Anyone know any silly jokes?
What's green, has got 8 legs and swings from tree to tree?

Tarzan the snooker table.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 9:53, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's orange and come out of the ground at 150mph?
An E-Type carrot.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 9:55, Reply)

What's the difference between a duck?
one of its legs is both the same
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 9:55, Reply)

What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 9:55, Reply)

What's blue and white and cant climb trees?
A fridge wearing a denim jacket
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 9:58, Reply)

Two cows in a field:

Cow#1: Moooooo!
Cow#2: **** you man, i was about to say that
(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:00, Reply)

Ha
Hahahahahahaha

Hahahahahhaha

Hahahahaha

Can't believe I have never heard that before.

You've made my day.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 12:04, Reply)

What's green and smells like yellow paint
green paint
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:01, Reply)

A penguin walks into a bar.
And says to the Barman "Have you seen my brother?"
"Dunno." Says the Barman "What does he look like?"
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:02, Reply)

how do you get 500 pikachu's on a bus
poke 'em on
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:02, Reply)

Hitler, a jew, a priest, an irishman, a clown, a golf player who isn't Tigar Woods, Nick Griffin, TGB and A Gay Man all walk into a bar.
Hitler says "I know, I'll get the first round in, I'm hitler and I'm from austrian heratige, so I'll be having a Stella*"
The Jew says "Thank's mate, I'm jewish, so I'll have a small port."
The Priest then goes "Whicked bruv', innit, I'll get a vodka red bull, safe blud'"
The Irishman goes "Oi'l 'ave a whisky, or wisky, I'm not sure what one is scottish and what one is Irish, but oi'll 'ave one from Ireland."
The Clown goes "Whacka-whacka-whacka, I have survea alchole depandancys, so make mine just a coke, thanks."
The golf player who isn't Tigar Woods says "Oh man, I've been on the course all day, I'm parched, I'll have a mojito."...they don't serve that..."Ohh, ok then, make it a pint of Fruili"s
Nick Griffin goes... he just goes, he's just doesn't feel welcome, which is great, because he isn't.
TGB goes "I am a lady, who is presantly female, and as such would quite like a G&T".
The Gay Man says "Yeah', go ahead, I'll have a Kroppenboug Pear, any chance of some nuts? I didn't get the chance to eat before I left the office today."
Hitler then says "Ok, I got that, can someone give me a hand to the bar."
Everyone appart from hitler then all starts clapping.
Hitler then says "Very funny guys, c'mon Golf Player who Isn't Tigar Woods"
They then all went to the bar and had a very pleasent evening.


* I think Stella is Austrian.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:09, Reply)

Stella is Belgian
aside from that..WTF?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:15, Reply)

It's one of those 'non jokes' jokes.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:35, Reply)

funnier than piston_broke though

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:37, Reply)

Woo !
Self Esteem 1up via non-compliment.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Ohhh, ok then, there's an ovbouse one.
Guy walks into a bar, and says "I have a ticket for a complimentary drink, I'll have a kropenburg please.",
The bartender says "That'll be three pounds please"
Guy says "I thought it was supposed to be complimentary"
The bartender says "I quite like your shoes, That'll be three pounds please."
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:45, Reply)

Needs more cider.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Tis an old one but.....
Two nuns driving in a van when a vampire (Kaol) jumps out in front of them.
"Quick" says one "show him your cross"
So the other one jumps out the van and yells "Get out of the road you black hat wearing cunt"


Also

A man gets pulled over by the police. The office on inspecting the mans license says "Says here you should be wearing glasses"
"I've got contacts"
"I don't care who you know sonny you're coming with me"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:24, Reply)

How do you titillate an ocelot?
You oscillate its tit a lot.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Nicking jokes from the newsletter
That's low.
( Captain V, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:29, Reply)

That's my joke that is
I've been telling it for years. Probably me what got it in the newsletter.

EDIT: it is a bit of a coincidence though I admit.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:32, Reply)

Two young nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent
After discussing it, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked so they don't get paint in their clothes. In the middle of the painting there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice tits" says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:30, Reply)

What's E.T short for?
He's got little legs!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Mother Superior has some serious news for her nuns.
"I have to report that we have a couple of cases of chlamydia in the convent", she informs them.

"Thank fuck for that" pipes a voice from the back, "I'm really sick of Chardonnay".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 1 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)

oh well
I was not happy with my main dish at a chinese restaurant. I called over the waiter and complained "This chicken's rubbery"

"Thank you sir" replied the waiter.




/coat
/veal
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 12:58, Reply)

What do you call a man with a wooden head?
Edward.
What do you call a man with three wooden heads?
Edward Woodward.
What do you call a man with four wooden heads?
I don't know, but Edward Woodward would.




And I'm done.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 13:33, Reply)

OK then!
What do you call a man hanging on a car bumper?
Reg.
What do you call a man hanging on a car bumper if he's your brother?
R Reg.
What do you call a man hanging on a car bumper after it's hit a tree?
X Reg.
How do you question the motives of a man hanging on a car bumper?
Y Reg.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:32, Reply)