Long story is long :(
She's a total psycho I went to uni with who threatened to kill herself every time I wanted to have friends other than her... and I walked into work on my first day to find her working on the phones. We've avoided talking to one another ever since, until today. Fortunately, I was able to be a bit Computer Says No to her!

www.b3ta.com/questions/stalked/post117874/
( Maladicta, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:47, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Was it just an ordinary work-question
or is it part of her campaign to start stalking you again?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:56, Reply)

Bit of both I think; "Can I give this guy a free return for his delay even though he only bought a single?"
No you retard, you can't give him what he didn't buy! Already have a small posse* who will kill her with trouts and sticks :)

* consists of me and Pot
( Maladicta, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:58, Reply)

Does Pot work at your place
or are you building up a mob to chase off your stalkers? If so, I'll volunteer.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:08, Reply)

Sadly not; a shame since I could do with moral support at work.
We settle for emailing each other and more often than not having Pokémon battles by email, too. All when my boss isn't looking!

All additions to the stalker mob are more than welcome :) take your flaming torch and pitchfork from the pile over there.
( Maladicta, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:11, Reply)

Thanks for letting me join
and am pleased you didn't assign me to the trouts-brigade, as I don't think I'd be able to handle the smell in this weather.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:23, Reply)

The trouts are deep-frozen in this weather
for maximum damage :) however, the heat is detrimental to their effectiveness.
( Maladicta, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)

You could make them more effective
by stuffing a snooker-ball in their mouths.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:37, Reply)

The impact would also force it out
for an added cannonball effect :D
( Maladicta, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:44, Reply)

But the cannon-ball would fire paralell to the surface of impact
but it would be useful if stalker-girl had an L-shaped face - you'd be able to hit her twice.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:47, Reply)

She has a very flat, shiny face.
So almost as good.
( Maladicta, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:51, Reply)

In that case
you'd have to let the ball ricochet off a wall and hit her just when she's falling backwards from the impact. If you keep spinning with your trout, you can score a 3-combo and hit her again with the trout.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)

Hat trick!
It's super effective!
( Maladicta, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:04, Reply)

Now that would make a good idea for a computer game
A trout and snooker-ball based beat-em-up. Stalker Girl's secret weapon would be the Shiny Face of Doom.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:09, Reply)

would there be a ZX81 spectrum platform?

(smathels left-wing not feckin' chicken wing, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:39, Reply)

.
There wouldn't, but a ZX81 would be one of the things you could throw at your opponent.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:41, Reply)

kaol

( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:19, Reply)

* Meanwhile, I have to hear all the details of her fucked-up sex life (rape fantasies, anyone?) and how she is simply dying for a full bondage kit to play with. OH GOD THE IMAGES.
How is this so vastly different to the pervy shit you and another b3tan regularly spam these boards with?

Kettle calling hair pot, U iz blick
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:34, Reply)

O come on, we've all had a stalker
and wanted to be raped by them. Look at us.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:44, Reply)

Maybe so, but aren't you 17 though?
Being arse raped by a giant black dildo isn't my scene. Neither is reading about other people telling people they've never met to bend over so they can be spanked.
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:49, Reply)

But we've never met.
And I'd like to spank you with a butter covered stick of balsa wood. And then tell the internet about it. By the way, I am a sexy 17 year old with raven hair and I'm completely normal. Honest.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)

I bet your a lesbian really

(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:51, Reply)

She tried to tell me she was last night, but I'm gonna turn her
she WILL love the cock when she's 8 inches deep
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:53, Reply)

HA!
As if you have eight inches. Why, I ought to chain you up by your nipples and stretch your balls across a pool table. And then stamp on them. And then pop them up your bum.


And then tell the internet about it.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:56, Reply)

POIDH
as I most likely wont be conscious for most of it. Goddamn I'm looking forward to it though. I'll bring the Amyl nitrate and buttplugs
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)

I've got the clamps, whirligigs, farmyard beasts and the video camera.
Let's do this!
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)

BEASTS?
Christ you're advanced for one so young. Next tuesday do ya?
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:06, Reply)

No, I'm working at the restaurant.
I get off at 8 tho, shall I come and get off after?
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:10, Reply)

If you're not at Bethnal Green tube by 8.20 then forget it
I'll find another fuckpuppet
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:17, Reply)

I'm there.
The safe word is STICK IT IN ME HARDER!
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:20, Reply)

Eugh, you two are gross
You're worse than Maladicta and Hairpot when they get going.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:27, Reply)

Well, we have stopped...

(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)

Have you?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:55, Reply)

Well, I have
It annoyed you and others, so I figured it would be best to stop as much as possible. Don't particularly like winding people up. Mal's toning it down as well.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:57, Reply)

Kaol

( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:19, Reply)

I can't be.
Well, not until I get my visa anyway.
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:53, Reply)

they don't need more lesbians in this country
they only want bi-curious girls.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)

Or poor baby
still at least you'll always have your badass waitressing skills
(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)

What about a bisexual waitress with rudimentary knowledge of chemistry?
There must be a space for one of those in INGLUND!
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:59, Reply)

How Rudimentary?
I'm only happy if you've got at least 13 weeks of study behind you.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)

FUCK YOU!
I STUDIES FOR TWELVE WHOLE WEEKS AND I AM AN EXPURT!
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:01, Reply)

Your 13 weeks makes you an abject retard in my eyes
*inserts innapropriate smiley*
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:03, Reply)

I'm going to write about you on my PERSONAL BLOG.

(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:05, Reply)

Make sure you leave it in ur profile

(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:07, Reply)

If it's on teh internet
it will become true.

I will never bully anyone again in case I see their face redden.
(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:12, Reply)

And your awesome doctoring skillz

(witchfinder general finding witches called richard, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:59, Reply)

She'd make a great doctor as she knows from waitressing to write things down

(Buckminsterfuller Bring out yer meat puppets, it's time for some fun, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:07, Reply)

R U SHOOR?
SHOOR, R U?

U R SHOOR?
(MoistTickle we are legion, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:09, Reply)

falls over a dog

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:27, Reply)

kaol

( thealternativefact, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:20, Reply)