Dilemma for the lovely /offtopic people
I perhaps we could sort out someone else's ishooos today, and to this end have been perusing Tim Westwood's twitter page, and found this nugget:

"how do you get out of the friend-zone with a female friend & into the smashing zone? let me know. I'm on 1Xtra till 7"
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:41, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God I wish i wish I was into that music he plays
He makes me laugh so much.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:45, Reply)

He is hilarious
He's recently taken to having his voice reverbed and volumed up so it sounds like the voice of God - he can squash his guests by shouting over them.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:50, Reply)

But yeah
Really really awful music. In hip-hop terms, he does not represent.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:52, Reply)

i love his voice-effects and sound-effects. HE HAS THUNDER AND LIGHTING AND EXPLOSIONS.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

DAMN, THAT'S A HOT JOINT
IT'S GETTING BIG UP IN HERE!

BANGING IN YOUR FACE!

BOOM! www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/westwood/soundboard.shtml
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:56, Reply)

Ever seen him on Pimp My Ride?
There was one where, for no reason, they did this effect where the were FOUR Westwoods on this wall, and one of the Westwoods was 'holding' a plasma-ball effect between his hands.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:59, Reply)

I saw one episode
where he kept mocking this girl for being a "hippy". She looked confused and a bit frightened while her camper van was turned into what is now surely the laughing stock of her neighbourhood.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:16, Reply)

I saw that!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:33, Reply)

You need to listen to some quality hiphop to get a feel for the genre
I could give you some pointers.

6 Feet Deep - The Gravediggaz
Temples of Boom - Cypress Hill
Run Come Save Me - Roots Manuva
( djtrialprice, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)

The Herd
Best hiphop ever!!!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:10, Reply)

i want to play
Mos Def - Black On Both Sides
A Tribe Called Quest - The Low-End Theory
Quannum - Spectrum
Jurassic Five - Quality Control

These are all a little old but still great.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:11, Reply)

I'm mates with Jurassic 5
WOW!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Goodie Mob - World Party
Pharcyde - Bizarre ride to the Pharcyde
Outkast - Southernplayalisticcadillilacmusic
Jay Z - The Blueprint
Beastie Boys - License to Ill
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Don't get me started.
UK:
Style Wars by Hijack
every Demon Boyz record ever made
Money Mad by London Posse
Movement by SL Troopers
I'm Riffin' by MC Duke

I could go on....

US
Make Room by The Alkaholiks
Can I Get Open by Original Flavor
any Lord Finesse record ever
Don't Scandalise Mine by Sugar Bear
Dope on Plastic by Uptown


I might as well stop this list as I could literally go on all day.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Awesome
I'm in the mood for some hip-hop and don't know any of those
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:27, Reply)

I have literally thousands of hip hop records
If you like these I shall gaz you a massive list.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:32, Reply)

make us a mixtape and post it somewhere
go wan!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 13:43, Reply)

YES

(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 22:19, Reply)

Best Westwood advice ever:

"Wrap it up before you slap it up!"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Yeah!
His twitter page was at its funniest when he was trying to smuggle 1000s of condoms with that slogan on the packets onto a plane to Ayia Napa.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

That is most sage advice.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:55, Reply)

To actually answer the question,
have a big argument, then get drunk together.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:57, Reply)

There's a girl round here I'm pretty sure is hot for my ass
She recently sent me a friend request on facebook with a nice message.

It's weird, because my last words to her in real life were something like "fuck off you thick harpie, get the fuck out of my life and take your coven of shitcunts with you"
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I assume every friend request is an offer of sex.
It makes facebook slightly more interesting.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:13, Reply)

You tease you

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I said it in a really sexy tone of voice

(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Consider your typical thick harpy relationship
She probably thinks having abuse screamed at her is foreplay.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:36, Reply)

This is pretty much true
As far as i can make out.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 22:19, Reply)

He's mad crazy.

( Peej, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:02, Reply)

rohypnol
or if you want to be classy, try a cocktail of my own invention called a 'Rojito' - I'm sure you can figure out what's in it.

rafter
baz

ps - I have never raped anyone (this is a (n admittedly tasteless) joke.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Tim Westwood, oh dear.
Imagine a sunday lunch at his parents house.

"Tim, pass the gravy please."
"Yo bitch here it at"
"That's no way to speak to your mother Timothy, go to your room."
"What I do god man? Is dis da Babylon?"
"Tim, you're fucking 52, why don't you act your fucking age?"
"Sorry father. If I go to my room, can we have trifle later?"
"Yes Tim, there's a good boy."

Apologies for lack of authentic Westspeak.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Tim Westwood
is a carrot cruncher, I wish he would admit it and pimp a Massey Ferguson
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Westwood is fucking BRILLIANT.
The music he plays is shit - but that's not even his fault. He is paid by the BBC to play the latest rap hits, which he does - it's just a shame that these hits are invariably dismal.

He was a massively important player in the early years of the UK hip hop scene, playing British artists on the Capital Rap Show and putting them on in Dingwalls etc. He was the producer of pivotal UK classic 'Money Mad' by the fucking SUPREME London Posse.

He doesn't take himself remotely seriously and is a really, really sound bloke. Plus he once said 'my cheese game is strong' - making him OBE material in my eyes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:16, Reply)

He is actually very likeable and surely knows how funny he is
Would be nice if just for once he played some decent tunes though. I didn't know about the place in hip-hop history stuff, but there was something on twitter the other day about a garage full of vinyl that was intriguing.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I phoned him up years ago when I was feeling down
Just phoned radio 1 and got straight through to him. He told me to "take it easy". I thought that was nice.
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:31, Reply)

I'd like him more if he'd pimp my 205

( Peej, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 12:10, Reply)

The Friend Zone - Shamelessly copied from another forum:
The Friend Zone
"Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love."

Ah, the most dreaded of social relationships. You say hello, you chat a bit, and suddenly, she's unburdening her deepest fears and telling you all the things she hates about her boyfriend/men in general. Score, right?

No.

See, somewhere along the line, you failed to make your predatory interest known. You're hearing this because you're "such a good friend" or " a great listener." This is not a good place to be, but fear not, my friend. It CAN be overcome. (I know, I've done it.) The big thing here, really, is that you must make clear the fact that while you're interested in her sexually/romantically. We might think it, but they really can't read your mind. You have to make your desire known. Otherwise, off to the Zone with you, and there you stay, while some guy with more confidence in himself and expressing his wants comes along and you get the lovely experience of listening to her jaw off about how great her new boyfriend is, and (and this is the best part) how great he is in bed, etc. Great, right?

I'll give you a second to finish cringing and removing those imaginary shards from your heart, and we'll get started on this again.

So, you're fishing about, trying to make your interest known. But how, how do I do it you ask? Simple. No, really, it is. You know those sexual comments and off-color jokes you find bouncing through your head, but were afraid to say out loud? Go ahead and do it. Not too much, not at first, but bit by bit, work those into the conversation. What you're going for here is to have her associate you with sex in her head. This is a slow process, and fraught with peril, so proceed with caution (but proceed!).

Alright, you're making off-color comments and racy jokes now...what next? My own personal take is to listen to her. She's been busy, for the last few days/weeks/months/years (you poor bastard) telling you everything she hates about her boyfriend or men in general. This is AMMUNITION, by god. The Marines would kill for Intel half this good. Your job, now, is to show her how you're the diametric opposite of what she hates. She hates crude and raunchy? Buddy, rent some 007 movies, you've got a new role model. She hates men who can't be 'manly?' Take a look through Men's Health or Maxim at the book store. Lots of interesting tips and tricks there, without having to pretend to be an evolutionary throwback. One thing, though. Be yourself. Always, always, always. There's a fine line between showing her your best, and trying to be something you're not. Present your best facets to her, but don't pretend to be something you're not. That way lies only resentment when you get tired of the charade.

From here, you'll generally expand the sexual comments to include her, or allude to the two of you. Your goal is to shift the focus from her seeing you as a sexual person, instead of a relatively neuter "friend" to now see the possibility of the two of you together. Young padawan, I cannot, and we cannot, give you terribly good advice on this. Go ahead and post your situation, but there are so many variables here, it's going to be difficult. But hey, you're a geek, you're a smart guy, you can figure it out, right? Right? (Say yes now....good.)
(bill, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 13:38, Reply)