cries*
I knew none of you really loved me
*cries good and proper*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:15, Reply)
Damn, was I that transparent?Ah well.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:16,
Reply)
Doktotally in agreement - but you forgot the manditory fucking awesome aryan looks.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:16, Reply)
Here is a perfect exampleof women being far too over emotional.
Look at all that crying about the internet. Totally uncalled for.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:17,
Reply)
*hugs* VampYes Lab, we can all see right through you.
EDIT Mmmmmmmm. Blonde Hair and blue eyes.
*drifts off to happy place*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:17, Reply)
Woah eyyy woah woah woahThere'll be no Nazi-sympathising 'round here!
Unless you're worshiping Hitlercock, then that's ok.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:17,
Reply)
As I myself am Scandinavian....I vote Scandinavia! :)
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:18,
Reply)
*giggles*here is a perfect example, of miscommunication.
Al thinks i'm being serious. I just wanted to see how long it'd take before I got a hug.
I'm a hug slut. I'll take any hug from anyone. :D
Thanks Dok. Means a lot *huggles back*
*worships hitlercock for fives seconds while dreaming of ice blond hair and peircing blue eyes.....*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:19, Reply)
fixt(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:20,
Reply)
The Scandinaviansare here
Edit - the Brightonians are here
And this one is even better
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:21,
Reply)
Hmmm...Blonde hair and blue eyes?
*shakes head slowly*
Not my type at all.
(
Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:21,
Reply)
KaolOnly ever had one.
Al, I would so do all of them!
EDIT For my shame I have just defended the song Barbie Girl here in my office.
*sads*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:24, Reply)
GODDAMMIT, AL!I curse my inability to hover over links! :(
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:28,
Reply)
Sorry DiT!I didn't think anyone would click that last one.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:28,
Reply)
I opened the links in tabsAnd wondered why my darkcore was suddenly competing with the faint strains of I Love Horses...
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:30,
Reply)
I didn't click on that link!Until I was alerted to it, and then did so immediately.
(
thealternativefact, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:31,
Reply)
Back when I ran a club nightMy friend and I used to slip in the odd 10 seconds of random samples between songs if we were feeling mischievous enough.
We had approx 100 goths/cybergoths dancing to I Love Horses, before we mixed it (seamlessly) into some power noise.
*the perception of seamlessness of the mixing may be somewhat skewed by the copious amounts of G&T we used to drink while DJing
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:33,
Reply)
NopeHorses are the not the best of all the animals, I hate them, almost as much as dolphins!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:39, Reply)
DokDolphins hate you too.
It's Flipper and Ecco who keep posting you their poo.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:40, Reply)
wowthat sounds funny.
Almost as funny as the time I watched my brother throw a piece of concrete in the air then crack his skull open when gravity dictated its return to earth.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:41, Reply)
I once drank a pint of dolphin cumIt tasted salty. I'm guessing that was the salt water.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:41,
Reply)
Giraffes.These are the best of all the animals.
Followed by ring-tailed Lemurs, Orang-Utans and Chesney Hawkes.
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:42,
Reply)
Ecco's awesomeI can't believe you hate him Dok. I'd like to see you scare off sharks by screaming at them and headbutting them.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:42,
Reply)
nuh uhCats win.
Cos they are cute and fluffeh.
and they have real attitude.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:42, Reply)
"by screaming at them and headbutting them"?Also works on children and cats.
(
Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:45,
Reply)
RUBBISHEverybody knows that the best animals in the world are the ninja slugs.
Leave some cat food outside at night for ten minutes, then check the bowl. It's full of slimy, ectomplasmic ninja slugs. They come from nowhere, they live in the darkest recesses of your pyjamas.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:45, Reply)
BertI know they hate me, they want to see me dead, or insane, or both!
Giraffes have too big necks, and most cats won't come near me!
I prefer small bitey things!
EDIT Lab, yes I can, and also by punching them on the nose!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:47, Reply)
You know which animal I like the best?Humans. Yeah, y'know, people like you and me. Let's face it, deep down, we're all animals. The way we treat strangers, the way we care for friends, psch, we even do it doggy style! Amirite?
So people, just remember that we're animals too, pretty dangerous ones at that, but we can all be part of the same family, we can all love and care for and respect each other. We must cast aside our petty differences, and unite for a better, brighter future.
And gang up on geese, because they're evil cunts.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:47,
Reply)
I thought they lived in Japanwhere all the other ninja type things come from .....
But that's just my opinion. it does lend credence to the ninja thing though - if they get there so quick and unexpected like. it's 10 to 3 int he morning and i'm typing rubbishly.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:48, Reply)
DokLess exclamation mark, more sexual connotation please.
Thanks,
The Ministry of Bert.
Vampyrecat - I've gone off you now that I know there is no chance you'll ever taste my semen.
I am trying to be more fluffy, but I can't help it
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:48, Reply)
isn't itMinilove?
Doesn't sex come under love?
Bert.
I am heartbroken.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:49, Reply)
All you have to dois slip some into her beer Bert. Don't worry, she'll enjoy it.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:51,
Reply)
OK Bert.Vamp, maybe you should go to bed then. I know one that's waiting to be filled right now. I'm thinking MiniBert.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:51, Reply)
It's ok catYou'll move on. Eventually, someday you'll find a girl, and she'll be jsut like me. She'll have that cheeky, adorable rogue-ishness that I have, the bright smile, the tinkle in her eye. She'll love you and take care of you for the rest of your days.
Or at least until you catch her eating fresh sheep dags.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:53, Reply)
ahahah no!it's much more fun watching the screen go blurry and then sharply focused again!
EDIT: Dok. Didn't we agree only for a marriage of convenience?
Kaol. are you trying to protect me from weird people? if so - thank you. it's very sweet of you.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:53, Reply)
The other thing she will have Bertis a massive cock dressed as Hitler.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:54,
Reply)
CatYou'll find someone new, Bert won't, you were pretty much his last chance at happiness.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:54,
Reply)
Massive?Her cock had better not be bigger than mine.
Lab, I love my Mrs. Go back to cry-maxing over your crudely drawn comic.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:55, Reply)
KaolMe? A dirty, creepy internet weirdo?
Where did you get that impression?
Vamp, Lab's right you know, you're his only hope.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:56, Reply)
I bet it is bigger then yours bert.and I'm everyone's last chance of happiness - didn't you know that Lab? It's cos I'm so happy and cheerful almost all the time :D
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:57, Reply)
Dok,I've met you, quite a few times :p
EDIT: No, I'm not trying to protect you Vampy, I just wanted an excuse to insult him!
(
Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:58,
Reply)
yeah I knowbut that's mainly due to the fact i live in a town in east buttfuck nowhere and the ghey population is pretty much me and two guys.
so there's not a lot of choice.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 15:59, Reply)
BertI only ever cry-max. There are floods of tears every single time I orgasm.
Bizarrely, there are floods in my pants whenever a close family member dies, or I watch a sad film.
Edit: And yes, I'm single, and am not completely over my ex, thanks. *cries* *spluffs*
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:00,
Reply)
Aw, catI wasn't being mean. I'm sure that any woman would be lucky to have you.
Lab Maybe if you stopped wanking at other people's funerals, the police would let you near some women?
EDIT ah, I know that feeling. J****e A**y, you broke my heart. You cunt.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:02, Reply)
aha Bertieit's okay.
I think I'm also quite socially awkward. But here's hoping that you're right!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:04, Reply)
Who's this Jennie Arse, Bert?I'll break her cunt, the heart!
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:04,
Reply)
I only wish you could, LabUnfortunately it would probably swallow you whole and spit you out as a mormon.
I had to correct it, I'd mis-spelled her surname.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:06, Reply)
VampIt's because I am a creepy internet weirdo!
I stalk the internet looking for short women to abuse with my presence. They love it really.
Kaol's just jealous that he's not more like me.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:07, Reply)
Dok,I meant dirty-minded as opposed to generally unclean.
Er... If that helps?
(
Cawl, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:08,
Reply)
There there BertYou're better off without her.
Plenty more fish in the sea.
She wasn't worth it.
You're better than her.
Any of these cliches doing it for you? Me neither.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:08,
Reply)
Luckily I found someone who sympathised with meand she's very tolerant and patient too. And awesome in bed.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:11, Reply)
No KaolMy mind is very clean, but it is a bit single tracked.
Lab, they didn't work for me either, I ended up telling anybody who said that to fuck of and die!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:12, Reply)
Congratulations to you then!I'm staying single for a while longer, not yet ready to venture out into the dating world.
And that's not due to Her Majesty's request, or court orders, and also not due to having a face recognised by the Catholic Church as heresy due to it's contraceptive qualities.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:14,
Reply)
Is it because you're an ALYUN?I kno it is, u can't fule me.
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:16,
Reply)
I think I'm goingto bow out gracefully for tonight. I'm very tired.
Much love to all you bunch of monkey loving sex fiendish poptarts!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:17, Reply)
G'night VC!And were you accusing me of bein' alien, DiT?
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:18,
Reply)
Yoove spilt AYLEEAMwrong Bert, you div.
EDIT: A little bit, Lab, yes. HUGE ALIEN LABIA!
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:19,
Reply)
I can't be a Allen LilyBert told me they don't exist.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:20,
Reply)
They don't existbut the correct spelling is aliemn. It's in the Bible and everything.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:21, Reply)
They only existin the minds of readers of Heat magazine. Along with Amy Winehouses.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:21,
Reply)
If you *were* Lily AllenI'd do a Josef Fritzl on you.
OMFG KIDNAPPINGZ!
Yeah, Bert - but the Bible was written by JEBUS and everone knows he can't be trusted and that he has lasers where his willy should be.
Which makes him kinda cool, ashally.
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:21,
Reply)
alyou mean retards exist?
DiT either you've been drinking, or I'm getting bummed by a hippie again.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:22, Reply)
Jebus is wiv da angles nao(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:25,
Reply)
No he's notHe works in a fertility clinic in Sutton, he uses a turkey baster to put other people's spunk into the mouths of cock vampires.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:26, Reply)
I miss Jebusstill, at least hes wif Baby p in hevan and der angles now.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:29,
Reply)
You don't have the address do you?er, I mean I'm not interested, I just want to be able to avoid it.
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:29,
Reply)
He ISN'TMinge is like garlic to a cock vampire.
They put it in baguettes and eat it with bolognese.
DiT is a cock vampire! Quick, somebody show him your cross!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:30, Reply)
SuttonMy that's too damn close to me, I'll have to get myself out Cockvampire hunting!
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:30, Reply)
wrds cnnt xprss ow mch i miss uI'm off now, have a good weekend all, I hope you all get your willies wet, even if it's only in the process of showering, or if it's not attached to your body.
(
Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:30,
Reply)
I can never ger cross with DiTHe's great!
I'm going now, will see folks later.
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:36, Reply)
I'm speaking with a south africn accent and I have my penis in a bowl of gelatinous material made with milk and eggs, thickened with heat.I'm fucking disgusted (say it out loud)
It's funny bitches.
(
Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:36,
Reply)
Yew cahn't shewt meI'm en effriken deplomet!
(
Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:38,
Reply)
Thit's not a sith ifriciniccint, this is a sith ifrican iccint.
You ficking Bok
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:38, Reply)
Does the Peter Griffin'Can't touch me' dance
Ok, you can touch me.
*points at al*
(, Fri 30 Jan 2009, 16:49, Reply)
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