Anyone else currently smell of dog vomit and death?
Just me then! God I bet commuters love me :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 21:33, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was in my hoodie this morning when a granny walked passed with a really cute dog.
I could see she was a bit iffy, I smiled and said "That's a lovely dog you've got", we then had a 10 minuite conversation about the dog.

Dogs are the most awesome animal in the world.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 21:43, Reply)

No, I smell of Vics Vaporub and Laphroig
A heady parfum, but it's inflicted only upon me and not a whole tube carriage, unlike Eau de Beckyconsonants.

You probably smell much nicer than the breath of the cat that's trying to lick my face right now too.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 21:56, Reply)

I smell of shaving foam and despair.
shaving foam 'cause I shaved, despair because I now look like a baby.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 21:57, Reply)

Also:
Awaiting acceptance/negotiation of flat offer - and the landlord might let us have a dog!!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:02, Reply)

Excellent!
Glad it's going well for you post nuptials. BTW, you will have mail in a few mins...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:09, Reply)

S'all good!
I have received your despatch, and have duly responded!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:14, Reply)

Tell em you're having a dog or you're pulling out of the deal
you can always negotiate other fluffies later :)

*Plans DiT as a future dumping ground for strays and waifs I feel sorry for at work*

Edit: I now smell of win - Lush shower gel having showered, been to ex flatmates flat, clipped his cats claws and come home again to finally eat some food!
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:09, Reply)

Hahaha
I can only have one, not a menagerie!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:15, Reply)

One that the landlord knows about
and the rest in a secret cupboard not killing each other. Much like the heady world of b3ta
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:15, Reply)

I'd hope there would be less unsupervised peer group therapy.
I'd hate it if I cam home to find three dogs, seventeen cats, two rats, a parrot and a horse having a round table discussion about the time they were forcibly removed from there mother, and how they still sometimes wake in the night screaming for Mummy to bring the Ready Brek.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:20, Reply)

Well we had a 50 year old tortoise in today who needs a home as the owner's just died...

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:22, Reply)

:( Poor tortoise!
But I'm sure he doesn't want to live in Wanstead. He needs somewhere with a pond!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:23, Reply)

Nah, she wants to hibernate and we're not letting her because she's not well enough to :(
She's looking good for an old lady though.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:25, Reply)

I love tortoises!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:36, Reply)

She's very cool. Coming back in for another check next week and then to be rehomed with someone :)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:39, Reply)

They're the best of all the reptiles
Sorry.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:47, Reply)

Nah, Gecko's are the awesomest :)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:48, Reply)

Did you see that programme where Richard Hammond put a gecko in a teflon pan
to demonstrate how the Guggenheim Madrid was built? Geckos can't stick to teflon, and his little face was all confused!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:59, Reply)

Aww, no I didn't see it. Poor little gecko. I'm not a fan of the Hamsterman

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:03, Reply)

"unsupervised peer group therapy"...
a new meme is born?
Chuckles.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:25, Reply)

Biscuit?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:26, Reply)

no thanks dear, just finished my dinner.
you okay? apart from the vomiting dog, that is.
if it's any consolation to you i got a fair amount of human faeces on me today. and wee too. and also some general scroff.
the joys of being a Plumber.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:30, Reply)

How did that make you feel?

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:33, Reply)

Shitty!
Thank you, I'll be here all week, make sure to tip your waitress...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:35, Reply)

WITH POO!
Not really, that's a little harsh. Give her cookies
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:40, Reply)

Chocolate chip ones.
Or a hob nob.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:41, Reply)

Chocolate Oreos you fool
Edit: Dear god I posted 2 packets of hobnobs to the States yesterday. £10 fucking postage cost. Not fucking amused.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:41, Reply)

TEN FUCKING QUID?
You could've *flown* them over!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:46, Reply)

Well they did go by airmail, but I made sure it was small enough to go at small packet rate and light enough as well
880G to the United states of Zombieland is 10 fucking pounds.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:49, Reply)

I'll tell her to use a more efficient anti-perspirant

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:40, Reply)

*covers baldy face*
Wruagrgh!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:41, Reply)

it made me feel like i was working for a living.
but not in a good way.
or a bad way, for that matter.
it's one thing getting your own shit under your finger nails, entirely another when it belongs to someone else.
which makes me wonder (not "think", merely "wonder"), bearing in mind that the law says that once you have put something in a skip (that you are paying for) it is no longer your property but that of the skip-licensee, does your own shit still belong to you once you have flushed?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:51, Reply)

According to the same logic
it would belong to the water authority?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:56, Reply)

yeah, that's what i was thinking.
for sure it becomes their legal responsibility after the flush carries it beyond the inspection chamber/man-hole but as for actual ownership? what if someone (suffering from an extreme form of anal-retention?) wanted it back? d'ya reckon it could be made to stand up in court? fnaar-fnaar...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:02, Reply)

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and say to yourself....
/ac

"Hawt DAYUM, life is gooood".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:55, Reply)

Hello cunts
I've just applied for seven jobs. Get me. *dances* Hopefully none of those involve vomit though...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:32, Reply)

Fingers crossed pet!
(But not legs...)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:34, Reply)

Hey ma you outrageous norrvener you
How's tricks? I had a dream about a darlek last night 0_o
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:36, Reply)

Bless your heart!
Are you ok? Would you like to talk about it?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:41, Reply)

It was ok it was a very short dream
I think it was because I came across the pic of Beekers next to Pa's darlek yesterday
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:43, Reply)

*snigger*
'fingers'
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:36, Reply)

Seven?
Blimey! Good luck! *crosses toes*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:36, Reply)

Evening Badger
Will any involve other bodily fluids?

* radiates good vibes to TGB *
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:41, Reply)

Everything but precum.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:41, Reply)

Where's PJM?
PRECUMS
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:42, Reply)

In therapy
Thanks to you lot.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:49, Reply)

HOORAY
we've succeeded :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:50, Reply)

ARHGHG
WHYYYYYYYYYYY
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:43, Reply)

Because you're worth it.
*flicks*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:45, Reply)

What you flicking
BALDY MAN
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:47, Reply)

My hair.
At you. In your face.

MY FACE IS COLD. COLD.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:49, Reply)

I'll
get you one of these for xmas then
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:50, Reply)

Ha, given the current reaction to my baldness the beard will be back next week...
THAT is made of win, though.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:54, Reply)

Mongcapades

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:51, Reply)

You've just reminded me I need to wax my 'tache

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:53, Reply)

I don't believe it.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:55, Reply)

Oh yeah man
I like totally have Brezhnev's monobrow on my top lip.
*jealouses of DiT's smooth bald face*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:01, Reply)

"Brezhnev's monobrow"
Hahahahahahahaha!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:19, Reply)

:o)
How's the therapy going pet?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:29, Reply)

You haven't lived until you've been paid to clean up animal waste!
Best of luck with the jobs though love
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:41, Reply)

BARF diet = solid white dog shit :)

( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:42, Reply)

Personally I think the BARF diet's a load of shit
but then I've not had good experiences with animals who've been on it.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:45, Reply)

Done properly it's brilliant
Mildew is full of energy, has immaculately clean teeth (from chewing the bones) and a shiny coat. I don't suppose it would suit all furries though.
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:51, Reply)

Ahh, but no one that starts it round my way does it properly though
they do it in bits and pieces and sometimes end up almost killing the dog.

How are you tonight my lovely?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:53, Reply)

My dog
has just let me know she wants to go out, so smoke and bed for me! Catch you later :)

OH DEAR GOD SHE'S FARTED ON ME! It rivals Tourette's it really does *chokes*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:58, Reply)

Apart from having FACIAL STUBBLE I'm fine thanks honey!
I did tons of research on BARF and got hold of a book by the Australian vet who introduced the concept. It never ceases to amaze me how clueless most people are about their pets - there was a daft bint in front of me at Asda last Easter buying multiple chocolate eggs for her dog FFS :-S
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:09, Reply)

That sounds all of the sexyback m'love!
Christ I wish you were one of my clients. Well despite being Northern and all that ,)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:19, Reply)

Hee hee :)
Can't help me roots bonny lass, but I'll be your bitch any time lol
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 23:30, Reply)

fanks :)
I take it you are loving your bodily fluid soaked job?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:43, Reply)

Yup, very much so :)
The bodily fluids mean I'm 99% guaranteed to get a seat on the way home as no one wants to stand near me :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 14 Oct 2009, 22:52, Reply)

morning folks
I smell of baby puke and giggles, shucks!
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 0:10, Reply)