Tell me a story b3tans
It has to involve fire, Morgan Freeman, Bert and Al, and the muppet of your choice
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 12:43, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Orgy in the woods
Once upon a time Morgan Freeman, Bert and Al caught Miss Piggy and Kermit fucking frantically in the woods.

Bert pounced on Kermit and inserted his warty penis in Kermits green passage. Al found the whole sight extremely erotic and started to stroke his throbbing member as his eyes were filled with a lifetimes worth of sexy images. Feeling left out, Morgan slapped his wrinkly phallus across Miss Piggys pink cheeks. Beckjsbx taunted Miss Piggy as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I bet you have a beautiful cunt" she spat.

Miss Piggy look fearful as Becky threw Kermit of the porcine princess, casting him to Bert and Als mercy. Morgan meanwhile laughed and kept his rythmic slapping whilst Becky parted Piggys oily, greased lips and inserted her feminine fist into her glistening hole

They then set Kermit and Piggy on fire, ate their barbecued flesh and lived happily ever after.

THE END.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 12:52, Reply)

Applauds
more of this sort of thing
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 12:53, Reply)

okay
Orgy in the woods
Once upon a time Morgan Freeman, Bert and Al caught Miss Piggy and Kermit two other muppets fucking frantically in the woods.

Bert pounced on Kermitother muppet and inserted his warty penis in Kermitother muppets green passage. Al found the whole sight extremely erotic and started to stroke his throbbing member as his eyes were filled with a lifetimes worth of sexy images. Feeling left out, Morgan slapped his wrinkly phallus across Miss Piggys other muppets pink cheeks. Beckjsbx taunted Miss Piggy other muppets as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I bet you have a beautiful cunt" she spat.

Miss Piggy other muppet look fearful as Becky threw Kermit of the porcine princess, casting him to Bert and Als mercy. Morgan meanwhile laughed and kept his rythmic slapping whilst Becky parted Piggys other muppets oily, greased lips and inserted her feminine fist into her glistening hole

They then set Kermitother muppet and Piggy other muppet on fire, ate their barbecued flesh and lived happily ever after.

THE END.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 13:09, Reply)

eugh
that's a bit gross. Loved my part though ,)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 13:11, Reply)

It's Not Easy Being Green
“Shut up,” whispered Morgan Freeman, his wizened cheeks glistening with tears. Yet still they beat the drums. Yet still they whooped and hollered and gambolled as the still twitching corpse hung from the rafters of the old bakery.

“Shut UP!” cried Morgan Freeman, his beard now matted by a mixture of snot and despair, his face now awash with the salty residue of his tearful lament. And yet still they washed themselves in the blood of the fallen. Yet still they fell in to each other’s arms, chanting that same, haunting melody that they had throughout the warm day and the cold, dark night.

“It’s not easy being green!” They sang, their voices riding high and sharp in to the eaves of the bakery. “It’s! Not! Easy! Being! Green!”

“SHUT UP!” screamed Morgan Freeman. And finally, accompanied by a dreadful silence broken only by the dull creak of a taught rope supporting a lifeless body, silence reigned in the bakery. “What’s wrong, Freeman?” sneered the smaller, hairier of the two men now stood in front of Freeman, his voice low and menacing. “Yeah, Freeman! Yeah Freeman! Wrong, Freeman! Freeman!” giggled his compatriot, a taller, thicker-set man with an accent that did not match his claimed parentage. He wrapped his arms around the waist of the smaller, hairier body.

Morgan Freeman looked up – and for the first time witnessed the horror of AlBert. When he and Kermit had come to the abandoned bakery for a quiet game of cards where he would attempt to win back the ownership of Miss Piggy, he hadn’t expected to be accosted by the land’s two most perverted criminals. Only last week, they had lain waste to a goat farm, scrawling a giant phallus across the area of an acre, entirely in ejaculate and blood. They were deviants of the highest order, and now...

Now they had mistakenly thought Kermit to be a puppet – curse you, Henson, for making them believe! – and had repeatedly puppeteered him until he died, screaming and twisted.

He felt four cold and sticky hands around his throat. As Al and Bert squeezed the last drops of life from Morgan Freeman, he found himself channelling his character Azeem from Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Using this energy, he sent out a call for help. Seconds later, Kevin Costner crashed through a window, roaring:

“Who the ruddy hell is fucking with the Freeman?”

Al and Bert sprung back – Al drawing a sword from his trousers and Bert pulling a pistol from a holster on his thigh. Al swung for Costner, who channelled his blow, running the outside of his arm along his chest and stepping lightly sideways. Clasping Al’s wrist, Costner twisted it sideways, forcing him to release the grip on the sword, sending it clattering in to a solid, American grip. Another twist of the arm and Al hit the floor, face pressed under a rubber soled boot.

Costner turned just as Bert raised the pistol, but neither attacked. “Seems to me we have a kind of Mexican Stand-off, boys!” Cried Costner, as Freeman untied the limp body of Kermit the Frog. Bert breathed heavily, while Al struggled to get free.

“I don’t know about anyone else...” said Bert “But I’m dead horny right now.”

“Yeah! Horny! Dead! Yeah!” Gibbered Al.

Weapons were lowered, and a truce was called. Solemnly, they buried Kermit underneath the brown bread machine, and went and found a hotel. Soon afterwards, the hotel was forced to close, and Al, Bert, Costner and Freeman were never heard of again.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 13:13, Reply)

I LOVE this

(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 13:18, Reply)

Thought you might
Here's my story.

One day al and bert were busy working out in a clearing in a forest.

"Give me five more!" screamed Bert as al sweated and grunted with the strain. "That's it, push through the pain!"

Al finished his set and handed the massive Morgan Freeman shaped dildo to Bert. "Your turn now Bitch" He said, slapping Bert firmly round the face.

Then they got all naked and fucked and a muppet turned up and stuff and then they had a bonfire and ran round naked a bit and then did it again and they both came and stuff.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 13:15, Reply)

Hmmm
Al grunted as Bert, still covered in blood, firmly gripped his sweaty shaft and heavily tugged the remnants of the burnt goat vagina free. It'd been a weird night. They'd been out to the pub for a few drinks, then had their usual hour long diversion to the local goat farm for a bit of light sado-masochistic goat bondage. Al had never suspected that Bert could go so far but, fighting to keep the bile down as he surveyed the carnage of limbs and muppet parts, he had to admit it had been an interesting evening.

They'd left the pub in Berts 1930 Bentley touring estate car. Bert had put on his goggles and cap, twiddled with the waxed ends of his moustache, whilst Al languidly reclined in the seat next to him, huffing paint stripper and giggling at the flashing lights that appeared before him. Bert had manfully opened the trottle and powered his throbbing beast to their usual hunting ground - Freeman's Goat Farm.

Al had watched with great excitement as Bert bent over to break open the lock on the gate... the way his leather trousers were taut across his iron buttocks. A few deft strokes with his tool, and Bert had the lock off. They were in.

The farm was dark, no sign whatsoever of Farmer Freeman, or his vicious pack of guard muppets. Al found himself sweating lightly in anticipation as they moved closer to the goatcoop. Bert lithely sprang through the window and opened the door from the inside.

The stench of fresh goat was overpowering... a miasma of goatsmell assailed Al's nostrils, he could barely contain himself and helped Bert to line the goats up into what they called their "Goat Harmonica". Bert started to strip out of his leather trousers, and Al was starting to grope the udders of a particularly fine goat when there was the ominous sound of a muppet outside.

Quick as a flash Al brought out his hunting knife and hid behind the door. Bert, more advanced in depravity, was already playing the Harmonica, and Al knew that from his expression he wasn't to be disturbed. The door creaked open slowly, and in came Big Bird. Al waited for Big Bird to come a few steps in, before leaping forth with a terrifying yell and burying his knife up to the hilt in Big Birds astonished face.

The giant chicked slumped, twitching. Al felt the gush of hot blood over him and felt a twinge of ecstacy. He closed the door and hauled the corpse to one side, before rejoining the grunting and sweating Bert. Al took out his pipe and filled it with heavy shag, lit it, and leaning against a post, wrapped in a heavy blue smoke, watched whilst Bert pounded away. Eventually with an animalistic yell, Bert finished and Al knew that it was his turn.

This was the part Al most enjoyed. The firm hairy haunches of the goat contrasting with the warm, forgiving inside. The way the horns provided a perfect handhold, the way the udder moved as he thrusted, hard and deep. Bert was watching, half smiling, as he cleaned himself with some straw. Al could feel that the goat was enjoying this, it pushed back against him in a most invigorating way.

Then they heard it. A noise outside. Bert motioned Al to continue, and went to check. He crept outside and almost immediately was thrown back in side as Farmer Freeman appeared with a shotgun and Elmo as a back up. Al watched in horror as Bert, Elmo, and Freeman descended into a brawling mass on the ground. He could only continue what he was doing as he saw Bert trampled and bitten. Somehow, Bert tore himself free and managed to knock Freeman out. Elmo was still up and fighting though, and now he produced a wicked switchblade from his pocket and circled Bert with it. Al was transfixed, he couldn't move for fear of what would happen.

Bert and Elmo circled each other for what seemed an age... Elmo moving the blade so that the light shone off it in the most lurid way... Bert inching his way around the goatcoop, his hand groping for something. Elmo was now right in front of Al and his goat when Bert acted...

Al gasped as Bert threw his paint thinner over Elmo and almost immediately threw a lighted match at him. The muppet writhed in agony as he danced about in flames.

It was only then that Al noticed that his goat was on fired too...
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 15:42, Reply)

Jesus....
I'm so impressed by this thread that I'm actually speechless.

If I've got time I'll post my own story.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 15:53, Reply)