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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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No more Home Sweet Home


Let's get cranky and irascible. And discuss what we had for lunch.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 6:54, 325 replies, latest was 17 years ago)
Morning
And where is everyone else?

I'm not even working today.
I am off on holiday today. Hurrah!
(I helped save b3ta! Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 7:24, Reply)
They're all idle gits
Probably all still in bed.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 7:25, Reply)
I'm off to work early today
Plus it's half-term so I should be in absurdly early.

Which means I can leave early - unusually my preference under a flexitime system is "early in early out" rather than "late in late out" like a lot of my colleagues.

I think it stems from time working in places without enough car park spaces, where the early bird gets a spot within half-a-mile of the door.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 7:35, Reply)
you pack of cunts
RAH RAH RAH.

I had eggs on toast for lunch.
How are you all?

/hugs everyone until you're all slightly aroused.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 7:49, Reply)
Morning all
God, I'm unemployed, and *still* I wake up too early. Curses, curses, curses.

Right, I need relationship advice. But I'd rather do this not on the board.

So, if you're bored, and fancy listening to a random stranger's issues, gaz me.
(I helped save b3ta! I_Was_Mordred, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:11, Reply)
POST PUBLICLY
So that we can laugh and humiliate you, and offer constructive, helpful advice, imaginary tea and hugs.

It's the law.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:12, Reply)
shut up bert
You don't know what you're talking about. Talk to whoever you want Mordred.

Oh.
And.
/gives both of you a squeezy hug.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:17, Reply)
Moaning!
Lunch? I've not even had breakfast yet!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:22, Reply)
By the cleansing lasers of the Cyborg Christ
It's the Return of the Monkeysex! As was foretold in prophecy.

I would offer relationship advice but I'm shit at women. I assume it's a woman. I'd be even less qualified otherwise - men, goats, furniture...
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:23, Reply)
ahah It's nearly tea time here.
I'm not remotely hungry for once.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:23, Reply)
morning
how are we doing?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:24, Reply)
VC
Don't tell me to shut up! I was merely pointing out what would actually happen, I offered tea and hugs too.

I'm doing my best to be nice, here.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:24, Reply)
ahaha Bert
you know I love you. I was just assuming you were having a tease.

Have a motorboat if it makes you feel better. I'll even pretend to enjoy it for you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:26, Reply)
No thanks
I'm giving up motorboating lesbian kiwis for lent.

it's been pretty tough, but I'm hanging in there.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:28, Reply)
Bert
We know you are nice.

Vampy, I keep forgetting you're from the future.

*hugs* For everybody, including Bert.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:29, Reply)
just as well
that I'm not a Kiwi - Ain't it bert?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:30, Reply)
Cock off
fuckbiscuit. -and ram a jammie dodger up your arse too.

Good morning!

EDIT VC You're not a kiwi? Aren't you from New Zealand or summink?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:30, Reply)
Nope! Australian
born and bred.

So go on. You know you want to and that you'll feel better.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:32, Reply)
...and do you live in Aus too?
Where did I get New Zealand from? Em aye eh retarded?

*makes sure nobody's looking*

*motorboats discreetly*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:34, Reply)
ahaha
yes. Am living in Aus. Visited NZ over the summer though. Posted while over there. Maybe that's where?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:38, Reply)
Normally I would post publically
but when significant others know you use this site, and could guess your username easily, that would be a bloody stupid thing to do.

Sorry for not dropping them in public - but I think this is a fair enough reason.
(I helped save b3ta! I_Was_Mordred, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:39, Reply)
They're pretty much the same country though
New Zealand is the Canada of Australia.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:41, Reply)
TLiC
That's true, only Australia is like Essex, compared to America, which is more like the north. What with their guns and their dislike of foregners, and whippets too.

Go to America, there's bloody whippets everywhere.

VC that must be why I thought you were a Kiwi, but now I know you're not, I'll try not to respect you less.

Ah go on, Mordred. It's not going to be that big a deal if you post it.
Did she cheat on you?
Did you cheat on her?
Did she find you in bed wearing nothing but a bin bag covered in yuor own vomit, as you were being throttled by Jack Lemmon, and Felicity Kendall fisting your arse?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:44, Reply)
Chains
The Ozzies and Kiwis would disagree with you on that.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:45, Reply)
Mordred
That would be a good idea not telling folks then.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:49, Reply)
Actually
under the australian constitution - new zealand *is* a part of Australia - it's technically in our waters.

But don't ever call an aussie a Kiwi. You'll most likely get punched. Hard. Repeatedly.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:49, Reply)
Be quiet
Kiwigirl.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:54, Reply)
you shut up
you wiry, blu-tack loving, no good son of a gun whorebag.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 8:58, Reply)
Blu tack loving?
Have you ever tried chewing that stuff? It's bloody horrible. They should make a mint flavour version, and sell it in shops, it'd probably be quite good for cleaning your teeth and freshening your breath after you've eaten something garlic-y.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:00, Reply)
no but
I used to eat the peanuts from packaging when I was little. They tasted allright.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:03, Reply)
I once called
An Ozzie a Kiwi once.

The lady in question sat on me.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:13, Reply)
ahah
She must have been a nice Aussie.
I might punch you if you did that to me though.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:16, Reply)
On your face?
Or just on you in general?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:17, Reply)
I once called a kiwi an aussie
but it just flapped it's little arms and went 'sqworrk!' like that.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:19, Reply)
Kaol
I'll leave that up to your imagination.

Vampy she was a very nice Australian.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:22, Reply)
I'm gonna go with yes.
But regret imagining it.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:23, Reply)
Imagine Dok
sitting on YOUR face.

Now, there's a thought.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:24, Reply)
oh dok you tease
now I have an image in my head.
it's good though.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:25, Reply)
What
Somebody sitting on my face?

It made me smile.

*sings*
You've done it all, you've broken every code
And pulled the Rebel to the floor
You spoilt the game, no matter what you say
For only metal-what a bore!
Blue eyes, blue eyes, how come you tell so many lies?

Come up and see me, make me smile
or do what you want, runnin' wild.
/sing
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:35, Reply)
*vomits copiously*
What the fuck was that?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:36, Reply)
Bert
It's Steve Harley and the Cockney Rebel, Make me Smile!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:39, Reply)
I'm guessing Steve Harley
Should we refer to VC as a koala then if she's not a kiwi?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:40, Reply)
Nope
Koala boy is that other guy, with the picture of himself clinging to a tree in his profile.

I forget his name now though, trevor or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:45, Reply)
Chains
Sounds like an idea.

Looks cute, but has a nasty bite!

;)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:46, Reply)
Morning bitches
and Ball-less Bert. I think I shall call you Bertrude to reflect your lack of balls and replacement with a wide gaping vagina.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:46, Reply)
Oh please
You love my balls. You want to scoop them up, put them in your mouth, and hum the theme from Man About the House.

The fact that you've cupped them seriously undermines your ability to insult me. Sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:51, Reply)
Well I cupped ball like objects
You may have selotaped some walnuts down there for all I know
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:52, Reply)
Damn!
You've seen through my devious ruse!

Now I must make ready my escape. To the confliblicopter!

*rushes off*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:53, Reply)
*swishes cape*

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:53, Reply)
Fuck you lot
I Am not a Koala. Koala's have Chlamydia. I don't have that!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:54, Reply)
*jumps into confliblicopter*
Bwhahaha!
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:54, Reply)
Bing a ling
Morning Class.

*Goooooooddd Moooooooorrning Mister Ethel*


How are we all?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:54, Reply)
*flies off into the distance laughing maniacally*
Hahahahahahahahaha...
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:54, Reply)
*enjoys Bert going mad*
Alright Ethel looking forward to edinbash?

I'm opening a book on how long till V flashes everyone
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:56, Reply)
V's gonna flash me
In the car on Wednesday night.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:57, Reply)

V's gonna flash get raped by me in the car on Wednesday night.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:59, Reply)
*swoops by one last time in the confliblicopter*
bwhahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha...!
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:58, Reply)
Neeeeeooooooow!
*busts the tower*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 9:59, Reply)
*pulls out rocket launcher*
*shoots confliblicopter*

Take that you flying maniac!

Hi Badger, feeling better now?

I'll wager a pint in about five minutes after his fifth pint!

Vampy, not all of them!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:05, Reply)
not really Dok
my ribs hurt and work is boring.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:08, Reply)
Kaol...
you and V are going to behave yourselves on Wednesday night. You two are bad enough as it is.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:13, Reply)
Bahjar
Yus, I am going to teh Edinbash. I expect cuddles.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:14, Reply)
Depends how my ribs are
at the moment no one is allowed near me unless they are bringing me pain meds
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:15, Reply)
I always behave.
Fact.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:15, Reply)
Kaol has arrived
time for me to leave.

Damn you Kaol.

*shakes fist*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:16, Reply)
Kaol? Behave?
He always does. He pretends to be a bad boy, but he is more cuddly and soft than the Andrex puppy.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:17, Reply)
Red
You can have cuddles.

Hi Drixy, Kaol does always behave, it's just how he behaves.

How was you holiday by the way?

Boo Badger, I hope you feel better before the bash.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:18, Reply)
Dok
Lovely holiday, thanks, but I've been told off by some NZ b3tans for not visiting them. Oops.

Kaol does behave sometimes and is always cuddly. But I have experienced badness.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:20, Reply)
Pretty much...
I'm getting packed tonight. Look out Scotland :D
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:26, Reply)
my mind has melted
I read NZ as nazi *cries*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:27, Reply)
Pack spare knickers, Kaol.
Those pink ones - you look nice in those.

Nazi b3tans! I want to meet those ones.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:27, Reply)
A request:
Anyone with a phone that has predictive text, try and type "Nazi".
Does it have it in the dictionary?

EDIT: I couldn't get the stains out of 'em.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:28, Reply)
Kaol
It's in the dictionary in my phone, but then again it was made by apple!

Glad you had a good one Drixy, You'll have to tell me what the place is like at the weekend.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:30, Reply)
Yep
sure does in mine.
Why?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:33, Reply)
Herr
W00! Herr Hugs!


*running mans*


*Edit: Badger, I did the same!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:34, Reply)
I had to add it to mine.
Stupid phone.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:34, Reply)
Kaol...
I'm off to do some raping - lol
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:36, Reply)
Can't talk now.
Got cancer. Lol.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:39, Reply)
aww poor you
imagine! actually having to add a word!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:39, Reply)
Shut your filthy mouth.
I'm just shocked that it didn't come pre-loaded with exciting Aryan goodness.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:42, Reply)
Kaol
you love my filthy mouth. You dream wet dreams about my filthy mouth.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:43, Reply)
VC
Don't we all?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:44, Reply)
Do I?
Last night I had dreams about zombies, and about having my teeth pulled out with pliers.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:44, Reply)
Kaol
I so want to steal that as my sig
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:44, Reply)
Do it.

(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:45, Reply)
I have
thanks
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:46, Reply)
hmmm
been watching Marathon Man at all Kaol??
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:47, Reply)
Marathon Man?
Never seen it :p

I was visiting my Nazi-friend last night.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:50, Reply)
Last night
I had a dream about cannibals running the US government!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:50, Reply)
Herr
You weirdo!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:51, Reply)
He knows the truth!
*black-bags*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:52, Reply)
*grabs bodybags*
Count me in Kaol!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:53, Reply)
Sorry,
You know too much...

*cocks pistol*

*waits for cock-jokes*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:54, Reply)
Your cock is a joke

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:55, Reply)
Kaol
You know that as well, it goes all the way back to George Washington!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:55, Reply)
Yeah, I know.
*weeps*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 10:59, Reply)
hey hey Kaol
I'll cock your pistol for you if you like? Hell I'll cock EVERYONE'S pistols for them.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:01, Reply)
I don't have a pistol
But I need someone to fluff my pillows and make me some tea
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:02, Reply)
I'm in the process
Of making a pistol.
It's gonna be awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:05, Reply)
*makes tea*
Milk and sugar Badger?

Sorry I can't fluff your pillows though, I'll get a bad name!

Making a pistol Kaol, will it fire?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:07, Reply)
For legal reasons...
"No, it won't fire."

*winks*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:08, Reply)
ahah Dok
you'll fluff anyone's pillow given the chance.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:08, Reply)
tiny bit of milk
no sugar. I normally drink it black but being ill I require milky goodness

fnar fnar
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:10, Reply)
Yes Vampy
I'd even fluff your pillows.

But look at the bad name it'll get me!

That's just what I thought Kaol ;)

EDIT Thre you go then Badger, it's just got a little bit of milky goodness in it. Glad you don't take sugar in tea, that would just be wrong!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:10, Reply)
It most certainly
Will not fire shotgun shells.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:11, Reply)
KAOL!
*narrows eyes*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:13, Reply)
hahah
Kaol's in trouble
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:13, Reply)
I really shouldn't be here, you know...

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:15, Reply)
DG!
Good luck for tomorrow :D
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:16, Reply)
ahahah
TGB I thought those exact words.

Dok - go ahead. Fluff my pillows. I dare you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:16, Reply)
DG
Why aren't you out shagging and drinking on your last day of freedom?

I hope Tourette's is doing just that.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:16, Reply)
DG
good luck for tomorrow :D
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:18, Reply)
Nah
She's currently wandering around in her nightie 'thinking' about getting dressed.

And I'm off to do the dishes.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:18, Reply)
What
dirty dishes in the sink and not even dressed? You people disgust me!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:20, Reply)
*sneaks*
*fluffs pillows*

Ha, there you go Vampy.

Good luck tomorrow DG!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:22, Reply)
I'm in awe of you all
How do you do it?

How do you talk and talk and talk and talk, without telling each other to fuck off?

EDIT and good luck for tomorrow, DG, I added a special message to yuor post earlier.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:28, Reply)
FUCK OFF BERT
actually don't. I love your posts. You make me giggle.

Twit.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:29, Reply)
It would appear
That they were socialised at an early age. Sharing cuddle blankets and fluffy bunnies and such.
*Shudders*
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:30, Reply)
come now, VC
there's no need for that, I'm lavishing you with praise, and enquiring as to how you're all capable of this never-ending banter?

Never-ending in a good way, that is.

@porky Ew. That would explain it.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:30, Reply)
Seriously fuck off Bert
if you're just here to bitch, you have your own thread for that
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:31, Reply)
It's easy Bert
Do you tell everybody that you talk to to fuck off?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:31, Reply)
I'm not bitching!
I'm asking!

I do, Dok. Perhaps it has become a problem. I have upset Becky, and I'm trying to mend my ways.
fuck off
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:31, Reply)
Porky
Not I, I had my own imaginary American friends!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:32, Reply)
Bert - it was quite clearly a joke
cos quite clearly - I talk rubbish on a daily basis.

So do you. Everyone here talks about everything means we never tell everyone to fuck off.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:32, Reply)
Bert
We just chat like people do when they are sitting in a pub, think of it that way if it helps.

fuck you
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:33, Reply)
I want to be a norm
like all of you. I'm going to take off my sexmonkey hat, and be a good boy for a change.

I like imaginary americans, they're better than the real ones.

Dok, on the rare occasion that I got o the pub, I get drunk, I get far more hostile than I am on here, and I get away with it. It's not right.
twat
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:34, Reply)
Well they
did bring me to the attention of the child welfare people and get me into a nursery when I was 3.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:36, Reply)
It's probably because
of your boyish good looks and weedy physique
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:36, Reply)
Was the child welfare people hot?

TGB ? Boyish good looks? Eh? Are you mental?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:36, Reply)
Don't know
I was three!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:37, Reply)
I was socialised from an early age too
however it didn't really seem to start showing until I popped up here.

Sucks for you guys to have a fluffeh me all the time.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:38, Reply)
@bert er... yes?
totally, you've met me did you not notice?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:38, Reply)
Vampy
Did you like your fluffed pillows?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:39, Reply)
you seemed fairly normal
apart from the groin groping, the motorboating and the big soppy grin on your face.

But still, me, boyish good looks? Blech.

VC I came from a big family, my older brother and my sister were pure evil, and excellent manipulators, maybe this is why I crave attention now.

Or maybe I'm just a cock.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:39, Reply)
very muchly so
thanks dok!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:40, Reply)
well
I was very very drunk so maybe you were so hideous my brain morphed you into something slightly more palateable
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:41, Reply)
She may
Have just got you mixed up with me Bert!

You're most welcome Vampy.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:43, Reply)
Bert
So do I - I have five siblings - and 8 nephews and nieces all up.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:44, Reply)
Sounds like a logical explanation
Either that, or you were gagging for me, because I'm the hottest B3tan in the land.

VC Yeah, but you were probably one of the ones your parents loved. *sniff*
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:44, Reply)
Probably true bert
I'm the youngest girl of four and the second youngest all up.

But you don't see me being all bitchy unless it's a joke
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:53, Reply)
Bert
I've a brother and a sister, both of which are much older than I am, so they had nothing at all to do with me.

I had no friends my own age up until I was three.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:54, Reply)
Me too
I have nothing against anyone on this site, I love you all, I just like to stir things up and crave your attention.

Except for that Kaol, he's rubbish
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:55, Reply)
I think Bert's problem
is attentionitis twatofilia which is when people think that being a twat will at least give them atention and thus lead to kudos within the community.

On a side note google maps is now working on my phone woo!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:55, Reply)
Only another 86 to go!
Remember to check your post number.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:55, Reply)
*shakes fist at TGB*
I love you, can we make babies now?

EDIT I'm trying to post on /talk, but nothing's happening, am I banned from there?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:56, Reply)
Porky
have been checking all night long darl.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:57, Reply)
I can't sorry
washing my hair
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 11:58, Reply)
Yeah
It's getting close!

Badger, I've had maps on my phone from the start, and I now have all the Edinbash venues bookmarked.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:01, Reply)
That's ok
I was only hoping for a meaningful, long-lasting relationship, involving hugging, playing with your hair, softly caressing your cheek, calling you beautiful every day, and occasionally buying you flowers for no particular reason, but it's alright if you're washing your hair.

I'm off to lunch.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:02, Reply)
I don't think I could
put up with you for a long period of time Bert ;)
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:05, Reply)
wow.
Bert. Did you really say something that romantic and fluffy?
/faints in shock
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:06, Reply)
Bert
Bring me a 12" subway when you get back please.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:07, Reply)
I'm
Not sure I could put up with many people on here for that long.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:09, Reply)
I probably could actually
It'd be more whether or not they could put up with me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:11, Reply)
I wish to join in
but have very little to say.

Edit: You and your footlong obsession Herr.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:11, Reply)
Dok your idea
of putting edinbash loactions on google maps was pretty good so I have set mine up too. We are about a 20 min walk from the pubs which is nice :)
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:14, Reply)
I wish I
was going on the edinbash.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:18, Reply)
Yeah Badger
And it's a fairly nice walk along Princes street.

Yes red I love a good footlong!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:18, Reply)
by the way Ethel
I'm fairly sure I could fit your wanted criteria.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:19, Reply)
We're going to go visit
the castle as well at some point and be all touristy :D
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:21, Reply)
VC
Maybe so, apply within...
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:22, Reply)
apply within ey
do I need a physical demonstration? or just a qualification? I have a clever tongue either way.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:23, Reply)
Well,
A practical demonstration would be preferred, but turning up may well get you the job!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:25, Reply)
Vampy
You're being all teasy again!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:27, Reply)
well hold a position for me for next november
and you'll have your woman. I mean specialist.

And dok - you fucking love it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:28, Reply)
That's because
she's really a 33 year old cop trying to bust you all for being perverts
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:28, Reply)
I just got through
A meeting with a marketing twat.
Who looked like John Nettles.
And I didn't stab him.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:29, Reply)
It's True Badger
But we're not trying, it's all her doing!

EDIT Kaol, you know you love marketing people!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:30, Reply)
ahaha
I'll behave.

/dons long sleeved wooly jumper and baggy pants.

there - not much to see now!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:32, Reply)
Marketing people
Are a curse and an affliction on society.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:35, Reply)
ah Kaol
you and my dad would get along like a house on fire sharing that opinion.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:37, Reply)
Kaol
Hang on a minute I was one of those people for a while!

Vampy we're just yanking your chain. :)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:37, Reply)
I know
I love it when you all yank my chain. Yank a little harder folks please....
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:38, Reply)
Vampy
Just what is that chain attached to?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:41, Reply)
Mmmm.
Woolly jumper and baggy pants. Almost as sexy as a hijab. Imagination ftw. Keep on covering.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:42, Reply)
ahaha how are they sexy?
I'm covering up so you don't feel uncomfortable.

And dok - it's just my watch chain.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:44, Reply)
John Nettles used to live up the road from me.
I apologise for not getting rid of him while I had the chance.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:46, Reply)
But
What does it watch Vampy?

I once knew a couple who had matching chains. Nipple to nipple, to genitals.

They used to yank each others chains as well.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:46, Reply)
You should have ended him!
John Nettles is a marketing cunt-bag.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:49, Reply)
EYE NO!
The guilt keeps me awake at night.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:53, Reply)
@VC
It's the imagination. Perving on what MIGHT be underneath. Takes a great deal of dedication and sustained concentration I can tell you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:51, Reply)
Porky
How true that is.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:52, Reply)
if you say so!
EDIT: FUCK! 400001
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:52, Reply)
Ah
Worth it though but. Except when the clothes come off. *Shudder* Never quite matches up to the fantasy.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:53, Reply)
Try
It sometime Vampy.

I can be a lot of fun, me I just don't care.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:53, Reply)
wow porky
that makes me feel so great about myself!
thanks! /end sarcasm.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 12:58, Reply)
Anarchy!
We were meant to set off an hour ago. Tourette's has just gone up the street to pick the flowers and buttonholes up.

We're such a pair of non-conformist anarchist types. And to cap it all I'm sat here with my stomach rumbling but am too fucking lazy to go and make some lunch, so I'll probably pass out or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:03, Reply)
Porky
I must have low estimates of people, because I always think they look better without clothes.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:04, Reply)
Aw, don't feel bad.
You wouldn't want to match up to my fantasies. I make Bert seem normal. The personal history on my Firefox makes for very disturbing reading. It could even give kaol sleepless nights. Well, maybe not.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:05, Reply)
Hahaha!
Well there's only one way to find out...
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:07, Reply)
They didn't have any 12" subs, Dok
so I got you a plastic submarine bath toy and a partially defrosted Potato Waffle.

I hope that's ok?

Also, VC, the things I said in my post earlier are things I do for my (imaginary) Mrs all the time.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:07, Reply)
Bert
I think I love you a little bit. That's very sweet.

Porky - I want to read your browse list! And I still feel bad. Think I'll go find halfy and grab a hug from him. :(
Dok - I think the same way sometimes.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:12, Reply)
Or better still,
a screen shot of the new tab result for most visited websites. Hairy mature women FTW.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:12, Reply)
VC
You love me more than just a little bit, you wish that I was the proud owner of Hitlerfanny, and that I lived on your street.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:14, Reply)
true
but no one needs to know that!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:15, Reply)
DG
You should get the vicar to include in his speech how Tourettes dog brought you together, how you both love petting and playing with it.

Also tell him the dog's name is Growler.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:16, Reply)
If I ever meet you, VC
I'm going to cut off my cock, and give you an enormous snog.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:17, Reply)
This
www.b3ta.com/talk/6061981 just made me chuckle.

See, not all of /talk is shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:19, Reply)
Bert
Is the submarine yellow?

I bloody love waffles!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:28, Reply)
Bert
you might not need to cut off your cock. Halfy is doing a fine job of trying to convert me (somewhat successfully I may add).
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:30, Reply)
The submarine is grey
and the waffle isn't cooked.

VC you shouldn't worry so much about being one way or the other, love all sexes equally, regardless of cock, minge, bum or tits, just go for it, enjoy youself while you're young, and don't come to me if it ends in tears.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:31, Reply)
He He
I've just remembered one of the first movies I took my now ex-wife to see on a date.

It was The Fly, the one by David Cronenberg.

Bert, that's good because I wouldn't want a crappy yellow submarine. Too many singing beatles inside them!

EDIT 200 Woohoo!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:33, Reply)
bertie dear
frankly it was a joke...I wouldn't come to you if I was in tears. I'd probably hole myself up in a bar and drink myself unconscious. Or visit Dok. Or your mum.

I love people. Isn't that enough?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:34, Reply)
Yes that's fine
but now I don't know whether to ignore what you just said and continue being nice, or fight back.

Dok, a few of them are dead, it'd be like a fluorescent Kursk.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:39, Reply)
Yeah Bert
But two singing beatles are two too many!

I think I've just been complimented by Vampy.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:41, Reply)
*prepares shoulder for VC's cries*
Ahem.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:42, Reply)
bertle
be nice. one day I might put a strap on for you. :)

EDIT: thanks ethel - I'll keep you in mind. and yes you were dok. Inadvertently. next time I'll spell check so you don't get a swollen head.

haha. swollen head.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:43, Reply)
A strap on to bugger me with...?
Seriously? If you do that I'll be your most bestestest friend forever. I've ALWAYS wanted that.

Dok, it would be quite nice to watch Sir McCartney and the other one slowly go mad at the bottom of the sea, eventually being forced to eat the rancid remains of the former housemates, and eventually running out of air.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:44, Reply)
Vampy
I didn't get a swollen head. I just thought that it was a lovely comment from you and most unexpected.

Yes it would be Bert, can we put Ringo in there as well please, but we have to feed them air so that they last long enough to have to resort to eating the remains and each other!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:50, Reply)
bert
yeah sure. why the fuck not ey?
I'll use no lube though - you have to bleed like an alter boy *grins wickedly*

EDIT: Dok - I know you didn't.
But I hardly think I'll need a shoulder. It's working out marvellously.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:50, Reply)
Ugh
I just hicuped a little bit of sick up and I come here and feel like hurling the rest of my guts up.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:52, Reply)
We'll attach a little pump
and give them air when they're good, but suck it out if they try to sing.

Is HSH My Fault?

A few threads down, Beckyletters suggested that HSH be removed because posts had dropped to around a hundred, and I agreed with her, but today, and I don't know if it has anything to do with my presence/antagonising other members/constant posting, but it's already above 200.

Do you all post here to spite me?

EDIT cheers, VC. Please bugger me HARD, I really want to feel the pain.

BTGB I hate it when that happens, what have you been eating?

EDITED sorry, TGB
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:53, Reply)
I'm TGB not BGB :(

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:55, Reply)
Well folks
It's that time... we'e about to head of into the sunset (oh, alright, rainclouds, fucking bastard weather) for a lifetime of bliss and happiness.

See some of you at the weekend. Woo!
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:56, Reply)
bert
of course we do. It's like - the quest of a lifetime to spite you.

for example - now I know you want to feel pain i'm going to use so much lube the yanks will want to try to dig for oil so you barely feel a thing.
But I'll still bugger you.

EDIT: Have a ball DG!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:57, Reply)
Woo have fun DG
see you and the wife Friday!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:57, Reply)
Good luck DG and T
And congratulations.

How is everyone else? Anything exciting been happening today?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:58, Reply)
Hope everything goes well DG
See you Friday, and Saturday!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 13:59, Reply)
Bert
That's a fantastic idea.

Vampy, well I'm glad it's all working out for you and him.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:01, Reply)
Podders!
/huggles
how are you mate?

You haven't missed much - just me promising to bugger bert up the wrong'un one day. oh and DG and T leaving to get married.

EDIT: Thanks Dok - me too. I get that mushy feeling every single day....
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:01, Reply)
him??
are we talking someone over twice your age and thousands of miles away?

That man needs a slap
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:04, Reply)
Hi PoD
Badger, age means nothing when you are in love, or lust for that matter.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:05, Reply)
Thats why Herr and I
are called Age and Beauty ;)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:06, Reply)
people who say age means nothing
are either golddiggers, cradle snatchers or pervs.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:08, Reply)
wait up TGB
that's not fair. If anything I started talking to him. He's not over twice my age- it's nearly exactly. And you know even though he *is* twice my age it doesn't stop us from talking about anything and everything and enjoying each others company. And it also has nothing to do with you.
Why does it matter? Am I not allowed to find things out for myself?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:09, Reply)
Or in love :)
*shoots self in head*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:10, Reply)
No
You're not.

You awful person Kaol. Go hang your head in shame for that.

*old not that old and cynical*
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:10, Reply)
So I must be a gold digger
despite the fact I am working my ARSE off to save enough money to go visit? That I'm earning every cent and refusing to let him help? and he MUST be a perve because he likes talking to me?

Also - do you give this lecture to Madam Malboro and her considerably older boyfriend? I highly doubt it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:11, Reply)
Of course I know that,
Hah!

Er... So...
*sings song about Mexican food*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:12, Reply)
No you're not VC
everyone has to do what I say. It's the Badger Law 2008.

Basically what I say fucking goes and the rest of you are wrong. Except Kaol. He's always right
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:13, Reply)
About fajitas, perchance?
I hope it's about fajitas. And that you will pay me royalties for it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:14, Reply)
Kaol said In Love.
So I'll pick that option over yours thanks TGB.
/huffs.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:15, Reply)
wow love?
with a man? WORST LESBIAN EVEEEERRRRRRR!!!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:16, Reply)
Wooo! Girl fight!
*grabs paddling pool and a metric fuckton of mud!*


Kaol, get the bikinis. And no, not one for you.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:16, Reply)
Maybe I am the worst lesbian ever.
but at least I don't appear to make judgements over the internet about someone else's relationship.

EDIT: I'm going to end this now. I don't have to explain it to you. And I'm not going to. lets just agree to disagree and move on.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:17, Reply)
Pfft!
I'm gonna pay you no royalties, seeing as you recorded a cover of my Retard Song :p
I refuse to fund your filthy crack habit.

And I'm right, 'cos it's the Law.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:17, Reply)
making judgements about other
peoples relationships is what the internet is for. dur
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:19, Reply)
Hmm
A fair point you have, dear Kaol. A fair point indeed. I would try and put Run up on iTunes or somesuch, but I would probably get copyright-raped, which I'm not too keen in trying.

So, it appears Badger-law rules the land. I'm unhappy with the Kaol-clause that it includes. Could get stabby dangerous.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:20, Reply)
VC,TGB...?
This isn't serious is it?

If so, my money's on TGB. VC may be a dyke, but the Badger looks like she can handle herself.

Calm down girls, talk about shoes or something.
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:20, Reply)
Ladies
Stop it now, please.

So Kaol, got any burritos?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:21, Reply)
erm
I think I'm more of a dyke than VC, I have several witnesses to my snogging of the lovely lusty.

God I miss lusty :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:22, Reply)
Hang on a minute Red
Who's Old and who's Beauty?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:23, Reply)
perfectly serious at my end.
but I've stopped.
Sorry TGB. I'm a little defensive sometimes.

Anyone got any pot chocolate to help spread the love and calm?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:24, Reply)
Snogging a girl doesn't count
to be a real lesbian you've got to have lady-fwapped over vintage copies of Bunty magazine.

I've got chocolate bisquits!
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:25, Reply)
No Chocolate
But who wants a piece of this lovely Carrot cake?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:26, Reply)
I have lady fwapped over playboy
and I'm a little ashamed to admit that. But god they had some nice girls in there.

Edit: carrot cake, chocolate biccies, it's all good!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:26, Reply)
Hmm not old copies
of Bunty. But I have fwapped over your chocolate biscuits
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:26, Reply)
Herr
Took you long enough to notice!

On that note, you must be the old one ;)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:27, Reply)
Aww, the chick fighting stopped
It was making for some amusing reading.

I have no chocolate, and have drank far too much Irn-bru, so I feel I should leave this coffee shop for the sake of both my wallet and my insides.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:28, Reply)
what actually is
Irn-Bru? Alcohol?
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:30, Reply)
^ google is your friend
*office chant* Fooking google it you caaaaaant
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:31, Reply)
Red
I'm old and beautiful though, just ak any of the B3taladies!

EDIT Can't wait to get some real Irn-Bru inside me, this Southern stuff just doesn't taste the same.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:31, Reply)
Irn Bru
is a 'fruit' flavoured soft drink, it's bright orange and tastes of nothing but fizzy sugar.

It's the Scottish Ambrosia.

TGB, stop being mean! This isn't the time or the place for unfriendliness!
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:31, Reply)
Vampy
Goes very well with Vodka!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:33, Reply)
thanks Bert
sounds like the drink version of Jolly Ranchers...nothing but sugar.

EDIT: Dok - will have to try that! thanks.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:34, Reply)
I'm not being mean
I say fooking google it you caaaaaaaant to my boss and everyone else in the office just as they say it to me.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:34, Reply)
Mix it with
Cheap whiskey, however, and it's horrible.
More horrible than just the cheap gut-rot on it's own.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:35, Reply)
Thus Spake the Voice of Wisdom
So true Kaol.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:38, Reply)
good quality whisky is
nice. We have Laphroig (sp?) at work...it burns all the way down.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:39, Reply)
VC
This is my new toy.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:40, Reply)
ahah thanks porky
I'll keep that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:41, Reply)
You're welcome.
It's a much more effective way of saying Google it. And it makes the recipient smile.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:49, Reply)
I use that all the time porky
As I appear to be everybody's first port of call with any problem no matter how trivial.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:50, Reply)
sure did
:)
wow 261 replies. haven't seen that in a while.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:51, Reply)
Mr. Chains,
I don't know what the dress-code for Saturday is.
Should I go Black Tie, and risk being over-dressed, of just go for a lounge suit, and risk looking like a ruffian?
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:53, Reply)
Bert deserves a medal
For getting this one going.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:53, Reply)
Kaol
I'm just going smart casual.

I may even wear a tie, but somehow I doubt it.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:57, Reply)
Kaol
Over-dressed? Black tie is always appropriate.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 14:59, Reply)
he also deserves a spanking
just cos he does.

boys - go smart casual. nothing wrong with that.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:00, Reply)
I told lab
to wear a dress but he didn't seem keen :(
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:00, Reply)
I don't think
that Lab would look good in a dress.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:01, Reply)
I think
he'd look stunning :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:03, Reply)
He may do
But I would have to see him in one to be convinced.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:03, Reply)
Hi Miss crenne
I'm not wearing a kilt. :(

Only because I can't justify spending the money on one at the moment.

How're you?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:08, Reply)
Ancrennnnnnnnneeeeee!
*hugs* Lab is actually wearing a kilt and I think V is buying a tartan mini skirt....
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:11, Reply)
WooHoo
I can just feel that it's going to be great, and that you'll all have a great time. Especially DG & Tourette's.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:11, Reply)
Hey ancrenne
All my friends seem to have bought kilts recently. It's a bit strange.

I like to think they've thought I looked so awesome in one that they wanted to make it a trend, but I'm pretty sure that's not why.


When do you start travelling ancrenne?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:12, Reply)
I'm not wearing a kilt.
As I don't own one.
Also, I don't really want to.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:13, Reply)
I bet
if you did own one Kaol you'd wear it every day in your room and sing how you were the prettiest in all the land
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:15, Reply)
Or maybe
A favourite song from West Side Story?

Who's the pretty Kaol in the mirror there?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:27, Reply)
I'm with Kaol
I won't be attending in a kilt either.

Ancrenne:

Bill and I are expected in the vicinity of the hotel around early evening, 7ish.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:17, Reply)
I'm getting
into Edinburgh at about 3pm on Thursday.

Kaol Badger's right you'd wear it when you were out with your band as well.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:18, Reply)
hmmm
think I'm going to crash to bed folks.

Night! Love you all.
TGB. Sorry about our Tiff. Love you really. But I can take care of myself. honest.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:23, Reply)
Yeah Ancrenne
I was wondering what to do that night.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:26, Reply)
I almost stayed in that travelodge
but the refurbishment thing put me off :( And it was more expensive when I booked!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:27, Reply)
Ancrenne
Its ok, I stayed there in September, its an old Travelinn or something I think.

They are just changing their corporate colours with a lick of paint and new linen.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:29, Reply)
Its about
a 5 min walk to Princes Street too, its pretty good.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:31, Reply)
I'm not actually sure where I'm staying...
*lights the Clendrix-signal*
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:31, Reply)
Is she acting as your PA Kaol?
Since you appear to be too useless to remember such things :P
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:33, Reply)
Yeah,
It's like the bat-signal, but cooler.

She's kinda my PA. But I think she's technically of a superior rank to me :\
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:34, Reply)
Yeah
It's the beginnings of a plan.

I think this Easter is going to be the best Easter ever!

Drink and partying with loads of friends.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:39, Reply)
Drinking?
My goodness, I hadn't realised that such uncouth behaviour would be occurring.
I was all geared for tea and scones.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:42, Reply)
I'm like you Ancrenne
I'll have to pace myself.

Kaol, I'll treat you to tea and scones if that is your wish.

I may have to throw them at you though!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:42, Reply)
That is usually all we have up here Kaol
But I think they are making special arrangements since you are all coming up.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:44, Reply)
I'm getting my hair cut
before the bash so everyone has to comment how awesome I look :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:47, Reply)
You look awesome
All black-and-white-and-badgery.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:48, Reply)
You can get haircuts in England too you know, TGB

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:48, Reply)
Jolly good!
I'll go for coffee instead of tea though please.

I might be persuaded to a wee dram though.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:49, Reply)
Kaol
Just a wee dram?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:49, Reply)
I am getting my hair cut in
england before I head off to the bash. SO shut your mouth
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:50, Reply)
Did I comment too early TGB?
Oops.

Hmm. Just realised I need to pack. Anyone want to do it for me? I'll not pay you well...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:52, Reply)
A little bit touchy today, TGB?
Wanna fight/talk about it?
(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:53, Reply)
Bert
Everybody knows that the Scottish make the best hairdressers in the world!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 15:57, Reply)
the illness has stripped all
my tolerance. But I think I've got my fighting out my system now :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:00, Reply)
Kaol
Are you sure you wouldn't prefer whisky to wee?
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:02, Reply)
Well Badger
I hope you get some of it back by the weekend.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:04, Reply)
Ha!
Threadkiller!
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:15, Reply)
I think instead of me getting tolerance
people should just become less annoying :p win win all round.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:16, Reply)
I think you should be
Shut in a plastic bubble.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:22, Reply)
In the plastic bubble
do I get to avoid people? :p
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:23, Reply)
Yeah.
Well, apart from the ones you have to eat.
(I helped save b3ta! Cawl, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:25, Reply)
Well
You could either avoid them or run them over while rolling around...
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:25, Reply)
I'm not against eating people
and running them over would be awesome!
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:26, Reply)
your plan to
kill the thread?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 16:42, Reply)
*licks*

(I helped save b3ta! Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 17:05, Reply)
*frotts*
*spluffs*
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 7 Apr 2009, 17:19, Reply)

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