I'm a Berliner

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:06, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You are Eddie Izzard AICMFP.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:08, Reply)

I hereby declare owing
Mr. Tugnut five of the finest internet pounds.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:18, Reply)

Yes!!!
*tries to slide on knees in office like Wayne Rooney after a goal*

*gets carpet burns on knees*
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:20, Reply)

Dammit!
You beat me by, oh, a good 45 minutes.

Izzard FTW.
(ConanTroutman thought we would free the vulture, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:55, Reply)

Ich habe nach Berlin auch gewöhnen

( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:10, Reply)

awwww
he wasn't being serious :(
( djtrialprice, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Oh dear
Sorry! I am a donut.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:17, Reply)

Badum-tish!

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:19, Reply)

Truly excellent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:20, Reply)

kartoffelkopf

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:29, Reply)

(in English) Thanks
D'oh!

Back to ze cooler for me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:32, Reply)

My grandad calls me "mein kleine kartoffel"

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:32, Reply)

One of mine was a General
In the closing stages of WWII he saw some atrocities that flipped him out somewhat, and he started summarily executing German POWs personally, rather against the old Geneva Convention.

Perhaps your story is a little cheerier.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:38, Reply)

Yeah, my grandad just likes saying things in forrin...
That sounds grim, Mont.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:39, Reply)

Just a touch, eh?
He was a right-wing bastard himself, bless him.

Best ever mental racist quote:

'The Chinese are ruining Toronto. They're turning it into a miniature Lebanon.'


Eh?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:45, Reply)

Oh dear
Sounds like the Geneva convention was left at the door.

I can understand his anger though....that amount of horror must do something to your mind. Summary juuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssttttiiicceeee would be the only solution
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 15:56, Reply)

I understand too, but he did some bad things.
From what my father has said, towards the end of the war when the Jerries were getting rather desperate, they turned to the use of 'wolves' - kind of brainwashed child suicide bombers. They weren't hugely effective as they were easily captured.

Yes, my grandfather shot some children.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:08, Reply)

In the arena of war, things happen that defy comprehension
Things that could send you insane, like what you just described for example. How many of your pals would you see blown up or maimed by one of these 'wolves' before you started shooting before you asked any questions.

Not very many.

I suppose after you had killed 5 or 6 people, and seen many of your own blown to pieces, run over by tanks etc. You would be pretty desensitised, and would effectively become a killing machine. Well, at least being very capable of ending someone's life without much in the way of a second thought.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Someone did a study
based on an estimate of the ammunition supplied and the numbers killed; it suggested that the vast majority of soldiers on each side was shooting high, or into the ground, or something like that.

I realise that I'm going to get a ton of ^{[citation required]} responses to that: I can't remember where I saw the research, though.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I've heard that too
...but I suspect it was on QI.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:30, Reply)

doesn't surprise me
I'm so trigger happy when paintballing or playing computer games that I have no reason to believe I wouldn't be in a real war situation.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:33, Reply)

the implication of the study
was that a large proportion of soldiers were deliberately missing because they couldn't face shooting people, I think.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:38, Reply)

it's more likely that they were just shit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:39, Reply)

when you look at today's squaddies
I think your interpretation is fairly watertight.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:47, Reply)

I met some squaddies at Donnington
a few years back. They were surprisingly nice people.

But they were Scottish, so I think that's probably why.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:49, Reply)

When you factor in the consideration
that on my father's side of the family we have been in documented military command for several hundred years - including generation after generation of truly brutal Border warfare for and against the English, the desensitisation (is that a word?) was already massively ingrained before he'd seen a moment's action.

My father and his brothers used to have to line up in their kilts for inspection and they all called him 'sir' until the day he died. A formidable soldier but a rather poor human being as a result.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:28, Reply)

it's a wonder you have turned out to be such a stable and well-rounded individual

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:34, Reply)

we're using this (!), nowadays
EDIT perhaps it does explain a lot, eh? Never thought of how all of that might have affected me, actually.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I choose not to
it is up to you to decide whether or not I'm being sarcastic
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:36, Reply)

Ha! Cryptic....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:37, Reply)

He was being saracastic
you're a fucking mental case.

When are we getting our Tayyabs on then?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:38, Reply)

No - he wasn't was he?

Fucking soon I hope. I'm raring for a good old chopfest.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:40, Reply)

I just don't know any more....
I'm still conducting a feasibility study regarding coming up to eat meat.

I think my financial backers may need a slightly better reason than that though...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Tell Mrs Vipros
if she doesn't let you come, you will lose face in front of the whole internet. Tell her face is very important to your people.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:46, Reply)

And if she still doesn't get it
...show her the hairy side.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:48, Reply)

all sides of my face are hairy

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:51, Reply)

The phrase refers to hands, not faces I believe
It's another of those good old hilarious 'domestic violence' jokes.

When's the cooker coming?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:55, Reply)

ah, now I get it!
tomorrow morning
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:58, Reply)

my people?
I think she thinks we are all a bunch of mentals to be honest.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:51, Reply)

For God's sake don't show her this thread then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:55, Reply)

fortunately she doesn't read b3ta at all

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Come on now
Did you not even stop to reflect last night when you rounded up and executed 25 snood wearing German tourists?
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:39, Reply)

haha they WERE looking at me a bit funny after that, in my local,
now you come to mention it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Fuck 'em, they're Bosh as well
Get them, before they get you. Hurry, before they know you're on to them.



*passes bag of grenades*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Joking aside
Posting all this shit has been rather revelatory to me.

I'm going to be thinking about this a lot. I'm 50% professional murderer. Even my old man, who ended up as a chemical engineer and then a teacher/chaplain flew jet fighters for a spell.

My brother and I have broken the CHAIN OF DEATH, it seems.

EDIT hopefully my daughter will be a serial killer, or something.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:59, Reply)

killing us with boredom/stupidity/ugliness doesn't count?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 17:05, Reply)

Nope. Not from where I'm sitting.
Righto, I am off to Leighton Buzzard.

See ya
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 17:07, Reply)

what a coincidence, I'm off to Ackrington Kestrel...
*dies*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 17:08, Reply)

Up until now, that is.
Let the bloodbath commence!

I know there are still wars and what not grinding on at the moment, but the lack of actual World Wars and conscription etc mean that the people who are out doing the killing, are doing so out of choice, to a certain extent.

The thought of being 'called up' and given a gun after a weeks and told to get on with it is a horribly chilling and happened within living memory, so there is every possibility that it could happen again....I would just tell them i was a junkie bender autism, and hopefully get told to fuck off.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 17:08, Reply)

At least he wasn't German.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 16:35, Reply)