Well fuck me gender neutral, QOTW's hit a new low.
I can't even bring myself to post on it this week as it's even more full of babbling idiots than usual.

Not that this place is much better. Nice to see you lot have been keeping busy though while the rest of us were eating mini sausage rolls together and swapping witty repartée over cheap white wine.

Question: I don't have one, unless it's "why does everyone I speak to say 'thank god Christmas is over for another year' yet insist we should celebrate this holiday on an annual basis"?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:28, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tradition
It's a terrible excuse for a whole variety of things.
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:35, Reply)

I am suffering from a mild case of family fatigue
But it wasn't an unpleasant festive period.

I can't make head nor tail of this week's QOTW answers. Maybe the question was a bit vague.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:35, Reply)

Aren't they great?
Hurling around cliches they would deny any connection with if it meant that could actually get near any of the fanny-owning people.
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:37, Reply)

I have narrowed their cliches down into 4 categories;
1) The palaeoloithic argument ("yeah, well, we're hardwired that way, see from when men were hunters and women were gatherers, hence the psychological bibble babble about brains that I'm spouting now"

2) The breaking the mould argument ("yeah, well some people are, like, stereotypes, and girls are useless and men are toughbut me, yeah, I'm different, I'm a girl who likes to do things that are conventionally manly and that makes me unique, like all the other girls on here")

3) The right-on argument ("yeah, well, we should just, y'know, do what we want to do cos it's not about absolute equality, it's about being treated fairly")

4) The argument of the cock ("yeah, women - HA! Especially feminists, HA! [Insert recycled Les Dawson joke]")

I would have some sympathy with 3) if they didn't point out the fucking obvious and if they had actually ever heard of third wave feminism.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:45, Reply)

Good points there, Cracks.
But basically it comes down to this: I'm not very good at putting up shelves and this makes me feel inadequate and scared in front of girls.
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:50, Reply)

Tru dat.
The more extrovert aspergers will look at your shoes when they tell you that.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:54, Reply)

Bless them all
before setting fire to them and sending them on their ways.
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:59, Reply)

yup
all pretty bad
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:06, Reply)

I like how you basicly say you're too good for us yet you're still here and will be posting regulary as soon as the monotomy of your job kicks in again.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:38, Reply)

I'm guessing you know this place is shit by the at-least daily checking.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:39, Reply)

Just to be sure.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:39, Reply)

She is too good for us, actually.
But don't let that get you down.
Go and cook something.
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:42, Reply)

Nope, I don't like it, swanning around like Lady Muck, giving it all the big I Am, I don't know what's gotten into her head, to be honest.
I remember when she was just Jenny from the Block.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:45, Reply)

You ain't fooled by the rocks that I got, damn.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:48, Reply)

You used to have a little and now you have a lot.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:50, Reply)

*looks at catface*
*laughs*
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:51, Reply)

I'm the quality control officer at a water monitoring station.
I like to check regularly for any outbreaks of shit.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:47, Reply)

This place was a retreat for me WHILST doing white wine and mini sausage rolls
Every time a family get-together got too much, I'd whip out my phone, text my best mate, then go and see what the internet people were saying.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:48, Reply)

I spent Christmas at the in-laws.
I have trouble spending more than a couple of hours with my own family, let alone anyone else's. I reckon I'm going to have flashbacks for months to come. It was like 'Nam, but with slightly better rations.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:51, Reply)

Were they all teeny tiny?
Did they have special chairs?
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:58, Reply)

Yeah, I felt like I was re-enacting Attack of the 50 Foot Woman.
We had miniature carrots, which I found cute, though now I realise they were probably normal-sized carrots to the Family Catface.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:00, Reply)

Both sides of my family are absolutely Lilliputian.
My dad's side has more Jeremy Kyle-ness.
My mum's side has more genuine mental illness.
I survived because I'm assuming I have a little of both.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:04, Reply)

This week's qotw has even left me feeling jaded and I'm not easily jaded as you all know.
My twopenneth.

www.b3ta.com/questions/sexism/post599453
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:49, Reply)

I think I can convince Barry to forgive you, but Barbera might take some work.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:51, Reply)

Ah well! it was a bit short notice.
I need MOAR notice next time.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:51, Reply)

OK, but I want you to know, that dispite this, you are still welcome in my home any time you wish.
I would never leave you and your mates outside in the cold on christmas day eaither.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:08, Reply)

I don't fucking insist it. In fact I quite clearly state "don't buy me anything"
but they fucking do it anyway then I feel guilty and it's like I have to buy shit.
I didn't have a clue as to what to buy people this year so I just bought random crap, like "Oh, it's a bath fizzy shaped like a duck, in the cart you go" and so on

Now I'd be happy if I only had to buy for my parents. I was quite happy with the gifts they got me and they seemed happy with what I got them, including my dad's mini shriek when I gave him the Serenity dvd.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:50, Reply)

Yeah, and the amount of bath stuff I got given makes me think I must smell.
Also, there's never enough hot water in our house for baths, plus it's too cold to lounge around in the bathroom, plus I don't want to sit in a chemical cocktail of lurid pink Camellia Gardenia bath foam that makes my mimsy itchy by just looking at the bottle.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:59, Reply)

I'd just run out of shower gel
So thw H&M shower shite my cousin probably shoplifted for me was quite welcome.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:06, Reply)

I could send you some flourescent pink Camellia Gardenia foaming body wash
but you'd have to make your own gynaecology and dermatology appointments.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:07, Reply)

Your description just had me reaching for the Canesten
I'll have it anyway, and give it to my pretend aunty next year.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:10, Reply)

I double dare you to give her the aforementioned bath foam
and a packet of Canestan Combi, all wrapped up pretty with a nice pink ribbon.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:13, Reply)

She's permanently out of her mind on vodka and tranqs
She really wouldn't notice.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:14, Reply)

CAN WE ALL PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT ROTTEN MINGES PLEASE !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:16, Reply)

Aw, yeah, sorry mate, didn't mean to make you feel excluded from our womanly conversations.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:17, Reply)

I feel so left out
=(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:21, Reply)

Have you got any natural yogurt Gonz?
It's fermenting up there.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:18, Reply)

If it turns into a loaf of bread or a wheel of cheese, then I don't want it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:23, Reply)

I doubt that will happen
so I'll pass it back when I'm done, k thanks.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:25, Reply)

OH BOY ! TAZIKI !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:28, Reply)

I get a whimsical or cat related cup every year from my sister.
In twenty years I'm going to have to move house to accommodate them all.

I also got a scarf from my mum that's only really suitable for a middle-aged women. Then I remembered I am a middle-aged women :(
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:06, Reply)

I have a theory about cats.
It is that they are useless and that people who keep them are therefore emotionally stunted. I realise it is a theory that has not been rigourously tested yet but given the right amount of funding I could carry out that testing and I'm damn sure I could prove it, statistically, of course. So far I'm basing it on a sample of about two people I know who own cats and are twats. Also, it does not apply to dogs as dogs are fucking awesome.

Edit: cat mugs are a cry for help.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:10, Reply)

What about wankers with rabid pit bulls?
I think there are good and bad in both camps. I deserve shooting because I joined my mother's cat-greeting-card circus.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:13, Reply)

Yeah, ok, I concede that.
My ma and her miniature schnauzers give dog owners a bad name too. She did sign the Christmas card with their names. I did not encourage her, unlike you with your cat-encouraging cards!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:16, Reply)

My mother "I got your nephew to draw the paw this year...
...as mine was awful last year."
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:19, Reply)

Well I am emotionally stunted so that's OK then.
But I wouldn't go so far as saying I'm a twat.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:14, Reply)

It's actually phsycologicly impossible to be depressed when you've got a dog.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:15, Reply)

I truly agree with you.
Unless you had a really shit dog, one of those small yappy ones.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:16, Reply)

Even the yappy ones have their place in the world.
I think the only kind of dog I don't like are Staffys.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:19, Reply)

I hated Staffies until I met Tourette's dog.
She's ace.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:21, Reply)

I'm sure it's more than lovely and playfull.
And I can see how some people like them, but I just don't like the look of them.

I quite like king charles spaniels, with their long hair, small head and floppy beards.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:25, Reply)

I always hated them as a kid because my aunt had one that was vicious
We genuinely didn't tease it, but it hated children and we only needed to walk into the room and sit down for it to start barking at us. My mum decided that we must have done something to tease it and we'd get told off. I swear that dog would sneer at us, perched atop its human mountain.

Love them now, congenital heart defects and all :)
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:33, Reply)

My uncle has always had very cuddly friendly Staffs
and this is coming from someone who is scared of ferocious-looking breeds.
It's mainly about the owners I think.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:23, Reply)

Just like children?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:25, Reply)

Completely
Does your child have ADHD, or is he just a twat?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:28, Reply)

aww those are sweet though

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:24, Reply)

I regularly get 'Mummy' cards from the cat (really from my mum)
This year I got on board and got a grandparent card for her and Dad.
I feel I've violated the cat's dignity.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:11, Reply)

oh my god, I used to get the same thing, convenient packs of 10 different scents of body wash and lotion
I fucking hate lotion plus the body wash makes me itch and you've got to use half the bottle to get it to lather
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:07, Reply)

didn't get any bubble bath this year
does this mean people assume I won't wash?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:10, Reply)

The BBC has just used the word 'airplane' on its ticker tape news thing.
I'm starting to support Murdoch's campaign to destroy the BBC.
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:28, Reply)

Burning them on a pile of dictionaries is too good for 'em.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:31, Reply)

Oh, don't tell me that...
I love the BBC :(
I hate badness with words.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:32, Reply)

Some fucker has eaten all the hazel whirls.
There's only those purple hazel in caramel ones left and I hate those.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:37, Reply)

Would some fucker be you when you were pissed?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:40, Reply)

Nah, it was Catface's Uncle Barry, he tells me.
I would go so far as to eat the dark chocolate ones when pissed but I draw the line at the purple ones or the strawberry or orange creams. Man, who'd eat those creams voluntarily?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:44, Reply)

I think I'd eat a strawberry before a darky
Them darkies...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:47, Reply)

Once you've had Black Magic you'll never go back.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:49, Reply)

So long as it's not that untrustworthy Bourneville...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 22:10, Reply)

Save them til you come to London next and I'll happily eat them
Everyone usually eats them before I get to them and leaves the ones I hate like toffee pennies and the green triangle of doom
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:42, Reply)

I like the toffee pennies. We can trade.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:44, Reply)

Sweet, totally doing that

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:49, Reply)

I like coffee creams.
I am not scared of being a social pariah.
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:50, Reply)

I actually looked for the coffee creams this year as we got so much chocolate at work. The SA nurse had never seen a lot of it before
so I was showing her the best chocolate and explaining how no one I knew (until now of course) would willingly eat some of the more random flavours.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:54, Reply)

The Green Triangle of fucking HEAVEN you mean!!
Save them for me. If I don't spend all my money by mid-January I intend to visit our country's capital. Clear me a space on your floor. You know what happens in the night when I have no sleeping bag...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:49, Reply)

Hoorays :)

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:54, Reply)

You love my musical farts
Even in your sleep i heard you mutter "Play it again, Sam"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 21:59, Reply)

Jeez!
If all it took to get you to visit over here was a box of Quality Street then I would have bought one.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 22:52, Reply)

Oh you daft bint!
Get them in. If you get a couple of Big Green Ones I'll even do your feet with the foot grinder and some peppermint lotion.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 23:04, Reply)

kept on trying to make it through the night
but I couldn't get it right
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 23:21, Reply)