If you could do anything, absolutely anything right now, what would you do?
Apart from start a new thread.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:30, 131 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fly through space in my super awesome spaceship
yeah
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Would it have
whooshers and PEOW PEOW PEOW?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:33, Reply)

Oh you know it!
*high fives*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:34, Reply)

That's so fresh.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:34, Reply)

fly through the skies with my super awesome flying powers
Hell yeah
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:38, Reply)

YES!

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:41, Reply)

Pause the world for ages,
find out what's going wrong,
try to work out how to fix it.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:35, Reply)

And have a look at some people naked.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:38, Reply)

much more time would be spent on the latter
before spending 5 minutes on the former, giving up and repeating the process
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Nah, I think that there's no problem in the world that is totally insurmountable.
It's just that the world changes so quickly no one can keep on top of it all.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:46, Reply)

so we're good to keep looking
at people naked then?
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Everyone needs a hobby.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:01, Reply)

There's been this knocking noise for a while now.
We really should get it seen to.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Go down to the river

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:36, Reply)

What's at the river?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Mainly the river
But also the boats and the Liver Birds and that, and a statue of Billy Fury.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:41, Reply)

I think I was looking for a slightly more philosophical response.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:44, Reply)

You asked what was there
I go to talk to various version of myself that have visited there over the years, and see what they think of what I'm doing with their future.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Much better, thankyou.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:52, Reply)

And it's true
I always go around New Year, around my birthday and in the summer. To the same spot.
And whenever something terrible or something amazing happens.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:55, Reply)

That's actually really quite sweet.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I don't know why I need to go there to do it.
I could talk to myself on the sofa.But I feel like I'm actually making a proper visit when I go there.
And I love rivers anyway.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I can heartily recommend
Buddy Miles' version of 'Down by the River'. It's a fucking gorgeous tune.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:24, Reply)

is it gonna make me cry?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Possibly.
It's about a chap who shoots his missus. It's a beautiful song though - I think the fact that it sounds like a soppy love song but is actually about murder is why I love it so much. He drummed for Jimi Hendrix for a while too, which makes him tip-top in my eyes.

What may appeal to you more, is that in the 80s, having done time for drugs etc he found a second career as the frontman for the California Raisins.

/mine of useless information
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Amazin' Raaaisins!
EDIT: I'm listening and I like it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:55, Reply)

where the wild roses grow?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:40, Reply)

if by roses you mean pee-the-beds and seagulls
then yes
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Well seeing as I'm at work the'now
Absolutely anything would be a better alternative.

But being forced to choose I wouldn't mind it being summer again and following a nice lunch-time BBQ and a swim in the North Sea, a mighty mighty late afternoon beer sesh.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I could point out that I wrote my epic
heart breaking QOTW answer. But I don't want you to vote for it 'cos that's vote rigging and I'd get banned.
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:41, Reply)

oh do it anyway
I promise not to gaz a mod (not that I know who the mods are)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

not really
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:43, Reply)

Just for that i'm going to gaz you
just as soon as an internet nastyman or internet nastywoman hurts my feelingzzz or sais I is ghey
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:46, Reply)

u iz ghey
trufax
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:48, Reply)

u so gonna get banned!
coz I is telling
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:49, Reply)

ok then
It's on page 11. I thought about increasing my vote count by ending it with "...I walked back to my empty home. Then I found her vibrator and totally fell on it right in my arse. rofl-copter!"
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:46, Reply)

"Needless to say..."

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:48, Reply)

See, that's why I've never "won" QOTW
I need to work on my delivery.
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Well it beats my story
about how Vanessa Paradis gave me the horn when I was 9
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I quite liked that one
I meant to click on the youtube links when I got home but forgot
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:15, Reply)

i've gone and done the bizness, you slag

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:56, Reply)

you... you
went out with a lady!?
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:20, Reply)

'Lady' is not a term I, my family, or friends would use when discussing her
Layabout spongeing crank usually does it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:39, Reply)

I would celebrate
the fact that my internet connection at work has finally been fucking fixed. According to my new best friend, 'ev'ryfing woz facked on it mate - the facking LOT.'


So, seeing as this was where the source of the problem was, it seems appropriate that I do a fitting dance:

*exchanges*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:46, Reply)

everytime I look at the popular page
and see your happy face it makes me do a big smile
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:47, Reply)

smile poo
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:55, Reply)

Ha.
Welcome back. Still busy?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:48, Reply)

Hugely
I don't like this 'earning my salary' shit one bit, I can tell you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:54, Reply)

It does suck goaty bollocks
but hopefully I'll be out and about soon. Looks like I've already lined-up about a day and a half a month of work so far, before I've even got close to starting. Sweet!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Excellent: good work sir.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:59, Reply)

*does dumbells*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:50, Reply)

I'd quite like to go for a dance.
Not sure where on a Tuesday afternoon, but my legs are fidgety.
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:47, Reply)

We could demand they open the Kraphouse?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:49, Reply)

She wants a dance not a dump.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:55, Reply)

I might combine my idea with yours
And we could go dance next to the Billy Fury statue?
(Mrs Ballunatic counting calories, not votes., Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Oh man, I'll bring the rasta blasta
and we'll give Billy a mohawk on his quiff!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I would like to have weightless sexehtime...
...in a spaceship; after we could watch the sun rise over the Earth and follow it up with some fajitas and a good nap.

Mexican lady astronauts, please gaz me now.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Mexico.
World leaders in intergalactic spicy food.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Areeeba areeeba, underlay underlay.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Mexican shagpile?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Speedy Gonzalas.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I think he said 'Andale' which is Spanish for 'faster'...
...rather than anything to do with carpets. But my memory isn't what it...erm...erm...yes.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Yes.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Murder my wife,
frame Al, get away with it and claim the life insurance. Then pay off my mortgage and live with my Lovely Daughter forever and ever happily ever after.

The End
( Peej, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Really?
your wife looks like a stunner (I know that's not the basis of a great relationship, but still...)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:00, Reply)

She's gorgeous
which is why I chased her fluffy tail down the rabbit hole.

But she's also fucking crazy.
( Peej, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Forgive me if I'm getting you mixed up with someone else
but is she the one with the, erm, missing libido?
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:24, Reply)

YES!

( Peej, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:30, Reply)

You are John Terry AICMFP!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Eat a cheeseburger
and steal a fast car.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:06, Reply)

At the same time?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Sure why not
I can steer with the cheeseburger hand and change gear with the free one. I'm stealing a car, I clearly have no idea of what’s right and wrong anymore!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Steal an automatic...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:19, Reply)

But I'm not an old man or an American?
Hmmm... it would help me eat my cheeseburger though... I'll think about it!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:30, Reply)

It keeps your hands free for other jolly japes too.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:49, Reply)

What
like sticking it to the man?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Oh I don't know about that.
Poor man.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Yo!
if you go to Avis and hire one I'll come with you.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Nah
I'm thinking theft. There's a rather lovely DB9 that I can see from my window... its just sitting there.

EDIT: You're still more than welcome to join me though - I could drive over and pick you up?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Just do not make a film about your exploits, OK?
Thelma and Louise was bad enough.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:20, Reply)

I'll try! :D

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:31, Reply)

If you go to Roota's in a DB9
it's bound to get stolen again. You can then hopefully blame the original theft on the next lot.
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:22, Reply)

That is a very valid point!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Oi

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Oh me nerves would be gone...
but I should stay true to my roots and do a bit of twocking, so yeah, why not!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Hurrah for twocking!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:38, Reply)

You're a wrong'un and no mistake!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:43, Reply)

You’d better believe it!

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Then we cross Quadrophenia with Thelma & Louise
by pushing a DB9 off the White Cliffs.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:56, Reply)

Why not
It'll fill up an afternoon! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Run away.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Where to?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Dunno.
If I knew where I could run away to, I'd have done it by now.
( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Come round mine
and bring the cats to tell tigger off
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:25, Reply)

*packs bags*

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:57, Reply)

*Hoovers the spare room*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:03, Reply)

I know what I want to do, just not sure it's a brilliant idea to tell you lot.
So I'll say fly to that continent over there and see that person.
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:20, Reply)

I'll be here waiting for you my love.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:22, Reply)

>:(
it's supposed to be a secret
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Ooops!

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I'm breaking up with you

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:34, Reply)

*prepares 'Mr Bump' plasters*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Well it was fun while it lasted.

( girlinthehole, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I'd have a beatbox battle with Buffy from the Fat Boys.
Unfortunately he was found to be a kiddie fiddler and then died, the fat cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:26, Reply)

from Vampire Slayer Fat Boys
+s a kiddie fiddler duty bound to protect the human race from vampires fat
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:32, Reply)

christ, I am stupid

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:35, Reply)

I'm sure this is fabulously witty
popular culture reference but I'm sorry to say it's wasted on me mate.

/old
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer!!
I was saddened that the TV series didn't stay true to the film by giving Buffy insane period pain every time a vampire was near. Kinda like a sadistic spider sense
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Errr, sounds excellent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:39, Reply)

it was lame anyway

( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Are you well?
Still OK with your home setup?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:56, Reply)

it's brill, ta
you okay?
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I am 'medium', I would say.
Bad weekend, but am generally OK, thank you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Go and have a smoke
wait.. there isn't actually anything stopping me from doing that!

My day has been far too busy :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Mine too
How are ya?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:35, Reply)

yeah not too bad thanks old chap
busy busy. Close to murdering work mate same old same old
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:37, Reply)

We'll give you an alibi
"She was totally online, gazzing us filth officer"
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:43, Reply)

awesome
if you can refrain from giving details of the filth that would be grand
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:45, Reply)

"That's right officer,
I didn't think the Magnificent Seven was physically possible either."
( djtrialprice, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Chase your dreams, badge.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:36, Reply)

buy tickets to Bahrain for the opening day of the F1 season
The news from the testing looks good.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Tip for the championship this year?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I reckon Massa is being overlooked
especially with his flying time in Valencia yesterday.

I'd like Hamilton to win it then bash Button round the head with it repeatedly until the sad bristle faced twat is dead and Lewis can dance on his grave in painted clogs.

Or Vettel to wiiiin.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:48, Reply)

yeah, Vettel seems a nice lad but there is feck all news coming out of the Red Bull camp
anyone but Schumacher will do me but it is pretty cool that there are four world champions with good cars - glad to see Ferrari pulling the finger out.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:52, Reply)

My gut instinct would be to go for the Red Bulls for the championship.
It'd be a toss-up between Webber and Vettel, depending on Webber's luck he could have it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Yup, both bloody great drivers but I fear their emotions work against them.
Jenson Button is a cold-blooded killer, man!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:58, Reply)

With a super-duper gay name.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Anything for love
but, Dr Tugnut2, I WON'T do THAT, you repulsive little shirter.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Monty, you terrible cunt!
You are blousier than the Women's section at M & S, so don't come all coy with me.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Who was it who said
'there are lies, and then there are DAMNED LIES...'


It was ME, just then. That's who.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Case dismissed!

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 2 Feb 2010, 14:05, Reply)