So
Since al's perfectly valid question below has singularly failed to garner one sensible reply...

Can anyone help al in his quest for whatever the hell it is he's asking about? He's a lovely chap, a mate, and I hate to see him go home for the weekend un-enlightened.

There's a good fisting in it for anyone who can help.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:15, 61 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

It's one of them silly
computer-game deeleys.

It's no wonder his fianceé's leaving him.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:16, Reply)

No
He's a cunt and he knows it.

Save your fisting for another day. You won't get any reasonable answers today DG
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:25, Reply)

I've never encountered this amount of hostility before
This must be how it feels to be The Stig.

Wow.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:28, Reply)

To be honest
I wasn't advocating doing the fisting myself...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:29, Reply)

The Stig?
What happened with The Stig?

I'm not being hostile, I'm just telling you what I heard on the dogging circuit.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Poor al
I still love you.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:30, Reply)

I think he's changed his username
his, er, username. As in I suspect his, ahem, username may now be something else.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:30, Reply)

Awwww thanks DG
How's the lovely mrs DG, she's not been on for ages?
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:31, Reply)

She's very well, mrthegeordie
But not really been posting on b3ta much of late, unfortunately. Wedding and work stress, partly to blame.

*EDIT* you're clearly hinting at something there, al. Have you rumbled the secret of username1 then?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:35, Reply)

The internet says yes/meh...
www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/pc/empiretotalwar

Now where's my fisting?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:42, Reply)

I'm not sure what you're talking about with Stig
I barely knew of him.

I'm not even sure I care.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:43, Reply)

Bend over No3L
Jeremy Clarkson says he'll be with you in a minute...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:43, Reply)

Bert
Stig and al had a bit of a spat, I think. Or at least that's how Stig interpreted it anyway.

On line.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:44, Reply)

OooooOOOOooooh
Where? When?

Who started it? Why doesn't that al just leave everybody alone? He can be so nasty sometimes. Stop it al, you're not impressing your buddies from /talk, you know.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:47, Reply)

The Stig says I hate him
He also doesn't like Rakky and enjoyed shouting anti-semetic abuse into Clendrixs face.

He tried to make friends with me by sending me a gaz telling me he would try not to be so much of a cunt.

I didn't bother replying and he got upset. On the internet.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:47, Reply)

I love you really Al
and want to make deformed donut babies with you :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:48, Reply)

The Stig says I hate him
He also doesn't like Rakky and enjoyed shouting anti-semetic abuse into Clendrixs face.

He tried to make friends with me by sending me a gaz telling me he would try not to be so much of a cunt.

I didn't bother replying and he got upset. On the internet. He touches kids.

Rakky's nice, is clendrix Jewish? She's not one of my favourite people because she's one of Kaol's gang, but it's only the internet.

I say we all give him another chance, if you can't be a cunt on B3ta, where can you be a cunt?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:50, Reply)

This one passed me by...
...and to be honest I'm not going to lose sleep.

But Rakky? Can't think of any reason why anyone would take offence to her at all.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:52, Reply)

REAL REPLY
There's also talk of the thing causing desktop crashes (as with previous releases) so it may be worth waiting for the first patch release.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Kaol has a gang?
All these things I miss 'cos I have to go and do work.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:53, Reply)

I haven't lost any sleep either
and i'm apparently involved.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:53, Reply)

I can't see why anyone would hate Rakky
She's fab.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:54, Reply)

'if you can't be a cunt on B3ta, where can you be a cunt?'
^this
( girlinthehole, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:55, Reply)

@DG
Agreed. Not that antisemitism is in any way excusable either for that matter...

How is Rakky these days?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Of course PJM
clendrix is sweet. Only met her once, but a lovely person. I did hear about the incident from someone who was there though. Not nice.

Not 'seen' much of Rakky lately.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Meh.
I posted a real answer for Al in his post.... I'd rather skip on the fisting and take the final question for a chance to win a washing machine though!
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 14:59, Reply)

This is all I can offer:
According to metacritic the game is incredible.

Reading the user reviews though there appear to be a number of technical issues (bugs, poor AI, game crashes etc) that totally(ahha) ruin the game.

Personally as my PC is a bit shit I'm going to wait until all the bugs are sorted.

On another note that space RTS Sins of a Solar Empire is supposed to be rather good...


[edit] I see someone has already mentioned metacritic....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:10, Reply)

I would just like to point out
That I am not, did not used to be and am in no way associated with the Stig.

I've not met him but he is a fucking cock, I've heard plenty of the stories from people whose judgement I trust, and he's always come across as a prick on here even to me.

Hope that clears that up for you all.
(username1, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:25, Reply)

Never met Rakky
But she's a girl on the internet, therefore I'm going to masturbate over her profile.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Glad we got that cleared up, un1
:D
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:31, Reply)

Ah well
I'm totally out of ideas as to who username1 could be really then.

That said unless they admit we can't possibly know.

If we guessed correctly would you admit it username1?
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:33, Reply)

Well
I've twice hinted that I think he might be Axai, and it's the only guess that I've seen that he hasn't refuted...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Nobody's guessed right yet
I'm not sure whether I'd lie or admit it if someone did guess right, but the situation hasn't arisen yet!

I'm not Axai btw.
(username1, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:38, Reply)

username1
isn't me.

I've checked.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:39, Reply)

Are you actuall someone
we would have heard of, or do you just think you were popular?

Have you met any b3tans?
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:41, Reply)

I guessed vipros a while back but then he started posting again.
So I'm out of guesses.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:41, Reply)

*frisks PJM*
He's clean.

*frisks again to be sure*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:42, Reply)

*yelps*
You call that frisking?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:43, Reply)

Thats not a frisking

This is a frisking.

*gets out lube*

*gets out chilli flakes*

*gets out guinea pig*
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:45, Reply)

Guinea pig?
lightweight. PJM can take a whole capybara

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capybara
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:47, Reply)

I'm an OT regular
As in, I've posted in here a lot. You'd definitely know who I am.

Haven't met any OTers, but I do know a few people off /talk & /board, although I don't really post there that much.
(username1, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:47, Reply)

*squeals*
That sure was one well fed Gerbil! Look what it did to this cardboard tube.

@username1

Do you post on QOTW?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:52, Reply)

I had wondered
why The Stig had vanished- apparently he had a falling out with people? That's unfortunate, as he seemed pleasant enough to me.

And I agree- how could anyone dislike Rakky? She's one of the loveliest people I've met.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:53, Reply)

@un1 Your posts are boring
so you must be Kaol
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:53, Reply)

Yeah, QOTW and /OT PJM
Just not that much anywhere else on the site.

I've been on QOTW front page more than once in fact.

@ Loon - he's a prick, I'm sure others will fill you in. I'm about to go home.
(username1, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 15:53, Reply)

That makes me sad.
Oh well, so it goes, I guess.

Thus far there have only been two or three people on all of b3ta that I've taken an actual disliking to. Most of us are really very nice.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:04, Reply)

I'm not interesting enough to have an enigmatic second user account
I'm afraid

hadn't realised the Stig had actually had a falling out with people. I just considered him to be a low-grade annoyance, desperate to gauge his popularity by making inflammatory statements and seeing who agreed.

usually no one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:05, Reply)

I just did a really big fart.

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:08, Reply)

I farted in my car this morning
I got out to get some lunch and when I got back in I felt a bit sick.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:09, Reply)

I've got a cat who does excellent farts

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:11, Reply)

Mine sounded like a duck in an echo chamber
I'm going to name it and take it home with me.

I'll call him Percival Trump.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:12, Reply)

I would call it
Boris McFartypops.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:13, Reply)

That's a nice name
Maybe we could bottle our farts, draw little faces on them, stick pipecleaners and straws to the sides as arms and legs, and then take them everywhere with us.

Would Boris like to meet Percy?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:14, Reply)

Boris
is very antisocial. I'm scared if he met Percy he would hit him with a lego brick and possibly crack Percy's delicate glass exterior leading to Paercy literally floating away and up the nostrils of teh nearest overweight sweaty mouthbreather gasping at having to walk up two steps to get into McDonalds.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:16, Reply)

Username1
Bird or bloke (to quote Mark and Lard)?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:21, Reply)

That's ok
I'll wrap Percy up in cotton wool, and he likes it rough.

I want to take our fart jars to the park, and the indoor soft play area, and see what the other children and the mums make of them.

EDIT Blokebird!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:26, Reply)

I want to make our fart jars sit and watch
as we make sweaty man love on the living room rug.

Boris likes it when I'm naked around him. Sometimes I lie him to the kitchen table and make him watch as I wank myself off to the ten minute freeview on Channel X
( Bazongaloid, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 16:31, Reply)

username1 is piston broke

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 17:14, Reply)

You reckon becky?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 20 Mar 2009, 17:59, Reply)

Nah
Username says that they've never met any OTers.

I know for a fact that piston broke's met OTers because he's been to a London bash or 2.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 18:02, Reply)

@ Ducky
You speak the truth! And he lives in Wakefield so I've been for a jar or too a few times as well.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 18:27, Reply)