A Love Story...
First of all, I know full well that 90% of you have no idea who I am and the other 10% aren't really that bothered. But those of you who may remember, I stopped posting here in December after Spimf took umbrage to a post I put up on QOTW and went on a hate campaign normally reserved for BNP members and Jan Moir. Well apparently the poor fella still hasn't gotten over it and a year later is still sending me abusive gaz's. Since I really can't be bothered with the whole internet message board argument thing, I'll post my reply here - not because I think you'll care about it, but because I want to prove that nobody in the entire world who has ever existed in the world ever gives 2 shits about an angry man on a website who hates a fat man who posted an apparently offensive story. Oh, and to add to the apathy pile, I really can't be bothered with b3ta anymore.

"Actually, I'll tell you what I'll do. Since you are so desperate for my attention, almost to the point I think it could in some circles qualify as a fetish, I'll send you a nice long email to gnaw on, then I'll block you, but not before explaining why harrassing me under any kind of alias will be a bit pointless.

First up, you should get your "perceptive internet user of the year" award in the post within 5 to 10 working days. Only you and a select group of people - namely those who can open jpegs on a computer and who know me - have noticed that I'm fat. In addition to your award, I have sent your details to the British Army to recommend you as a sniper, should they ever need a large land mass assassinated.

What bothers me is not your particularly unpleasant brand of vitriol. It's the fact that after a year you are still seemingly obsessed with hurling abuse at someone you barely know who made a post that you took umbrage to on an internet site (which by the way, I could have even made up for all you know). There is so much wrong with that I'm legitimately struggling on where to start. I think I'll start by humoring you before getting onto the blindingly obvious:

1. Yes, in my youth I did some horrible, bad and selfish things. At no point have I ever said I was a good and honest person; I'm not. I'm a bit older and a lot wiser these days and you will be pleased to hear that all people in that post (from what I remember of it) are all alive, well, happy and prosperous, and we all talk regularly, and all debts have been sorted. This makes it all the more creepy that you, a stranger on the internet, are still so worked up about it.

2. Exactly how much spare time do you have to archive a stranger's posts and threaten to re-post them - even though anybody could go and view them at any time, and only you and one other person actually cared?

3. I barely use b3ta these days anyway. Yes, your utter obnoxiousness made me decide that being on here was more annoyance than I really needed and I left, but in that time I have a lot more to occupy my time with. Just finished my first book, taken an amazing new job and have a lovely circle of friends I now socialise with. I pop on here every now and again as there are a few folks I still like to talk to, and for the most part, the posts on here do make me chuckle on a slow workday afternoon. Oh, and if you want to find my posts, I'll occasionally stick a video up on the links board. That's about as involved as I get with b3ta now.

4. You can post whatever you like about me - I don't care what people on here think about me and what amuses me the most is that you fail to realise is that I doubt ANYBODY cares about me *or* you on here. It's just a fun little website where people tell stories and post pictures. That's it. End of. Seriously, cup your ear and lean to the left. Do you hear that? Yep, that's right. It's the sound of nobody caring. And if you wish to go on a crusade to make people care and hate me then go right ahead - I'm actually kinda jealous that you have enough spare time to do it.

I honestly don't know what you're hoping will be the end result of this. Are you hoping this will follow the cyber bullying pattern and I'll move to Wales and hang myself on webcam? Are you hoping I will be ousted as an evil bastard like Nick Griffin or Abu Hamza? Seriously, I'm a boring fat bloke who lives by the seaside who once did something a bit selfish and has since made amends. I think in these times of bigotry, terrorism, recession and Cheryl Cole's solo career, people really aren't going to care.

But I want to finish on my most important point. Whatever you say or do in response to this, please understand that nobody cares. It means nothing. Please, go and spend your time doing something more constructive. Go pick on someone else who uses this site enough for your bullying to actually become a problem to them. And finally, please don't think I dislike you, or even that I feel sorry for you. You are simply words on a screen. You don't matter. T'ra chuck x"
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:23, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

alright twefnalignerip

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:43, Reply)

alright rosalicious

(Bazongaloid, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:55, Reply)

alright althegeordie

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 15:08, Reply)

What did you do?

(i should have joined myspace, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:47, Reply)

He was funny.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 15:30, Reply)

I totally love you

(Bazongaloid, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:48, Reply)

oh and - BOAT!
lol
(Bazongaloid, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:49, Reply)

coupla tings
You make it sound like I’ve been gazzing you for a year, when the truth is I sent you a message after you decided to 'reveal' you were the great BOAT after being in hiding for over a year.

I’m still waiting to see the post where you say you paid back all the money you conned off the girl who guaranteed your loan then was left to pay for it while you swanned around hotels and restaurants at her expense, then came on here to gloat about it.

So yeah, fuck off again that would be nice.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Hmmmmm
the lack of understanding is strong in this one.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 16:33, Reply)

I'm not sure I know what went on here
and only have a vague recollection of BOAT.
( Maladicta, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 16:34, Reply)

"please understand that nobody cares. It means nothing...You are simply words on a screen. You don't matter "
Hmmm. Evidently it matters enough for you to post a lengthy thread.

Anyway, tl;dr
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 16:40, Reply)

BOAT!
Personally I don't really agree with spimf on this issue. I feel he made a bit of a mountain out of an anthill.

I'd rather that you kept posting, as the thing that matters is how entertaining the posts are more than anything else. The point here is good writing, not how verifiable the stories are or whether the person acted badly.

But that's just my opinion; I may be wrong.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 26 Oct 2009, 0:22, Reply)

maybe you are right
after all its was only 7 thousand pounds

and the guy is such an absolute riot

silly me

*completes loan application*

*leafs through address book for gullible friends*
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 12:33, Reply)

Fuck me
you are incredibly tedious, and the more you post, the more you prove him right.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 13:46, Reply)

I think
you're all cunts, the fucking lot of ye.
(knackerz is skinning up, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 2:26, Reply)

BOAT!
How I remember ye....
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Mon 26 Oct 2009, 14:56, Reply)