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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fucking DNS.
Explain to me how I should cunt it in the fuck, my friends.


(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:27, 218 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
What is this DNS of which you speak?
*Is thick*
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:32, Reply)
Haha
Saved me asking that:)
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, Reply)
Domain Name Server.
My router keeps giving me the Red Light of Death and disconnecting my internets :(
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, Reply)
What is this Domain Name Server of which you speak?
I'm imagining name badges with "hello, my name is **** and I am your till monkey for today in the xxxx branch of McDonalds" stamped on them.

Do I win five pounds?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:36, Reply)
No you fail
epically...

but i can tell you in a simple gaz if you wish
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:39, Reply)
's OK
I may be old, but I'm not THAT old :)
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:45, Reply)
I never said you was ol' chap
but i really couldn't tell whether you was being a berk on purpose
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:49, Reply)
:)
I just like pandering to the general (and possibly self-promoted) good natured ribbing that I'm an aging git who's completely out of touch with technology and the ways of the modern world.

It's so completely not true in reality; I has a VCR, Sony Walkman and everything!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:01, Reply)
feckin' hell you are
i'm still on betamax and 8 track players
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:05, Reply)
We don't have a telephone.
We use two old bean cans tied together with string.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:07, Reply)
kaol

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:19, Reply)
I has records
but I take a picture of them with my iPhone's digital camera and use an iPhone app to convert the spiralled soundwave into music.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:06, Reply)
Unless you can physically touch it
then you just have to sit and wait
and play with your penis
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:44, Reply)
Kaol

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:19, Reply)
evening all
its hot, and sticky and gross here today. and work was about 10 degree's hotter. :P
bleugh. i feel damp
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:33, Reply)
The temperature in my office is arctic.
Even more so today when Stalker Girl dared to venture in and, out of a whole office of people to ask, picked me. *is stabby*
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:34, Reply)
Stalker girl?
Clearly i've missed something there...
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:35, Reply)
Long story is long :(
She's a total psycho I went to uni with who threatened to kill herself every time I wanted to have friends other than her... and I walked into work on my first day to find her working on the phones. We've avoided talking to one another ever since, until today. Fortunately, I was able to be a bit Computer Says No to her!

www.b3ta.com/questions/stalked/post117874/
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:47, Reply)
Was it just an ordinary work-question
or is it part of her campaign to start stalking you again?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:56, Reply)
Bit of both I think; "Can I give this guy a free return for his delay even though he only bought a single?"
No you retard, you can't give him what he didn't buy! Already have a small posse* who will kill her with trouts and sticks :)

* consists of me and Pot
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:58, Reply)
Does Pot work at your place
or are you building up a mob to chase off your stalkers? If so, I'll volunteer.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:08, Reply)
Sadly not; a shame since I could do with moral support at work.
We settle for emailing each other and more often than not having Pokémon battles by email, too. All when my boss isn't looking!

All additions to the stalker mob are more than welcome :) take your flaming torch and pitchfork from the pile over there.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:11, Reply)
Thanks for letting me join
and am pleased you didn't assign me to the trouts-brigade, as I don't think I'd be able to handle the smell in this weather.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:23, Reply)
The trouts are deep-frozen in this weather
for maximum damage :) however, the heat is detrimental to their effectiveness.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)
You could make them more effective
by stuffing a snooker-ball in their mouths.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:37, Reply)
The impact would also force it out
for an added cannonball effect :D
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:44, Reply)
But the cannon-ball would fire paralell to the surface of impact
but it would be useful if stalker-girl had an L-shaped face - you'd be able to hit her twice.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:47, Reply)
She has a very flat, shiny face.
So almost as good.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:51, Reply)
In that case
you'd have to let the ball ricochet off a wall and hit her just when she's falling backwards from the impact. If you keep spinning with your trout, you can score a 3-combo and hit her again with the trout.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:58, Reply)
Hat trick!
It's super effective!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:04, Reply)
Now that would make a good idea for a computer game
A trout and snooker-ball based beat-em-up. Stalker Girl's secret weapon would be the Shiny Face of Doom.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:09, Reply)
would there be a ZX81 spectrum platform?

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:39, Reply)
.
There wouldn't, but a ZX81 would be one of the things you could throw at your opponent.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:41, Reply)
kaol

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:19, Reply)
* Meanwhile, I have to hear all the details of her fucked-up sex life (rape fantasies, anyone?) and how she is simply dying for a full bondage kit to play with. OH GOD THE IMAGES.
How is this so vastly different to the pervy shit you and another b3tan regularly spam these boards with?

Kettle calling hair pot, U iz blick
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:34, Reply)
O come on, we've all had a stalker
and wanted to be raped by them. Look at us.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:44, Reply)
Maybe so, but aren't you 17 though?
Being arse raped by a giant black dildo isn't my scene. Neither is reading about other people telling people they've never met to bend over so they can be spanked.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:49, Reply)
But we've never met.
And I'd like to spank you with a butter covered stick of balsa wood. And then tell the internet about it. By the way, I am a sexy 17 year old with raven hair and I'm completely normal. Honest.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)
I bet your a lesbian really

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:51, Reply)
She tried to tell me she was last night, but I'm gonna turn her
she WILL love the cock when she's 8 inches deep
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:53, Reply)
HA!
As if you have eight inches. Why, I ought to chain you up by your nipples and stretch your balls across a pool table. And then stamp on them. And then pop them up your bum.


And then tell the internet about it.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:56, Reply)
POIDH
as I most likely wont be conscious for most of it. Goddamn I'm looking forward to it though. I'll bring the Amyl nitrate and buttplugs
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)
I've got the clamps, whirligigs, farmyard beasts and the video camera.
Let's do this!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)
BEASTS?
Christ you're advanced for one so young. Next tuesday do ya?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:06, Reply)
No, I'm working at the restaurant.
I get off at 8 tho, shall I come and get off after?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:10, Reply)
If you're not at Bethnal Green tube by 8.20 then forget it
I'll find another fuckpuppet
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:17, Reply)
I'm there.
The safe word is STICK IT IN ME HARDER!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:20, Reply)
Eugh, you two are gross
You're worse than Maladicta and Hairpot when they get going.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:27, Reply)
Well, we have stopped...

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:52, Reply)
Have you?

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:55, Reply)
Well, I have
It annoyed you and others, so I figured it would be best to stop as much as possible. Don't particularly like winding people up. Mal's toning it down as well.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:57, Reply)
Kaol

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:19, Reply)
I can't be.
Well, not until I get my visa anyway.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:53, Reply)
they don't need more lesbians in this country
they only want bi-curious girls.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)
Or poor baby
still at least you'll always have your badass waitressing skills
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:57, Reply)
What about a bisexual waitress with rudimentary knowledge of chemistry?
There must be a space for one of those in INGLUND!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:59, Reply)
How Rudimentary?
I'm only happy if you've got at least 13 weeks of study behind you.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)
FUCK YOU!
I STUDIES FOR TWELVE WHOLE WEEKS AND I AM AN EXPURT!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:01, Reply)
Your 13 weeks makes you an abject retard in my eyes
*inserts innapropriate smiley*
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:03, Reply)
I'm going to write about you on my PERSONAL BLOG.

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:05, Reply)
Make sure you leave it in ur profile

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:07, Reply)
If it's on teh internet
it will become true.

I will never bully anyone again in case I see their face redden.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:12, Reply)
And your awesome doctoring skillz

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:59, Reply)
She'd make a great doctor as she knows from waitressing to write things down

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:07, Reply)
R U SHOOR?
SHOOR, R U?

U R SHOOR?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:09, Reply)
falls over a dog

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:27, Reply)
kaol

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:20, Reply)
It is cooling down quite a bit outside now

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:41, Reply)
Woo and yay!
*hates the heat*
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:47, Reply)
me too
i'd like to live somewhere nice and cold. Alaska, or norway or something!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:50, Reply)
yes this heat is filthy and disgusting
and all you find is yourself swimming in ya own sweet and stench
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:52, Reply)
Was somewhat cooler in my office today.
Either it was because there were fewer people there, or because I was sensible enough to wear shorts today. But even so, I just wish I wasn't right in the middle of the blast-furnace.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:58, Reply)
moist
our shop has two big printing presses, at several hundred degree's. I actually wore a mini skirt that barely covered my chuff and a very small t shirt, and i still sweated all day like a paedo in a barney suit!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:35, Reply)
Kaol

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:21, Reply)
hey yall

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:35, Reply)
Hey Kristine
How's you?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:37, Reply)
I've got a hangover so I'm boiling alive and feel a little like I'm dying inside.
How are you?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:44, Reply)
Just been boiling alive all day
No hangover fortunately. I'm going to save that for the weekend:)
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, Reply)
You and Me both :D
only thing is the hangover was only a minor pain that lasted till 11am
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:53, Reply)
I didn't eat before I drank last night so it hit me kinda hard
this morning I was so cold I wore a jacket, and it's in the low 30s here, now I'm burning up.
I can't wait to get home and take a shower.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:01, Reply)
i still didn't eat anything either
seriously i must have the constitution of a horse
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:10, Reply)
are you trying to tell me you're hung?

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:12, Reply)
How do you manage in that climate?
I can barely cope with a NorthWest European climate, but in my defence, I try and go everywhere I need to go by bike (unless it's a pub-night).
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:11, Reply)
I don't know, I suppose when you grow up in it you don't think about it. You just think 'wow, it's hot' then get over it.
I wouldn't be able to live in a cold climate. I hate the winters here and they're usually pretty mild.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:13, Reply)
I suppose it is
Not sure if it's genetics or upbringing, but when I was in China, I was sweating so much that my back was like a waterfall.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:25, Reply)
maybe you have more sweetglands

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:48, Reply)
I have loads of sweetglands
*sweets is RIGHT up*
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:55, Reply)
mmm, sweets...
glaaarghnds.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:59, Reply)
oh phit
my stupid spelling

heat...increasing..re..tardation *flop*
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:08, Reply)
elle oh elle

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:12, Reply)
Evenin!
Just waiting for my mate to come round. I should be putting the bins out, but I'm drinking wine and watching Gilmore Girls...
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:37, Reply)
Evening roota
If you leave the bins till late, you get to have an excuse to go out in the cool night-time air.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:04, Reply)
Even Spak
To be honest, I'm scared that if I go and take the bins out, my shoes will drag me out to the boozers...
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:09, Reply)
Perhaps you should go out barefoot.
and learn to enjoy the anticipation of a future visit to the battlecruiser.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:17, Reply)
Great minds!
I've decided to go barefoot! It's not the booze as such, I think I've socialised too much already this week, and I'm narrowing the odds of me doing something daft! Plus I've spent too much money. I must stay in.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:45, Reply)
Haven't been out drinking this week
but will make up for it tomorrow by having two nights out in one.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:10, Reply)
let's see
have you tried malicious destroying it with any logscripts'
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:38, Reply)
Hammer it in the firmware.

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:42, Reply)
Percussive maintenance!
I have threatened it with a crop and an inflatable mallet.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:48, Reply)
DNS you say
If you're lucky enough to have memorised the ip numbers of your favourite websites, you don't need no steenkin' DNS.

Evenin'
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:53, Reply)
Pot mentioned this for getting on b3ta at work.
However with my mid-year review tomorrow I don't want to piss the boss off!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 19:56, Reply)
That is indeed sensible.
Until recently, I did not have Internet on my desk. I am now one of the few people in the office who has an Internet-connected laptop on my desk. But even so, I daren't get b3ta on the office server-logs.

BTW: if you're accessing b3ta by IP, you probably still want to access it via many of the proxies.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:01, Reply)
I feel guilty enough
emailing people at work as it is without getting b3ta in the logs, and reading BBC news on my lunchbreak and just before I go home; were I to access b3ta I'd never get any work done, plus the boss' desk faces mine :(
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:04, Reply)
As well as having internet-less desks
I either used to sit next to my boss, or now, I am in the inner edge of a 'bay' of desks where anyone can easily walk up to me and take me by surprise. Though I still occasionally browse b3ta with my iPhone, I find it either cumbersome or too distracting.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:15, Reply)
I browse on my phone on my breaks.
Costs me a fortune in data charges although I have taken to saving long gazzes to my memory card to read at my leisure!

Hate where my desk is; I can be happily doing nothing and A WILD BOSS APPEARS!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:19, Reply)
Couldn't you get a flat-rate unlimited data-plan?
Have you tried taming WILD BOSS?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)
Sadly it broke free of the ball.
Am looking into a bolt-on for data charges when I'm not flat broke!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:36, Reply)
Perhaps you could see if WILD BOSS is ticklish
or show it a picture of kittens.

If WILD BOSS starts purring, just rub their belly.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:45, Reply)
Wild boss likes kittehs
that could work!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:03, Reply)
Now all you need is a remote-controlled kitten
and you can watch WILD BOSS chase it round the office all day in a Benny-Hill-esque chase-scene.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:12, Reply)

Yeah hidemyass.com not sure how reliable it is though
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:12, Reply)
Now if only there was a way to make my screen only readable by me

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:16, Reply)
The problem is
if hidemyass.com turns up in my browsing history then questions will be asked. If it were called resource-management.org then I could get away with it.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:34, Reply)
Perhaps you could say
your trousers broke and you desperately want to prevent the rest of the office from seeing your bum.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 20:35, Reply)
Is that your butt fucking paedo site then?
nice pimping
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)
Now you know where to go

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:58, Reply)
Getting stuff ready for my night of pain with MoistTickle
I'm going to ruin her
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:08, Reply)
Give her one for me

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:09, Reply)
Fuck off and wait ur turn

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:10, Reply)
I'll let you go first
I don't mind sloppy seconds
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:13, Reply)
Christ, no wonder you're a /talk reject.
I'm beginning to think you're a meat puppet though. You're VC, aren't you?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:15, Reply)

Yes of course i'm a /talk reject just 'cause
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:36, Reply)
evening you lot...
have i missed much?
what's all this talk of trout and interwebs and suchlike?
my world, today, has consisted mainly of contact-adhesive, gloss paint and flux fumes. in this heat! wow, i'm gonna have a headache later but i feel utterly euphoric just now ;-)
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:23, Reply)
Evening b69
You've missed my idea for a beat-em-up game starring Maladicta and Stalker-Girl, a trout and a snooker-ball.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:28, Reply)
yeah, read that...
reckon you could programme that?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:32, Reply)
If I could find a beat-em-up game-engine that allowed for weapons and projectyles
I wouldn't even need to program it. Just draw the meshes and do the animations and there you go.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:37, Reply)
well what you waitin' fer?
i'd buy that for a dollar!!!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:53, Reply)
oh not much b69
just some geek speak

"ROFL his got a varible named george, kek kek kek. PVP anyone?"
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:43, Reply)
.
I may be a geek myself, but that just sounds like a slow slide into insanity.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:45, Reply)
I find it very hard to believe that you're a geek
I believe that you are a Titan amongst men, a very King, a Lord amongst the plebs here.

I could go on but I suspect I'd simply embarrass you and your pre-cum.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:52, Reply)
* blushes *

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:16, Reply)
I'm not sure that was entirely complimentary
He's after you Spak. Backs against teh walls lads
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:19, Reply)
Fuck off
I saw him and his sweet cheeks first.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:22, Reply)
kaol

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 23:21, Reply)
Where are you from?
Who are you?

I like yes. When the argonauts and cheese fling in my hart I tears.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:46, Reply)
WTF do all those letters mean?
Just found out Pixies are playing in Glasgow on Oct 4th, and that my wife has decided she's not a fan...

grounds for divorce?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)
What the fuck is going on over here?

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:50, Reply)
no idea!
seriously. madness!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:51, Reply)
It's like being at a masked ball
without any trousers on.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:56, Reply)
My cock's bigger than yours

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 21:58, Reply)
I know it is
an no amount of exercises or lube will ever help my poor arse to go back the way it was before you.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:00, Reply)
You love it

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:05, Reply)
Baggy anuses? Nooooooo. They're no fun. No traction or friction

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:09, Reply)
Look if you bring the bacon
I'll bring the string and promise to cough.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:10, Reply)
Wolfbagging FTW

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:13, Reply)
So this is where all the action is?
I'm going to unlurk and add my twopenneth of madskillz
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:11, Reply)
Woohoo! Woof! Woof!
A bird!
ONLINE!

*unzips*
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:12, Reply)
Ever been tied up big boy?

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:13, Reply)
Fakkin ell a WOMAN ONLINE
Leers
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:19, Reply)
*unzips*

(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:22, Reply)
Pander to me...
...I want your validation baby!
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:26, Reply)

validation bacon
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:30, Reply)
Bacon bayonet?
Luncheon meat truncheon?
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:31, Reply)
I'm not sure I'd want it near you
I get the feeling you'd bite it off.

You scare me woman.

Even me, all 160lbs of pure muscle.

Scared by a cake guzzling bird.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:32, Reply)
Right fuckers
I've had enough of you all for tonight.

Good to see so many of you coming out to play.


Next bash we should all swap notes and find out who the fuck we all are.

I'm off for a wank.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:48, Reply)
Are there any women here by any chance?
Nooooo, nooo, noooo, noooo Nooo, nooo, nooo nooo, nooo.
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:51, Reply)
Women, on the internet!?!
GTFO
(, Thu 2 Jul 2009, 22:56, Reply)

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