Tell me a story.
One I haven't heard before.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:26, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Simon was a young boy, much like any other.
   The sort of child you can hardly see, sometimes. If Simon had not suffered from a rare affliction it is doubtful that even his parents would have remembered his name, or his face.
   For you see, Simon simply had too much blood. If it wasn't flowing from his nose it was weeping from his gums. If it wasn't dripping from his fingers it was seeping through his shoes. But his body would not stop. It kept producing more and more, and it never stopped.
   The doctors tried to help him. They covered him in bandages one time, but they quickly became sodden. He had to be washed clean in the garden; his father hosing him down while the neighbours peered over the fence.
   Next the doctors tried covering him in wax, and at first it worked, until they noticed Simon was getting redder and redder, his face slowly expanding while tears rolled silently down his cheeks. Everyone frantically tried to scrape the wax away before he burst like his birthday balloon.
   Eventually the doctors tired of Simon, and they let him go home. His parents covered the carpets in plastic and let him drip where he pleased. It was on the third night back when they found him drowned in the cellar. His blood continued to flow and flow, even though he no longer lived.
   His mother began to cry and cry. Poor Simon, she thought. But her husband was made of sterner stuff. "Stop your crying, my dear", he said, "This could turn out to be the best thing that has ever happened to us." He wiped away her tears as he whispered his plan into her ears.
   Two weeks later they opened their shop, the finest sausage shop in the entire country. Their speciality dish was their Black Pudding, and people came from miles around to buy it. "Come in, come in", Simon's father would say, "And try the finest family-made food you will ever taste."
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:28, Reply)

I liked that one
well done. Gets a click from me.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:34, Reply)

ok, this is a good one that happened but please excuse how i say it as i am on sedatives and a bit brainwonky.
I was in the pub with friends, and a stranger was trying to chat up one of us all night. Later on, two of our group were outside snogging each others faces off. The stranger said to me "cor look at them, makes you sick don't it" to which i responded "you're telling me, she's my wife" at which point the male snogger, a terrible man, stopped snogging his missus and said "it's okay, she's my sister" the stranger ran away, and our friend whom the stranger was wanting a piece of was most upset with us and our incredible wit.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:47, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:56, Reply)

i am of course lying about who said what,
but the story itself is true.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:56, Reply)

WE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 21:58, Reply)

Clendrix I need a poo
but I've already had two poos today, does this mean I have a poorly tummy? I don't want a poorly tummy as I'm going skiing tomorrow.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:00, Reply)

Talk about a brown run.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:02, Reply)

you may just have eaten too much.

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:03, Reply)

I want to go skiing once, maybe me you and clindrix can go?
I saw a film once about skiiing, and because the first guy finished so fast compaired to the second guy, she then did other things to the second guy.

It all looked like fun.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:06, Reply)

Are you fucking mental?
Well yes, I suppose you are.
I have tried skiing. It now resides in the past forever.
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:08, Reply)

I've never been.
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=skiing
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:20, Reply)

Two poos but how many cups?
You'll be fine. Try not to ruin the snow.
( thealternativefact, Wed 13 Jan 2010, 22:09, Reply)