I was just
searching for a car insurance quote on t'interwebnet when I saw a large spider in the middle of the living-room floor, bold as brass. So I pursued it out of the room with a pencil. But by then, the website had timed out and I had to do the tedious data entry all over again.

What time consuming financial services applications have you had interrupted by cheeky arachnids which were dealt with using stationery? Perhaps you were applying for a credit card when you had to shoo a scorpion with a protractor.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:52, 64 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm not sure I have an answer for such a niche question
But "shoo a scorpion with a protractor" did make me giggle for its sheer ridiculosity. Thank you.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:56, Reply)

back in the day
when I used to kill spiders (I now just leave them in peace, or point them out to the cat) I had a spider on my (very high) ceiling. I felt I had no other solution than to blast it with a very hot hairdryer, as I simply could not reach it, and didn't want it dropping, Mission Impossible-style, onto my face in my sleep. Anyway, it shrivelled up and died, and remained all shrivelled and stuck to the ceiling.
THREE DAYS LATER it was resurrected and started crawling about. I have never been able to make sense of this incident.
There is a whirlwind of feelings attached to this story.
I think I'm going insane.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:56, Reply)

It didn't die.
It moulted.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:58, Reply)

It whatted?
Like a dog or a cat?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:58, Reply)

It shed its exoskeleton
*shudders*
/arachnophobe
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:59, Reply)

Yep!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecdysis
( Cawl, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:02, Reply)

Ecdysis!
That is such a cool word.

I may have to look for opportunities to use it in conversation.

Could be tricky.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Thank you
at least the mystery is solved. I was attaching fat too much significance to the incident.
I feel sick now. I'm going for some tea toast to make me feel better.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:05, Reply)

It's an awesome word!
Just talk about spiders a lot.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:06, Reply)

But spiders give me *teh fears*
And I can't impress breast-bearing lady-types with my wide vocabulary if I'm making myself look like a complete ravelling nancy at the same time...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Talk about striptease instead
A fancy name for a stripper is an ecdysiast.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:26, Reply)

You think
I should tell them I'm a stripper?

Or ask them to strip for me?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:37, Reply)

You should
Confine this line of chat to strippers.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:42, Reply)

Women love it
when men are scared of crawlies.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:27, Reply)

Really...?
Back in a minute...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:38, Reply)

yes. Well not all
But lots. I saw a man run like the wind, actually believing a spider was chasing him (maybe it was) and suddenly he was endeared. And it isn't just me. I'm not weird*
*I am, but that's not important.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:40, Reply)

In which case
It was not advisable to run, screaming, past the door of the office full of women down the corridor, with a reasonably lifelike (not at all lifelike) rubber tarantula attached to me at a distance by a fine thread...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:52, Reply)

it was advisable
they'll either think you're funny, a bit mentally vulnerable, or merely scared of spiders. Either way you're bound to be in there with at least three of them.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Awesome
Though I have just realised that only one of them has made it in today.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:02, Reply)

if you're lucky
she might like the funny, the mentally vulnerable, AND the arachnophobic
(that needed the Oxford comma, I feel.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:04, Reply)

Yeah,
I think I'm just disappointed after your statistical analysis got me geared up for the idea of a foursome...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:07, Reply)

be careful what you wish for
a foursome, with three of your female co-workers. Your life would be hell either very quickly after it began or immediately after it finished, or maybe somewhere during.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:11, Reply)

True
Especially if the prof next door were to hear the noise. She doesn't like to be disturbed. (Though they did recently install extra soundproofing between those two offices)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:14, Reply)

Oh the text
it's all running down the wall. I don't like it. It's making my right side heavy.
How can we make it normal??
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:16, Reply)

I'll start a new one
at the very bottom of this thread
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:21, Reply)

I love that you
pointed them out to the cat. 'There look... killll him'.

I used to try this with my dog, he would usually get all excited and bite the end of my finger. :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:59, Reply)

I once tried this with the neighbours' cat
The silly bugger pawed the thing a bit and then picked it up in his mouth. Was he going to eat it, as I hoped?

No, the daft feline started to bring the thing over to me, perhaps to offer as some sort of present. Being the poofcowardly arachnophobe that I am I went and hid.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:01, Reply)

Hehehe
Thats brilliant!!

I used to have to stop my dog from eating wasps, he was playing a very dangerous game there! Thing is I have a terrible fear of wasps so cue me in the garden with a broom shooing wasps from a safe distance with my dog trying to eat the broom. Fun.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:05, Reply)

Hehehe!
That's even brillianter!

Dogs can be tremendously funny at the most inappropriate times.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:11, Reply)

Exactly.
I do love dogs, they're all different kinds of mental. Cats scare me a little bit, I feel like they would eat me if only they were a bit bigger, whereas dogs, well, they're just a bit daft, no ulterior motive other than ‘If I let her pet me, she might give me biscuits’.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:23, Reply)

I'm more scared of dogs than cats
and this is irrational, becuase my cat has inflicted far more terrible injuries upon me than any dog ever has.
I mean, I have scars.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:25, Reply)

As ever, more evidence for my theory
Dogs = loveable.

Cats = less so.
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:30, Reply)

ah yes, but
you're so much more grateful for the small scraps of affection carefully administered by a cat
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:31, Reply)

This is the thing.
I do understand that dogs are little buggers too but I have a fear of cats because of the scratchy madness, they scratch you when they love you, they scratch you when they don't, I never know where I stand. I suppose you learn to understand there many moods, I just feel like things are more straightforward with dogs.

I have scars too, my old german shepherd nearly blinded me by landing on me in the garden and sticking his paw on my face. I have a scar about a cm away from my eye. Gar.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:32, Reply)

ouch
My legs look like a game of OXO
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Eeep!
Mines all good, its hidden by my eyebrow! Hazah!

Hmmm... I don't suppose you can really hide yours if they're on your legs... well, other than by wearing trousers! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:39, Reply)

footless tights
might be a bit chavvy but they've changed my life.
Now I don't look like I play Leg Self-Harm
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:41, Reply)

Ah
Genius! Not chavvy at all! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:45, Reply)

I believe
that Jack Dee did a sketch where he was talking about dogs and cats reactions to DIY (specifically, erecting a shelf)

Dog: "I love you. I don't know what you're doing, but I love you."

Cat: ", I'm not putting my books up there."
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:57, Reply)

spot on

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:58, Reply)

I've tried doing this with my cat as well
and he ignores them. Loves chasing and chewing the wings off moths though
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:01, Reply)

UGH!!
But where did the exo-thingy go? Did it fall all crusty on to my duvet and did I inadvertently touch it?

AND YES! The cat does sometimes bite my finger instead, but mostly he does my bidding. And when he eats spiders and flies, he looks like he's grinning.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:02, Reply)

Into you mouth,
I reckon.
It fell in the night, then you chewed it.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:14, Reply)

Don't you dare!
That's very bad
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:24, Reply)

Don't you take that tone with me,
Spider-Lips.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:26, Reply)

AAGHH!!
It was 10 years ago, yet i still just brushed my lips to make sure there were no exo-thingies on them
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:29, Reply)

HAHAHAHA!
I'm still not gonna kiss you, EVER.
Just in case there are eggs.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:31, Reply)

stop it!
My lips don't have spiders or exo-things or eggs or cobwebs on them.
The only time there's anything other than lippy on them is when I'm drunk and it's dark and the music is loud. They're clean!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:33, Reply)

I guess the eggs could've hatched and
Burrowing might have taken place.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:35, Reply)

I can say twat on this board can't I?
I mean it won't get all asterisked?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:36, Reply)

You can say whatever you want.
I've run out of spider-stuff now though.
( Cawl, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:39, Reply)

*victory dance*
IR Baboon
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:42, Reply)

This thread making me laugh.
Cos I'm a spiderwimp too.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:55, Reply)

I'm not as bad nowadays
i just don't like them on me
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:58, Reply)

I'm sad to report
That my spiders don't do THAT moulty thing....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:08, Reply)

What happened to the spider?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 10:58, Reply)

It appeared
on the wall above the window
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 0:01, Reply)

My ex-wife kept pet snakes in the bedroom...
...one escaped in the middle of the night and made for the nearest warm object in the room. Thankfully it wrapped itself around the television and not me.

It woke me up when it knocked the tv aerial off.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:02, Reply)

One of my friends when I was younger had a snake
But it wouldn't eat the frozen mice they got from the pet shop, so his mother used to have to heat them up in microwave.

Or she did, until a frozen rat exploded in it.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:09, Reply)

Yeah, been there...
...burst mouse in the airing cupboard emits a unique smell.

*boaks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:12, Reply)

Eww
Reminds me of the Hale and Pace sketch (PJM - presumably you remember?) of not microwaving a cat and then opening the door with the Blue Peter flourish "Here's one we did earlier"
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:14, Reply)

My poor mutt
doesn't seem remotely concerned about spiders but other animals that we find when we're out for a walk are a source of something to her. The something can range from:

Fear (noisier dogs)
Play (similar sized dogs)
Confusion (birds - she chases after pigeons and when they fly away her reaction is to come up to me with a look in her eye along the lines of "OK - how the hell did they do that?!")
Invitation (cats - wanting to play, or she did until a cat took a swipe at her a couple of weeks ago)

She's almost an analogue for me in the way in which she's an idiot, I regularly and with great affection refer to her "duty brain cell".
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 11:13, Reply)

So, roota
Soundproofing.
Foursomes.
And hoping that Ms Crow never reads this thread.

If I ran past with a second spider attached, do you think I'd be able to lure in all 5 of them? (Assuming they were all in on this hypothetical day)
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:22, Reply)

oh thank god
I couldn't BREATHE up there!
I shan't be aiding you in attaining sex from the boilers from the office next door if you have a missus. I shall be clipping you round the ear and saying "get on with yer weeeerk!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Jun 2009, 12:25, Reply)