I've built a time machine
Whoever has the most exciting place they want to go to and is offering me the best incentive for letting them use it wins
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:47, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The night of your conception
I'll convince your Daddy to take the back entrance instead.

Bwhahahaha!
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Back to my childhood
To find out what was so fucking awful that I can't remember much of it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:53, Reply)

The Big Bang
Just so I can prove the theory.

I offer you these magic spoons in return for letting me use it.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:54, Reply)

Strangle Alan Carr at birth
Both a just cause and a fulfilling reward.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:57, Reply)

The early Victorian times.
So I can be a gentleman-scientist.
And invent radio, and call it "The Magic Wang-O-Tron" instead.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:57, Reply)

ooooh spoons
Hairpot is winning so far!

I'd go back to Berts childhood and beat him with my spoons
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Although
I do like the idea of tuning my magic wang-o-tron
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Go back to the Primordial soup
And wank into it
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:00, Reply)

I like that!
Go back in time and rename "Desert Orchid" to "My Knob".

Would be interesting just to hear Claire Balding say "My Knob" thereby confirming what we all suspect.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Ok I'll rename all the horses
so I can hear her saying My Knob is coming up behind Sue Barker
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:03, Reply)

Does it do forwards too???
I'd go forwards in time to find out if I did really end up having the great life I'd dreamed of, or if (as I suspect) I was one of those wax-jacket-and-welly-wearing old ladies that has about 5 old labradors.

Then I'd go and tell my very sad and sorry teenage self that, either, i was all going to be ok in the end, OR to spend every last penny I had on extreme high risk activities, because it wasn't worth trying to hld out for anything.

Can I offer chocolate, cake and tea in return??

I also make very good sushi. I can offer that, too.



Oh, and I'd go back to the garden of eden and crush the first mosquito.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:03, Reply)

.
I hate mosquitoes.

I feel I may lose out to "My Knob". Tis a bit genius.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:04, Reply)

To go forward...
I would go forward and photocopy the patent for the time machine, go back in time to register it in MY name and steal all your future money and kudos.

EDIT: But I wouldn't tell you this was the real reason obviously.

Bwahahahahaha for evil plans.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:24, Reply)

I can't believe you stole my time machine
after I was nice enough to share it!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:34, Reply)

I'd go back in time everywhere from 2000 BC to the 1980's
And leave a whole trail of hidden but findable clues revolving around stuff like aliens, secret societies, weird technology, details and articles on the dangers of flouride in the water, inciminating "evidence" at the scenes of assasinations - you know, the stuff that conspiracy theorists love. Then I'd go back to present day and see what shit people come up with about it. Oh, and payment? Hmmm. I've got a cup of tea here that's still warm.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:46, Reply)

This will win.
I want to go back in time and sleep with the very hot bloke who I fancied the arse off and who made a pass at me when I was 18 but I never took up on because he was going to join the army and I was a bit of a hippy and thought that joining the army was bad.

The end.
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:47, Reply)

I would
Go forward 1 year and get all of the winning lottery numbers, horsraces, football results, etc. Come back and bet on them all.

I would split the money 50/50 with you so we'd never have to work again, also we'd have enough money to buy and create B3taland, and a hollowed out volcano lair for myself!

And I'd make you cake and hot chocolate, even though I'd be an evil genius.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:19, Reply)

Ooh Dok that sounds good
BGB you're coming a close second ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:06, Reply)

I'll let you sit on my face.
Then we can forget all this silly time machine business.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Sold!
To the man with the beard
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:38, Reply)

;)

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Pah
With all that money you could get all the cunnilingus you wanted!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:15, Reply)

But I'm free!
*camps*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:17, Reply)

Well then No3l
She could have all the money, and a camp you!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:40, Reply)