God I'm bored.
I need something exciting to happen. I have exciting things happening in the near future but I want something exciting to happen right now. The last exciting thing that happened was my trip oop north to visit Tourettes and Davros but that was weeks ago. I must have something exciting happen now or else I'll go quite mad.

Any ideas?
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 12:56, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

fuck a stranger in the ass
or

have a nice cup of tea and a whole Sara Lee gateaux
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 12:59, Reply)

Well I would have no problem fucking someone I know in the ass, but not a stranger.
I would eat a whole cheescake.


Now you have me thinking. I haven't binged for ages, (and no I don't throw up afterwards).
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:02, Reply)

You can come to the party I'm going to on friday,
it'll be full of students.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:01, Reply)

I hate students.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:02, Reply)

Good, it wasn't a serious invitation.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:03, Reply)

I had realised that.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:04, Reply)

go get a drink

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:07, Reply)

Of what?
I'm at work.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:10, Reply)

okay, then go start playing pranks on your boss

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:14, Reply)

He's operating machinery so that would be a bad idea.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:16, Reply)

Does he drive?

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:21, Reply)

Yes.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:23, Reply)

cover his car in shaving cream

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:44, Reply)

WHAT!!!!
It's his pride and joy. It's a Aston Martin DB9 and I'd be cast out from the family never to be seen again if I did anything but look at that car.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:56, Reply)

You wanted excitement.
There you go.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:02, Reply)

Cover yourself in red biro
stagger around the office dragging one leg pretending your a zombie... for added effect keep slurring the word 'brainnnnssss'
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:21, Reply)

There is only me in the office so apart from making myself laugh like a mong, no one would notice.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:24, Reply)

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY OF THESE IDEAS SERIOUSLY WHY BOTHER ASKING?????1!!??!?!?!?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:25, Reply)

I AM TAKING THEM SERIOUSLY BUT SO FAR NO-ONE HAS COME UP WITH ANYTHING EXCITING AND DO-ABLE!!!???!.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:26, Reply)

Oh well if its only you in the office
then you should make the most of it and sit around in your pants or something listening to death metal.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:26, Reply)

this sounds like a good plan
I've had too much sugar, and have bugger all work to do. how am I going to cope with this afternoon?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:27, Reply)

If I worked from home its all I'd ever do
Ah too much sugar hey... so you'll be feeling really rough in about an hours time then... I would suggest continuing the sugar rush by cramming more sweets in your face or finding a dib dab for emergency use.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:29, Reply)

I like the idea of an emergency Dib dab.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:30, Reply)

Replace every item in your work's First Aid kit
with Dib Dabs, swizzlesticks and McCowan's toffee
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:32, Reply)

I used to have one at my old office in a little box
It was my 'I'm crashing and I need a sugar boost' essential.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:32, Reply)

Did you snort the sherbet
and melt the lollipop on a spoon to take intravenously?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:33, Reply)

Nope I just tore the
packet open with my teeth and poured the contents in my mouth, 30 seconds later I was good to go!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:34, Reply)

I reckon you'd dissolve if we put you in water
Will DiT still love you when you're a toothless diabetic?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:36, Reply)

of course he will
toothless = great head
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Probably
Hmmm... he does tell me if I get fat he'll leave me.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Test that theory.
Get fat and see what he does.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:42, Reply)

Meh
That would take a lot of effort. I eat masses as it is, I'm not sure how much more I could eat. I think I'll get to 30 and I'll burst or something, eventually I'll get fat, currently its just a waiting game.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:44, Reply)

or a... ... ... weighting game,

shut up
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:46, Reply)

Hey hey!
That was funny... well I laughed!! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:47, Reply)

I think that you must be drunk.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:18, Reply)

I've only had one or two
ales
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:23, Reply)

yes!
I am a millionaire!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:46, Reply)

Oh, chompy
how awful
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:47, Reply)

You're just upset you
didn't think of it first!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:51, Reply)

Are you one of those evil people with a high metabolism?

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I think I'm one of those odd people
That’s constant laughing burns fat... that and my printer is at the other end of the office so every 5 seconds I'm running around for paper.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:50, Reply)

I think one of those people
That’s constant laughing burns fat... that and my printer is at the other end of the office so every 5 seconds I'm running around for paper.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Ah
Your strikethroughs just confuse me, what are you trying to say!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:22, Reply)

'I'm one of those odd people'
Would be all that's left of your post
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Thanks
I couldn't be bothered to work it out!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:25, Reply)

nope
it would just say "I'm odd"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:45, Reply)

Oh are you
Well, don't let it get you down hey! Mwahahaha
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:51, Reply)

that's not how those work and you knows it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:52, Reply)

I'm feeling pretty bad now
stupid birthday brownies and millionaires shortbread.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:32, Reply)

I know you're trying but it wouldn't really excite me.
It would make me giggle but only for a short while.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:28, Reply)

Bums
I am very trying, ask Vipros, its his joke of the fortnight! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:30, Reply)

it's not a joke
it's true :-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:31, Reply)

Ahhhhhhhh
You're so funny my sides have actually split!

MEDIC!!!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:33, Reply)

She's so trying
that now she has to go for a conversion

/rugby joke
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:34, Reply)

Hehe
That's not bad actually, well done!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:35, Reply)

*prouds*

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:35, Reply)

*applauds*
can't remember what it was for, but yesterday, me and Mrs V performed the loudest high five ever. Practically crippled her, and left my hand tingling for about 5 minutes.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:38, Reply)

You and your Mrs.
Bonkers! the pair of you.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:40, Reply)

eh?
why's that?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:42, Reply)

I was being sarcastic.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:43, Reply)

so we're not bonkers?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:43, Reply)

Sorry!
The joke hasn't worked well.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:47, Reply)

nope
:-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:53, Reply)

*takes top off*
Lick my hairy nipples
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:27, Reply)

*sucks*
*sucks hard*
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:28, Reply)

I said lick
you bloody degenerate
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:29, Reply)

You're bloody lucky I didn't bite them.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:30, Reply)

Ooooh, go on then, bite away

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:31, Reply)

Well so far, eating a whole cheesecake is the only viable option to make my life exciting.
*sighs*
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:41, Reply)

that truly is a sad state of affairs
however, I would like to caution you against overindulging in sweet things. It's made me feel rubbish.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:43, Reply)

create a novelty additional login
and then have an online argument with yourself
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 13:58, Reply)

You lot really have some strange ideas about what's exciting.

( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:00, Reply)

But that's been the best idea so far!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:05, Reply)

No it hasn't!

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:05, Reply)

CUNT

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:05, Reply)

and that surprises you?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:07, Reply)

stuff an arch-bishop full of walnuts
/paul merton
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Is it just me
or has he become deeply unfunny lately?

His series years ago was shit, but he used to be good on that news thing
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:08, Reply)

he had a surprisingly funny one on the latest episode
he's just weird now, and not weird in a funny way. he just delivers non-sequiturs, which doesn't really work in a panel show.

david mitchell was awesome as the host though, adding extra weight to my belief that he is the funniest person on tv.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:11, Reply)

Alright, gaybo
why don't you just marry David Mitchell already?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:12, Reply)

I WOULD IF HE'D HAVE ME!
*runs sobbing into the night*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Haha
He is rather good I suppose
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Aww don't cry
He wouldn't have me either.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:19, Reply)

What are you talking about?
You married him, didn't you?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:20, Reply)

No
I married Rik Mayall
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:24, Reply)

hit him with a frying pan

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Cricket bat - groin

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:29, Reply)

I suppose that makes me
Eddie Hitler... mannnn! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Edward ELIZABETH Hitler

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:32, Reply)

Do you want to know a secret...
Chompy doesn't like Bottom
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:35, Reply)

WHAT?!
How is that even possible?

The disgraceful, uncultured swine. He ought to be punished for this.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:41, Reply)

He doesn't like Shaun of the Dead either!
The HORROR!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:54, Reply)

Meh

( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 15:35, Reply)

Shaun of the dead was quite funny
Bottom was not.

The Young Ones has aged terribly as well I think - and I used to love it when it was first on. It's actually embarrassingly bad student wanker shit.

THE END
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 16:44, Reply)

NO WAI
I totally wish I were you
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Yeah you do
You'd have jubblies and EVERYTHING.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:30, Reply)

I'd use my mimsy to store loose change
but I meant so I could be married to Rik Mayall
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:33, Reply)

Create a meeting in the team calendar
And go to the pictures. Works best if you have an accomplice who will agree that you were in a meeting with them.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Play this game (posted before)
Make a toilet roll periscope and hide under your desk and have this sample of a submarine sonar 'ping' looped.

www.freesound.org/samplesViewSingle.php?id=20223

If anyone asks what you are up to respond only in fake German giving name, rank and number.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:12, Reply)

You don't need that sound
just say 'poo' over and over again, in a really echo-y way
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Come on.
You don't want people thinking you are odd in any way.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:15, Reply)

If I was a mutli billionaire, and this credit crunch wasn't going on.
I'ld take you on a holiday to the maldives so we can go scuba diving, from a helecopter, with a parashoot.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:19, Reply)

ORRRRRR
I would recreate the film The Rock (staring Nicolas Cage), that'll be awesome.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:20, Reply)

But I'm not, diddums, gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 14:20, Reply)