I have phoned in sick!
I know you're all thinking "You don't seem sick to me..."
But honestly, I'm aching and shivering, my throat is on fire, swallowing hurts, my yock tastes of grass and the mere thought of gettting in the shower or leaving the house almost made me cry.

Now I've rung in, I feel slightly better, but I know that if I rung up and said "I feel slightly better" I'll feel desperately ill again.
So I'll just lie here under these layers and blankets, bothering you lot all day.

What ails thee?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:21, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Nothing, I'm tip top,
except the pre budget report tomorrow's going to fuck me.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:22, Reply)

NHS cuts?
concerned that one of my friends is going to get fucked by it too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:24, Reply)

Yep, it's not direct but it'll mean a loss of about £1.5 mill potentially
as we were going to support the national care records.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:26, Reply)

my friend works in support for some new bit of the computer system or something
can't quite remember its function...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:28, Reply)

I think it's a good thing,
it's been a total fuck up, but the people who are going to feel the pinch aren't the ones that are the problem.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:34, Reply)

it's not going to save that much money either because they'll just blow the rest of their budget before april.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:36, Reply)

is it one of those stupid cases where
if they don't spend their whole budget they don't get as much next year?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:38, Reply)

Yep,
that's standard public service practice.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:39, Reply)

ridiculous business

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:54, Reply)

Still not feeling 100% after the weekend...
I'm never drinking again!
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:24, Reply)

Course you aren't mate, course you aren't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:35, Reply)

Yeah, and I had a messy break-up once.
I'll never have sex again...
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:54, Reply)

I've had a sore throat for a couple of weeks now.
That's the last time I go to a swingers club.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:32, Reply)

Doity beetch

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:35, Reply)

: )

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:38, Reply)

My heart aches
and a drowsy numbness pains
My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk.


other than that, I'm alright, like.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:43, Reply)

Ooo! aren't you cultured innit.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:45, Reply)

Aren't I just?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:49, Reply)

Here's how cultured I am..
I was confused when I realised you weren't launching into Heartaches by Patsy Cline.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:50, Reply)

Here's how cultured I am
My entire lower half is currently covered in yoghurt.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:54, Reply)

That must be a very serious case of thrush.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:55, Reply)

Hahah
Al's got Candida!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:01, Reply)

I'd like to launch into Patsy Palmer
with a mattock.

Will that do?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:55, Reply)

There's another Patsy I don't like
But I can't think who...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Kensit

(TheColonel, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Cline

(TheColonel, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Corned beef patsy

(TheColonel, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:05, Reply)

It's Kensit!!!!
Thanks.
I love Cline. They called her Queen of Country but she had fucking soul.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Zombie Fabregas
newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/46876000/jpg/_46876776_fabz226getty.jpg

Why would the BBC do such a thing?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 9:44, Reply)

I am also off sick
My daughter is very ill so I am taking care of her though I am myself feeling rough.
( Peej, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Baaad
My dad's off sick but he's in their house and I'm in mine. We're phoning each other and competing on who's the most ill.
My mum has the same lurgy but she's out shopping and going to work and stuff.
Me and my dad know how to do be ill.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:13, Reply)

Your reply descended into jazzy scatting there
Me and my dad know how to do be do be doo scoo bab doobee bap doo....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Hahhaha I'm properly actually laughing
Not just on the internet, but actual proper chuckling and that!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:19, Reply)

You're angling for a 'heart of gold' from Esther Rantzen aren't you?
Joking aside hope you both get well soon.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:15, Reply)

If Akira wasn't ill I'd probably be at work
I'm thinking of going for the X-factor angle rather than heart of gold.

so far I have "My dad died when I was younger and my mum had to raise us on her own. I was bullied in school and had to have my leg rebuilt with metal pins. Then in December of 2009 my daughter got a cough and was....sniff....a bit snuffly. So i've come on the X-factor to pull at your heart strings and guilt trip you in to voting for me"

Needs working on a bit. I intend to take Crack and Smack next week so I can say "I used drugs but not anymore" as well.
( Peej, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:19, Reply)

With a brief relapse in week three
Maybe you could recuperate at Simon's Mustique pad. Maybe Sinitta could make you some soup.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:21, Reply)

My neighbour's budgerigar died last week.
Bingo, this is for you! "There's a heeeeeeeroooooooo..."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:21, Reply)

What about my mum eh?
You don't hope she gets better, no? Even though she's just as ill but feels she has no choice but to soldier on, while me and Dad have whipped out the John Lewis fluffy robes and caramel toffees?
Chauvinist.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 10:21, Reply)

Have your mum suck on a Fisherman's Friend.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 11:03, Reply)

She's always at that
Shehas to drive past the canal on her way home from Nana's.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 11:14, Reply)

How is Nana?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 11:18, Reply)

Hands up who thinks nana should get a B3ta account.

( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 11:21, Reply)

To be honest, I'm trying to make them get a puter.
My layabout uncle may as well be able to watch porn and look up guitar tabs if he's gonna do sod all.
And Nana's better at texting than Mum so I know she'd get the hang of it.
But she says "Oh, GIRL, imagine ME on a computer!!"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 11:25, Reply)

She's great.
Saucy little mare.
Keps getting drunk and listenong to stuff she's taped off the radio, then ringing me and making me listen.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Nana likes drinking and music eh?
Tell me more...
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 11:33, Reply)

We go to gigs
But she's not trying to be all young. She just like music and a bit of booze.
She fancies Tony Benn and John Parrot.
And she said Pam Ayers is fit. She's just amazing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 8 Dec 2009, 11:40, Reply)