FAO: Captain V
I came across this, and really feel that it might be helpful to you.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/8243763.stm

Alternatively, any other suggestions you people have for him would be greatly appreciated.
( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:53, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

But Captain V embraces his short stature.
He's a pocket rocket.
( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 14:58, Reply)

*shrugs*
I'm providing a valuable service.
( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:00, Reply)

I will not hear a word said against this small creature!
He slept on a chair beside my hospital bed all night long. He held my hand and made me orange barley water and helped carry me to the bathroom when I couldn't walk. The nurses told me I have a lovely husband and he didn't run away when I told him what they said. I'm on the sofa now nomming painkillers and he's making me lunch. He may look like a gnome but he's all man, is Catface. And he's my man.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:01, Reply)

*wants a catface of her own*

( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:02, Reply)

That's possibly the nicest thing I've ever heard
On b3ta. Ever.
I have no witty come-back, just... "Awwwh!"
( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

when the codeine wears off I'll probably delete it

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

*screenshots*

( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:04, Reply)

I was about to say the same thing
that is actually quite touching

and not in the usual b3ta touching way
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

Good touch,
Not Bad Touch?
( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:04, Reply)

And that just reminded me,
I need to text him back.
( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:03, Reply)

That is lovely
I am happy for you.
And a bit jealous.
Hope you're ok.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:05, Reply)

Ta,
I'm home and comfortable-ish now thanks.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Are you allowed booze?
A spoonful of booze helps the medicine go down. And makes it work better.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:09, Reply)

don't think I'm allowed booze with these painkillers
but I have a bottle of pinot noir on standby.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:11, Reply)

As soon as you get the green light, get a glass down your Gregory Peck
I like all the wines called pinot. Mr Grigio being my favourite.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:14, Reply)

Not with codine,
well it says "avoid alcohol" so interpret that how you'd like.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:15, Reply)

That said,
I've met him and he's a cunt.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:07, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:08, Reply)

You weren't as much of a cunt as I expected.

( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:11, Reply)

I'll take that as a compliment.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:12, Reply)

You can take it any way
You want, sweet-cheeks.
( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:14, Reply)

See,
Creepy, isn't it?
Not so much fun when the boot's on the other foot...
( Cawl, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:20, Reply)

Or the hand is on the other buttock

(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:30, Reply)

I've recently started wearing flat shoes
I don't necessarily wear heels all the time, more things with big thick soles. I wan't trying to kid everybody, I just found life easier with a couple of extra inches.
When I started wearing flats, people I've known for years were genuinely freaked out. Turns out they actually thought I was taller than I am. The change in stature was a bigger deal than I'd thought.
I'm quite enjoying it though. It's liberating. And easier to walk.
I've also started wearing higher heels when I get dressed up fancy, so I've become a little'un of extremes.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:04, Reply)

"I just found life easier with a couple of extra inches"
That sounds like the tagline from an infomercial for penis enlargement.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:16, Reply)

which is precisely why I was in hospital!

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:19, Reply)

What?
Having your penis enlarged? :-)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:20, Reply)

aye,
you can't be too rich, too thin, or have too big a cock.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:21, Reply)

or captain V injured her with his penis
..?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Having too big a cock
would be slightly perturbing for kilt-wearers though, if it dangled below the hem.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:23, Reply)

I tie mine round my waist a couple of times

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:25, Reply)

I'm actually Pele.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 15:22, Reply)