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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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One of my colleagues just said (while we were talking about the Harry Potter books)
"they're so well written"

I had to pause for a moment to consider my response. I managed to calm it down to "they're easy to read" but there were any number of replies that would have worked.

I enjoyed reading the books, but well written? pffft
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:37, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
...
Same as with Dan Brown really, his stories are enjoyable, but his writing is absolutely dire!

EDIT: Although, if I pass comment on how much I enjoy reading the Harry Potter books, I get a punch off Spike. Grr.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:39, Reply)
And a virtual one off me

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:43, Reply)
You think that Dan Brown's stories are enjoyable?
Oh.
Were you dropped on your head as a child?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:47, Reply)
Think AA has a point...
...it's often too easy to confuse "easy to read" with "well written."

I'd argue Rowling's Boy-Git-Wizard comes under "easy to read," although I have to say I tried and failed to read 3 of them. (Not on account of being retarded, I hasten to add.) I tried the first two, and after being mildly amused by the first couple of chapters in which he is abused by his foster family, I just got utterly fed up with the juvenile tone. As soon as he got to Hogwart's I really couldn't be bothered with it.

At the insistence of an ardent fan, I did try to read one of the later ones, on the promise that "they get more grown-up later in the series."
Well, it was less juvenile, but that just made it all the more obvious how lousy the prose was.

"Well written" is an accolade I'd give to something like Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell, or A Canticle for Leibowitz by Walter M Miller Jr. (Many others, obviously; those are just a couple of favourites)

Although, to open another can of worms, would you consider Stephen King to be "well written?" I know he's often dismissed as "just another horror writer," but I thought some of his better stuff (e.g., It, Dolores Claiborne, Misery) was really rather well executed.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:54, Reply)
I liked the film of Misery
but I heard Hitler did too.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:56, Reply)
Stephen King
I prefer his short story stuff. I'd suggest that it is well written, but mostly when compared to the standards of other popular authors.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:57, Reply)

well written shit.

easy to read fucking awful
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:40, Reply)
Oof!
Someone is very angry!
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:41, Reply)
I just really don't like them.
And think all the hype they get is bollocks.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:47, Reply)
agreed
they are majorly over-hyped. pretty much every other book I own is better written and has a better story. There is something strangely compelling about them though. can't figure out what it is.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:48, Reply)
*licks finger*

*touches arm*

TSSSSSSSSCCCHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Stress!!!!! Stress!!!!!

*dances round*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:48, Reply)
I'm in a wonderful mood today.
But this subject always gets the same reaction.

*throws shoe*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:50, Reply)
That's what someone who was well stressed would say.

*continues to dance*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:51, Reply)
Fine!
I'm stressed because I have nothing to do, everything is going really well for me, and I'm still in my pyjamas!

*throws other shoe*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:53, Reply)
Pyjamas eh?

*engages pandertron*

Would they be red silk and very small?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:55, Reply)


(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:59, Reply)
I'm slightly sickened at myself

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:00, Reply)
You're a terrible creature.
Lucky that I, Kaol, The Guardian Of Internet Justice And Decency, was here to stop you in time.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:02, Reply)
Thank you Kaol
thank you for stopping me. My, that's a fine shirt your wearing, are you naked under those trousers?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:04, Reply)
I'm not wearing a shirt.
I'm wearing a black vest.
And a leather jacket.

Damn I'm cool.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:10, Reply)
I've got the horn so badly right now.

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:11, Reply)
Me too,
Just from thinking about myself.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:12, Reply)
Oh
I just thought about myself. And I went all floppy.

Well, floppy would imply enough length to flop. It's still pointy, but it's all wrinkly now.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:13, Reply)
I hate it when that happens.
Like the last button mushroom in the Spar.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:14, Reply)
Not at all.
*Turns off pandatron*

A pair of Homer Simpson boxers and a over-sized t-shirt that I stole off an ex.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:59, Reply)
Urgh you disgust me.
Don't you think you ought to make an effort for all the wanking virgins I just gave erections to at the thought of your PJs?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:00, Reply)
Oh, sorry.
Its really a teeny tiny red and black silk and lace nightdress with a see through boob-area.

Acceptable?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:04, Reply)
Pretty good
can you pretend to be a Lez Bean now?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:08, Reply)
Sure,
But that costs extra.
Plus, I seem to be the only female in this thread.

Edit: Oh wait, I've just spotted Psychochomp further down.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:11, Reply)
Good Call

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:12, Reply)
Hahaha!

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:12, Reply)
We should have a pillow fight.

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:14, Reply)
I'm totally touching myself right now.

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:19, Reply)
Be warned.
I sleep on a pillow of bricks.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:22, Reply)
I point you to the question I've asked below
about what you normally read.

you've got to like the subject matter really.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:46, Reply)
Fantasy.
Usually human, or magic based, such as the First Law series, Sabriel, The dark Magician series or anything by Tamora Pierce.

And horror. Lots of horror.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:49, Reply)
first law being the terry goodkind ones?
I have those. they tend to go on a bit. I love the sabriel stuff though, and when I eventually get a tattoo it's going to be a charter mark.

I'd recommend reading Robin Hobb's farseer stuff. really good.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:50, Reply)
No, the Joe Abercrombie ones.
Quest fantasy written by a guy who can't stand quest fantasy. They're amazing.

Also, the tattoo? That's a brilliant idea. *steals and adds to list of future tattoos*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:52, Reply)
sound good. I'll look them up
damn you!

my plan was that if I decided I wanted to get more tattoos then more charter marks would work quite nicely. all different sizes and types.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:58, Reply)
You'll thank me later :D
That sounds like a really good idea. Pics please if you do.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:03, Reply)
I'm having to weigh up the pros and cons
pros: I want a tattoo, and think they would look good
cons: can I be arsed with the inevitable discussion of them I have from my brother, who will also invariably tell my parents who will also want discussion.

it's not so much that I care what they think, but more that I don't want to hear them tell me.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:06, Reply)
Do you have some already?
My mum tries her hardest to forget mine. I put a picture on facebook when I got it, So most of my family knows, except for my nanna, who would probably disown me if she found out.

My 23 year old cousin went nuts, because she got a generic tramp stamp when she was 15 that she now hates.

Plus, the awesomeness of the tattoo will last far longer than the discussion.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:27, Reply)
My parents didn't say anything
on either occasion when I returned from a trip round the world with a new tattoo.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:32, Reply)
I don't have any (yet)
my skin is pristine, free of piercings and everything. there is a good tattooist just up the road from my house, so it's only a matter of time (and money). I've even made up a picture of the mark I want, so I'm ready to go...
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:33, Reply)
Oh right...
"The Charter Mark was an award demonstrating the achievement of national standard for excellence in customer service in United Kingdom public sector organisations."

Sexy.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:54, Reply)
:-P
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Kingdom_trilogy#The_Charter_and_Free_Magic
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:59, Reply)
I can't stand horror,
probably because there's so much crap horror around.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:58, Reply)
This is true.
And most of it seems to be chick fic, with a supernatural love interest thrown in.

You have to root through so much crap to find the good stuff.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:00, Reply)
I like james herbert, although I can rarely bring myself to read his stuff
I'm not a fan of things that actually make me scared or really freak me out.

his book '48 is fucking brilliant
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:02, Reply)
I am.
You should try the Secret Of Crickley Hall, absolutely chilling.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:06, Reply)
can't remember which one really freaked me out
haunted I think

*shivers*

that's why I like stephen king. it's more weird than scary, and I can deal with that quite comfortably
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:07, Reply)
James Herbert is genius!
I've read 11 of his books, all are brilliant.

When a work colleague heard that I like him, she recommended Stephen King. I've never actually read any of his books, is that a bad thing?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:15, Reply)
not reading stephen king isn't a bad thing
it's worth a try though. I'd start with Nightmares and Dreamscapes, or the Bachman Books. collections of short stories. then decide which ones you like best, and ask someone who knows which books to read based on that.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:16, Reply)
Yeah, King is rarely terrifying.
Except for Misery. I love/hate that book. Far better than the film.

Have you seen the film adaption of The Mist? Best ending of any film, ever.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:15, Reply)
I haven't seen it
and I can't remember if I've read it. I think I have, and if I have it inspired one of my weirdest ever dreams.

there was a mist around where I live, full of carnivorous monkeys and to subdue said monkeys you had to speak french to them. and for some reason there was a tree made of pork.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:17, Reply)
Hahaha
I like.

You should definitely read it, its very good. But I pissed myself laughing at the end of the film.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:20, Reply)
Oh god
How I loved the ending of that film, far better than how the book ends. Then again the film on the whole was not that good.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:19, Reply)
Oh my fucking god.
I can't believe someone else agrees!
The ending to The Mist was THE BEST FILM ENDING EVER.
The film is shit. The story is shit. The acting is shit.
But I don't think I've ever laughed anywhere near as hard as I did at the ending.
PURE. COMEDY. GENIUS.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:20, Reply)
I persuaded someone to tell me how it ends
it does sound pretty funny :-D
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:23, Reply)
It amused me for a week.
I'd just randomly start giggling at odd moments.
Shit film, perfect ending.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:28, Reply)
*thinks for a moment*
You'll do.
*engages pandatron*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:36, Reply)
I'll do what?

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:44, Reply)
Pretty much anything is what I heard.

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)
Ooooo
Oh no you didn't!
*clicks fingers*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)
Not a fan of Twilight, then?

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:03, Reply)
Ooooo
You've already seen my reaction to Harry Potter.

You don't want to get me started on Fucking Shitlight.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:05, Reply)
...
I don't like it.
For a start, because Vampires don't exist.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:16, Reply)
And if they did,
They would not fucking GLITTER.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:18, Reply)
Er, what?
I've not read the books.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:24, Reply)
Me niether,
But I have a few friends who have.
Apparently, when the 'vampires' go in the sunlight, they don't catch fire, burn or turn to dust like proper vampires. No. They just sparkle.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:30, Reply)
how queer

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:31, Reply)
Where's me washboard?

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:41, Reply)
That's so fuckin' shit.
They would burn.
Not to dust, but it'd be like a part of your soul is being burned in a frying pan with no oil.
Or so I've heard.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:32, Reply)
You can take Twilight
And burn it in the fire that should be lite with the Ann Rice books!

I like my horror to be good, and horrific.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:16, Reply)
surely no one thinks that Anne Rice is horror?
I quite enjoyed the books when first read them. not so much now. and queen of the damned was one of the worst book to film conversions ever. although there was some good music on the soundtrack.

static-x FTW!
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:21, Reply)
I love Static-X so much.
They were so good live.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:23, Reply)
would love to see them live
I need to get hold of some. not listened to any for a while.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:24, Reply)
They were awesome.
They were doing shots in the gaps between songs.
And described their music as "Evil Disco".
Best genre ever.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:29, Reply)
They were supposed to be
I didn't think so myself.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:27, Reply)
Steven Erikson's Malazan series
is fantastic. You can tell he was an archaeologist, half the cast are over 100,000 years old.

*wants to be a T'lan Imass*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:04, Reply)
I managed to get through 1 chapter before I decided that they were shit.

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:41, Reply)
what sort of stuff do you read normally though?
I tend to read mostly sci-fi and fantasy anyway, and as such found the stories at least reasonably entertaing, despite them being fully ripped-off from a number of sources.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:46, Reply)
Occasional sci fi,
historically based novels,
porn
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:54, Reply)

porn The gym equipment pages of the Argos Catalogue.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:57, Reply)
I've got to admit
I'm a fan of the books. Well written, no. Fun to read, yes.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:46, Reply)
Never bothered.
Don't believe the hype!
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:46, Reply)
That's what Hitler used to say
and look at him now.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:48, Reply)
OMG!
You mean No. 31's gonna shoot himself in the head outside a Nazi bunker?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:51, Reply)
Well, look at where the evidence is pointing., that's all I'm saying.

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:57, Reply)
I like Stewart Lee on this
From his recent comedy vehicle.

"No, I haven't read Harry Potter. But I have read the complete works of William Blake, so fuck off."
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:49, Reply)
An excellent response, I feel
(Now I need to read something of comparable literary significance to William Blake, so that I can use this myself...)

EDIT: Similarly, Jack Dee:
"...and people defend it by saying 'Oh, it's ok, 'cause it's a children's book, but grown-ups can read it as well.'
Of course they can, it's a fucking book. They only have to be able to read..."
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:00, Reply)
i read the premise
of the hairy snotter franchise and dismissed it out of hand

then became confused as to why they were so well received when in fact they are no more than an amalgam of about 6 other similar, and probably better books/films with a similar theme

plus the fact the cunt that wrote is a horrorbag of the highest order

and why adults, why the fuck do they read them? are they trying to impress someone....anyone....fucking retards

the only good thing to come out of it all is that i can use it as a handy lithmus test, in that if anyone professes and an interest in the books i can immediately put them on the growing 'list of cunts and people whose opinion i care little for'
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 10:58, Reply)
It's funny you should say that
because I use people opinions of people who read and enjoy Harry Potter as a litmus test for pretentious twats who should either think before they post, or possibly just stop being such cockends.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:03, Reply)
you're such a potter fan boy.

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:07, Reply)
You're a potter fan girl

(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:08, Reply)
why shouldn't adults read it?
I can still read plenty of books from my childhood and enjoy them, so why not those?

fair enough if people don't like them, but I don't see any reason why there is a problem with adults reading them
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:04, Reply)
ok, more clarity is needed for the savage b3tans
It wasn't so much that adults shouldn't read them..it was more the slavering, over the top enthusiasm that these cunts had for what is essentially a very middle of the road wholesale, rip off, of a franchise.


and as you say vipros, you may have read books 'in your childhood' that you still enjoy, that is completely understandable...but you were a child when you read them and they now reside in a special place that you can take comfort in revisiting. you didn't jump on some fucking bandwagon in your mid thirties and get caught up in a whole shitstorm of hype and mass hypnosis whereby regular member of the public where convinced into believeing that this franchise was in fact the greatest story EVER told.

and i stand by my comments, if you want to read them, fine. if you harp on about them being 'totally amazing', which they are not, then you go on the list, no exceptions
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:13, Reply)
ok
with that clarification I can totally see your point (might want to pull those trousers up *snigger*)

they are far from the best books ever, and far from original. there is no need for a media frenzy about any book frankly.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:14, Reply)
I'm going to keep going on this
because your original post was so shit it needs pulling apart.

"if anyone professes and an interest in the books" is what you wrote, now, grammatical errors aside, that displays a ridiculous knee jerk reaction to what is a popular franchise of easy to read books with a long running plot line.

I was interested to see how it ended and as it happens I was disappointed. But I was still interested and I think the films have got progressively better as the franchise has gone on, which is a good thing.

There was a huge amount of hype about the books, but that was mainly driven by the media who had clearly been bum sexed by the advertisers.

I would stand by my comment that, if someone were to dismiss my opinions just because I liked reading something, that makes you the twat, and not me.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:18, Reply)
fair enough
my grammatical errors, which i apologise for are mainly due to the fact that i operate a 'stealth mode' whilst posting here. being at work means it is necessary, therefore i have no time to check my posts fully. and for that i am truly sorry

however, my lithmus test regarding these shitty books has never, not once, let me down. most of the twats i have no choice but to communicate with, read them and LOVED them.

folk i previously did not know, who read them and LOVED them turned out to be glorious twats.

every
single
time

so, let's both stand beside our comments, for they help define us
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:35, Reply)
I refuse to compromise on the internet
I won't be happy until you admit that you are a cunt. And are wrong. And are worse that Hitler.

Go on, admit it. ADMIT IT!
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:40, Reply)
come on
backing down on the internet is easier than you think

give it a try, you might like it!

and yes, i am a cunt, to that i will freely admit...i would hazard a guess that 99.99% of b3tans are cunts, and very comfortable with it too!
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:46, Reply)
AHAHAHAHAHAH
YOUR WRONG

I'M RIGHT!!!!!
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:47, Reply)
hey
let's both be right

we can sit down together and you can read me your favourite bits from the hairy snotter books and i promise not too stab you in the throat




*crosses fingers behind back*
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:00, Reply)
i read stephenie meyer and like it.
THERE. IVE SAID IT.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:08, Reply)
I've read most of Jilly Coopers books
I've also read pretty much everything by Marion Keyes, and a lot of stuff by Fiona Walker.

What's worse is that I actively disliked a lot of the Fiona Walker and Marion Keyes books, but I couldn't stop reading them.

Jilly Cooper though, she's fucking brilliant.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:10, Reply)
I think it was jilly cooper who had the best simile ever
"he entered her like an otter diving into a stream"
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:13, Reply)
Do you get fined at the library
When you take them back because the pages are all crusty?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:13, Reply)
They were my sisters.
She never said anything.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:18, Reply)
Used to that sort of thing,
Is she?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:31, Reply)
Still...
There never has been, and never will be another writer as great as...

Roald Fucking Dahl

The man is a God!
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:19, Reply)
Scariest writer I've ever read.
End of.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:21, Reply)
I used to live a couple of miles from him
I imagine beckyletters did too as it was near high wycombe, although he may have been dead by then
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:22, Reply)
.
I know that he lived in Great Missenden, were you near there?
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:45, Reply)
yeah
I used to live in Hughenden Valley
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:49, Reply)
Sweet!
My Dad grew up in Great Missenden, met the guy loads of times.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 11:55, Reply)
he was always happy to wave and chat and such like
thoroughly great bloke. one of the best really.
(, Wed 8 Jul 2009, 12:01, Reply)

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