DEAR INTERNET USERS
Are you having internet-legal-problems?
Are you struggling to understand interlegalese?
Have you been the victim of terrible online bullying, or internetlibel?
Has your Honda Accord been involved in an accident that wasn't your fault?

INTERNETLAWYERMAN can help.

JUST REMEMBER INTERNET USERS - JUSTICE IS ONLY A GAZ AWAY!
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:30, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm impressed
with your shiny profile. Less impressed you wrote layerman.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:32, Reply)

We don't need you.
When Rswipe isn't traipsing around the Caribbean, we use her fantastic lawyer skillz.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:35, Reply)

INTERNETLAWYERMAN
provides services that are cheap, affordable and inexpensive
NO WIN NO FEE
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:36, Reply)

but she's an intergirl
you cannot compete.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:38, Reply)

INTERNETLAWYERMAN
will go to internet court to fight for JUSTICE

read some of INTERNETLAWYERMAN's feedback

Dear Mr I Lawyerman QC,

I write to thank you for the assistance you provided in acting as Counsel in my recent claim for DAMAGES for INTERNET LIBEL AND SLANDERINGS ONLINE.
The money you got from Mr J M Geordie has come in really handy in these troubling times

yours,

Mr B Monkey*

*Dramatisation
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:43, Reply)

I pictured a Honda Accord estate
for some reason. Just seems more like the appropriate tool of righteous retribution to me I guess.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:41, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
Please find attached a photograph of the car I drive to work in.
I bought this car with money I made PROSECUTING wrongdoers online.

(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:45, Reply)

I call slander
Internetlawyerman cannot drive
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:41, Reply)

If I get you to represent me
And I'm unsatisfied with your internet lawyer skills, can I sue you? And if I choose to sue you, can I get you to represent me in that case?
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:42, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
It goes without saying that as a fully qualified INTERNET LAWYER OF JUSTICE bringing action against me would be as foolish as it would expensive
VERY
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:46, Reply)

This is a new and troubling development...
Who internet lawyer of justices the internet lawyers of justice?
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:51, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
Action against me is not impossible.
Please contact another INTERNET LAW PRACTITIONER
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:53, Reply)

Could you reccomend one?
I'm feeling rather agitated, and I might have to sue you if it gets much worse
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:55, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Sir
Did you know that by posting this you're committing an offence of false representation under s2 of the Fraud Act 2006?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:52, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
You are incorrect.
I refer to section 2

2 Fraud by false representation

(1) A person is in breach of this section if he—

(a) dishonestly makes a false representation, and

(b) intends, by making the representation—

(i) to make a gain for himself or another, or

(ii) to cause loss to another or to expose another to a risk of loss.

(2) A representation is false if—

(a) it is untrue or misleading, and

(b) the person making it knows that it is, or might be, untrue or misleading.

(3) “Representation” means any representation as to fact or INTERNETlaw, including a representation as to the state of mind of—

(a) the person making the representation, or

(b) JMG.

(4) A representation may be express or implied.

(5) For the purposes of this section a representation may be regarded as made if it (or anything implying it) is submitted in any form to any system or device designed to receive, convey or respond to communications (with or without human intervention).
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:54, Reply)

In the words of Bender
"You're boned!"
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 27 May 2009, 12:02, Reply)

Dear Wormu....INTERNET LAWYERMAN !
There was once this girl, right, who I quite liked, but she didn't like me back, and my feelings were bullied from this.

I know cases of guys against girls never turn out well for guys, in the internet courtroom, but do you think I've got a chance to sue her until she fancies me?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:48, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
This kind of case is very common.
Is the girl in question also on the internet? My JURISDICTION is limited to INTERNET CRIMES AND CIVIL-INTERNET-WRONGS
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:50, Reply)

Is this some sort of test?
Of course she's on the internet, how would I have meet her otherwise?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:52, Reply)

DEAR INTERNET USER
Please contact me WITHOUT PREJUDICE by GAZ
I would be delighted to take on your case.
(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:55, Reply)

You fucking cum-swapping mong-nobber.
There. Activate the Prosecutotron!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:55, Reply)

CEASE AND DESIST

ONLINE LIBEL

(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:56, Reply)

What if I don't? Cock.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 May 2009, 11:58, Reply)

FAILURE TO COMPLY MAY RESULT IN PROSECUTION

(INTERNETLAWYERMAN QC: Ace Attorney, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:00, Reply)

Oh, ok.
I best stop then.

I'll be sure to call next time some prick turns up here with a superiority complex.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:08, Reply)

What's a clent?
Just asking, like.

Oh noes, is pedantry an offense under the LAWS OF THE INTERNET?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:03, Reply)

Baldmonkey
You really need to get out more.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 27 May 2009, 11:56, Reply)

That crazy baldmonkey
When will he learn?
( WormuIus, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:16, Reply)

WTf
is all this about?! I don't need no lawyer, I take the law into my own hands via the Honda Accord of revenge.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:07, Reply)

RIS?, RIS?,
a thousand times RIS?.
( Maladicta, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:27, Reply)

Hello Internetlawyerman...
I have a claim...

I recieved an email a few months ago detailing that a long lost relative has recently passed and has left me the princely sum of $20,000,000.00 in a Singapore bank account.

I duely gave said person my bank details so as the funds could be transferred but I have recieved nothing in return? Infact I seem to be losing money rather rapidly...

Can you help me internetlawyerman?
(Is this a good idea? ... Yes this is definitely a good idea, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Internetlawyerman sah
I asked a gentleman for his opinion on something last night and I am as yet awaiting a reply.

Should I bill him for my time spent perusing his words and photographic etchings online. On the internet. Or should I chalk him up as a lost cause and a worthless cad?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 May 2009, 12:48, Reply)