Don't really move that fast over here, does it?

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:11, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That's because the people that usually post here
are talking to real people and eating their dinners.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:17, Reply)

I'm eating real people.

( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:18, Reply)

CLEMDERS!!!!!!!!
How's my favourite BFF in the whole world?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:21, Reply)

Clearly busy eating people

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:36, Reply)

SORRY!
Was on teh phone to Tourette's!
I'm OK Al, but I miss my BFF :(
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:45, Reply)

I fear with your new phone, I may have to call you the Clendertron
I'm not quite sure why though
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:03, Reply)

That's almost like Spak's name for me.
*ponders*
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:13, Reply)

Oh fuck. Sticking to Clendrix quite happily
*applies adhesive*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:13, Reply)

*sticks*

( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:21, Reply)

At 9pm?!

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:19, Reply)

They require extra time for dinner as they are all such LOLFATTIES

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:22, Reply)

This is an answer I enjoy.

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:23, Reply)

Not as much as they enjoy their burgers and chips and suet puddings.
They enjoy eating their dinners more than Gonz enjoys talking about his.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:25, Reply)

Watching slumdog millionaire is making me hungry

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:37, Reply)

I like Indians, but I couldn't eat a whole one.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:38, Reply)

Oh I so could.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:40, Reply)

Actually, a couple of pints of lager to go with it and I could make a dent.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:42, Reply)

I wouldn't want to be me the following morning, though.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:42, Reply)

And it burns, burns burns!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:43, Reply)

But only when you eat their spleen

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:43, Reply)

Mmmm. Spleeeeen.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:53, Reply)

Best of all the functional organs

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:03, Reply)

haha.
i like here.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:24, Reply)

Tell me a story.
One I haven't heard before.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:26, Reply)

Simon was a young boy, much like any other.
   The sort of child you can hardly see, sometimes. If Simon had not suffered from a rare affliction it is doubtful that even his parents would have remembered his name, or his face.
   For you see, Simon simply had too much blood. If it wasn't flowing from his nose it was weeping from his gums. If it wasn't dripping from his fingers it was seeping through his shoes. But his body would not stop. It kept producing more and more, and it never stopped.
   The doctors tried to help him. They covered him in bandages one time, but they quickly became sodden. He had to be washed clean in the garden; his father hosing him down while the neighbours peered over the fence.
   Next the doctors tried covering him in wax, and at first it worked, until they noticed Simon was getting redder and redder, his face slowly expanding while tears rolled silently down his cheeks. Everyone frantically tried to scrape the wax away before he burst like his birthday balloon.
   Eventually the doctors tired of Simon, and they let him go home. His parents covered the carpets in plastic and let him drip where he pleased. It was on the third night back when they found him drowned in the cellar. His blood continued to flow and flow, even though he no longer lived.
   His mother began to cry and cry. Poor Simon, she thought. But her husband was made of sterner stuff. "Stop your crying, my dear", he said, "This could turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened to us." He wiped away her tears as he whispered his plan into her ears.
   Two weeks later they opened their shop, the finest sausage shop in the entire country. Their speciality dish was their Black Pudding, and people came from miles around to buy it. "Come in, come in", Simon's father would say, "And try the finest family-made food you will ever taste."
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:28, Reply)

I liked that one
well done. Gets a click from me.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:34, Reply)

ok, this is a good one that happened but please excuse how i say it as i am on sedatives and a bit brainwonky.
I was in the pub with friends, and a stranger was trying to chat up one of us all night. Later on, two of our group were outside snogging each others faces off. The stranger said to me "cor look at them, makes you sick don't it" to which i responded "you're telling me, she's my wife" at which point the male snogger, a terrible man, stopped snogging his missus and said "it's okay, she's my sister" the stranger ran away, and our friend whom the stranger was wanting a piece of was most upset with us and our incredible wit.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:47, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:56, Reply)

i am of course lying about who said what,
but the story itself is true.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:56, Reply)

WE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:58, Reply)

Clendrix I need a poo
but I've already had two poos today, does this mean I have a poorly tummy? I don't want a poorly tummy as I'm going skiing tomorrow.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:00, Reply)

Talk about a brown run.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:02, Reply)

you may just have eaten too much.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:03, Reply)

I want to go skiing once, maybe me you and clindrix can go?
I saw a film once about skiiing, and because the first guy finished so fast compaired to the second guy, she then did other things to the second guy.

It all looked like fun.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:06, Reply)

Are you fucking mental?
Well yes, I suppose you are.
I have tried skiing. It now resides in the past forever.
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:08, Reply)

I've never been.
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=skiing
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:20, Reply)

Two poos but how many cups?
You'll be fine. Try not to ruin the snow.
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:09, Reply)

it's rude to eat other people's dinners, al

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:27, Reply)

I wasn't eating them, it's those other fat cunts on here.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:34, Reply)

God fucking damnit!
There's only one fat Al.
ONE FAT AL.
And Wookiee owns him.
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:47, Reply)

O HAI CLENDRIX.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:52, Reply)

HAIDY Tightlers
I miss you and your hammy ways :(
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:55, Reply)

Well then, madam, I suggest you hie thee to a hostelry and I shall meet you there.
Not now, obviously, I'm watching Liverpool be SHIT.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:00, Reply)

He touches his ham all the time
Hamtoucher.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:00, Reply)

Spamtoucher

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:02, Reply)

I love spam

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:02, Reply)

Spam Spam Spam Spam

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:03, Reply)

I have to touch my own.
Yours is all cheesy.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:02, Reply)

I crumble doritos on top and grill it.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:03, Reply)

It makes it rough.
Mmm...rough.
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:10, Reply)

I was busy drinking gravy
and touching lard
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:29, Reply)

that's so hott
tell us more
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:32, Reply)

Sometimes she rubs her hands in olive oil
and then picks up breadcrumbs.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:35, Reply)

Aaah, the old 'breaded intruder'
a favourite of mine
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:38, Reply)

Oh great ! That's fantastic ! How am I supposed to get home now?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:55, Reply)

Boris has banned tube wanks.
You'll have to get a cab.
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:56, Reply)

I went to the cab office yesterday, I mentioned that "I might have been quite ill in one of our cabs", and they wern't sure what I was talking about.
WIN ! I THREW UP IN SOME OTHER CAB FIRM'S CAB !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:00, Reply)

Ooh Well Done.
Good choice of vomit recepticle.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:01, Reply)

I heard that CabWanks are frowned upon now too.
Bloody PC brigade, denying us our public onanism. I blame immigrunts and nu liar bore.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:01, Reply)

I blame the muslims
they want sharia law so we can't wank in our cabs.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:02, Reply)

I bet if you went to umma gumma land or wherever they wouldn't let us wank in their cabs.
That's so backward.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:04, Reply)

I bet they'd go for titwanks

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:08, Reply)

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
BREASTS :O)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:40, Reply)

Bum gravy and lardons?

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:32, Reply)

Awww yeeeeah

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:33, Reply)

I knew it.

(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:37, Reply)