Okay, this a 7.2 croissant level of smugness on the Vipros scale* (*logarithmic)
Yesterday was a crap day and I was feeling crap about having another hospital appointment this morning. Catface said I could have part of my Christmas present early to cheer me up. I thought he was going to do the Thong Dance again but instead he handed me a CD. He'd written a script to copy each Shipping Forecast off iPlayer so that I'd have a couple of hours worth of them to listen to when my insomnia is at its worst - the Shipping Forecast is one of the few things that chills me out when the shrink is being stingy with the diazepam. Anyway that's the nicest present anyone has ever given me. I am smug in the cosy glow of love.

Obligatory question: what chills you out?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:02, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

getting stoned
also, the shipping forecast.

I wouldn't mind a copy of that CD...

"And now...the chicken forecast"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:03, Reply)

I forsee all manner of remixes,
like at the end it fades to the sound of wind and waves.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:04, Reply)

I've been wanting to use the shipping forecast over some music for a while
and have a reasonable opportunity to do so at the moment
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Computer games
complicated ones which mean my mind can't wander.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:04, Reply)

The only one that ever totally engrossed me was Riven.
My mind couldn't even wander when I slept - I was dreaming about the puzzles.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:05, Reply)

Supreme commander is my personal favorite.
Impossibly hard at first.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:07, Reply)

That is so sweet.
(SF chills me out too. My favourite is 'Cromarty')

My favourite way of chilling out is to lie on the rug in front of the fire, on my tummy.
But I always get too warm, fall asleep, and wake up at 3am, burnt on one side.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:04, Reply)

Is it a sheepskin rug?
And a log fire?

or a JML Magic Carpet? And a SuperSer?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:06, Reply)

70s Robinson Willey gas fire
Rug of man-made fibres.

My mother is going insane over the Magic Carpet. "I don't WANT a dark one! Why don't any of our local shops sell the light ones??"
Welcome mat racist.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:09, Reply)

If she got a dark one
she could beat it regularly.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:12, Reply)

She wants a pale one
Because she wants it to look clean. And it will do, because she intends to put it into the washing machine regularly.

All of the above could also refer to her child-rearing methods.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:14, Reply)

She put you in the washing machine?

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 19:12, Reply)

Aw! How sweet is that.
Red wine and the sound of rain on the windows.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:07, Reply)

I find that
tossing and turning in uneasy, sweaty low-level panic for hours on end, eventually with a pillow over my face to block out the cold grey fingers of dawn, then finally dropping into blessed deep sleep about three minutes before my alarm goes off does the trick.

You should try it!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:09, Reply)

Wanking.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:20, Reply)

Have you set this up on auto-reply for every question?

( thealternativefact, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:36, Reply)

Wanking.
Um, I mean yes.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:48, Reply)

You should do copies of that CD.
*puts in order for first one*


Oh and a dvd of the thong dance would go down a treat too.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:29, Reply)

Yes, I hope to film that in 3D.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:34, Reply)

That sounds liek a shit present
If someone got me that I'd punch them in the face. Can I punch Catface in the face anyway?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:42, Reply)

YES

( thealternativefact, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:44, Reply)

Awesome
That's all the permission I need
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Remember, violence is not the answer.
It is the question, and the answer is yes.
Kick him the nuts from me.
( thealternativefact, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:52, Reply)

You sound like a shit bully
Stuffed olive?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:48, Reply)

Shut your face Roota
Before I jiggle you from here to Greenland
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:52, Reply)

You wouldn't dare

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:54, Reply)

She's not - she's really good at it.

( thealternativefact, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:52, Reply)

I heard she just pulls your hair a bit and shouts

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:54, Reply)

That's her being friendly.
When she's being her normal self, she's a right cow.
( thealternativefact, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:58, Reply)

In that case,
I'm totally fuckled aren't I?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 13:59, Reply)

Yup

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Oh hellooooo, Teebiegeebie,
and how are you today?
Don't mind that little misunderstanding before. I was merely kidding.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Good
Otherwise spanking would be in order
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:10, Reply)

Damn!
But I LIKE that!!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 16:50, Reply)

Aren't you after his ear or something?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Telly
red wine

masturbation

all three at the same time is pure bliss.

rafter
baz

ps: KLF's chillout album is ace for chilling out to - you could say it's a Ronseal album.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 21 Dec 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Reading is about the only thing that will get
me through a panic attack. I also have to be in a "safe" place, so if I'm not at home, I usually go out to the car and hide in it until I've calmed down.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 22 Dec 2009, 0:07, Reply)