An open letter to all b3tans...
I am attempting to redress some kind of karmic balance both here on tinterweb and in the "real" world.
A lot of folks on b3ta (I reckon) came to the conclusion late on last year (or possibly earlier?) that I am an utter cunt whom everyone hates.
I can't really blame them. I was generally being an utter prick.
Not to attempt to absolve myself of personal responsibility but I was simply reacting very badly (i.e not coping) with two things:
1) my dad, with whom I have always had a difficult relationship (he is an alcoholic who has on a number of occasions beaten the shit out of my mother and myself) is dying of cancer.
2) my long-suffering mother has Parkinson's and has declined massively in the last year.
Surprise, surprise I have also finally admitted that I am an alcoholic too and am doing something about that.
I hope the b3tans concerned (you know who you are) can find it in their hearts, souls or whatever to forgive me for my past behaviour and let bygones be bygones.
Don't know what else to say at the moment so I shall leave it at that...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 11:48, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Step 1: ......

(Bazongaloid, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I guess step 1 would be to come up with some sort of 7 step plan or something...
If only the "old" b69 were here, I'm sure he could sort this out in a jiffy...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Step 3
world domination!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:07, Reply)

YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG
step 3 ...
step 4 PROFIT!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:08, Reply)

What the fluff happened to step 2?
Some kinda sneaky editing?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Step 2 is RUBBISH
"Sit down and talk about it with your mates down the pub"
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 15:17, Reply)

For me
World domination is always first in my plans
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Have you seen that Shrek film?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Saw the Christmas one, shreck the balls or summink.
Never saw t'original.
Relevance?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:13, Reply)

It's a whicked film, the first one.
You should check it out, there is a bit where they're on a bridge over lava and a dragon burns it but it's OK because it's towards the begining of the film so you know they survive.

And there is a bit where Lord Fawquar (voiced by Q from Star Trek) is interigating The Gingerbread Man and goes "Do you know the muffin man?" "The muffin man?" "who lives on drury lane" and, well, it doesn't really work in voice, but it made me laugh.

I reckon you could do with some Shrek in your life.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:19, Reply)

It was John Lithgow
not Q from Star Trek
(Bazongaloid, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Oh, they sound very similar, you must know your films quite well.
Did you know they did a sequal ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Nah...
It was Linlithgow
West Lothian
United Kingdom...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Gonz, you're doing it wrong.

You've not told him to quit uni, get a job, and consolodate all his loans into one easy monthly payment.

I love you Gonz
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:15, Reply)

LET'S ELOPE !
I think his problems are way beyond quitting uni, getting a job and consoldateing all his loans into one easy affordable monthly repayment plan. Maybe he should get a dog? Everyone loves dogs.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I fucking hate dogs.
They stink, spread toxicara and show off by licking their balls!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:54, Reply)

And THAT is exactly why you're scum of the earth, on par with Katie Price on the scale of things.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:56, Reply)

WTF?
Just cos I get jealous that I can't lick my own balls?
Sheeeeeeesh!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:03, Reply)

'cus you hate dogs, only scum hate dogs, scum who'll be better off dead, not only for themselves, but for everyone who comes in contact with them.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I only hate them out of jealousy.
Which means it's not proper hate.
Come on Gonzoid, let's have a hug (gay or straight, you choose) and find some middle ground here...
Can YOU lick yer own balls?
The interweb needs answers!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Hate is hate, and you hate dogs, you're scum, worst kind of scum, you're a dog-hating scum.
Christ, there arn't enough meds in the world that'll fix you, you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any other white man in history.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 14:23, Reply)

If I could manage that myself I would but anyway she'll be home from work in an hour.
You got me thinkin' ya know...
I don't atchly reckon I atchly hate dogs.
I hate the dirty fuckers who don't clean up after their dogs is what it is.
About 33 years ago (when I were but a lad of 7) one of my pals at school went blind from toxicara canis, a parasitic worm thingy carried by dogs and spread by dog poo. I think therein lies my opinion of dogs being dirty beasts.
And you still haven't answered my question, can you lick your own balls?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 14:45, Reply)

There is a very long list of who is allowed to lick my balls, I am not on that list.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 17:35, Reply)

I have an idea
How about hating the dirty fuckers that don't properly take care of their dogs, which is the reason they get parasites in the first place? I have a lovely dog; when I adopted him he had a belly full of worms and assorted nasties because the evil cunt that had him first had never taken care of him. We got him sorted out and make sure that he has regular tests to ensure that he doesn't have worms or parasites in the first place. He's never had any baddies since we've had him because we take care of our pets. NONE of my animals have ever had parasites, because I take care of them. Of course I pick up after him as well; but human parasites are rare in developed nations because we have good sanitation and good healthcare. If people just followed the same basic rules for their pets, we wouldn't have to worry about children being exposed to these awful things.

Hate where hate is due: The irresponsible pricks that don't make sure their animals are well-cared-for, thereby putting EVERYONE else at risk and making their animals miserable.

(END RANT.)
(herbivorous, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 3:52, Reply)

I owe you an apology too....
for shoving snow down your pants ;o)
Keep ahaad bonny lad x
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:39, Reply)

wai'wha'?
SNOW, down the pants? That's a whole side of you I did not know anything about.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:48, Reply)

'saaaarlreeeeet bonny canny pettle lass xxx
It provided much needed moisturising which proved essential for the annual whinnit removal!
X
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:56, Reply)

shiiit
well chin up sir, not a huge amount you can do for your folks apart from love them and be there for them, but good luck on the not drinking
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Shit indeed!
Loving someone who used to batter yer ma, let alone yerself is a toughy!
As for the drinking, well my GP is a very understanding and non-judgemental guy!
As is my darling wife.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:08, Reply)

yeah true
but loving him is the ultimate "fuck you, this is how much better a person I am than you will ever be"
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Fucking bob-on there dude!
"Living well is the best revenge"...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:12, Reply)

yep
had some rough stuff go on recently (hardly on your scale though) so concentrating on the people who mean the most to me (friends and family) is the plan for the future
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Darn tootin'!
But I must confess something...
The bit about living well being the best revenge...
I was quoting Mikey Stipe.
Fair enough he got it off popular culture but it was the REM track that came to mind.
Oooooooops, I've just outed myself on b3ta as a long-standing REM fan...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:27, Reply)

nothing wrong with REM
got a few of their old old albums rattling around somewhere
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 13:31, Reply)

You do realise we're gonna get flamed for this, yeah?
I heard that in some circles being an REM fan is punishable by hanging!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 14:04, Reply)

meh
i'm not the worlds most popular person here, and a bit of a lurker nowadays so I think I will survive
(Halfy By light alone, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 14:07, Reply)

fuck popularity
if being popular means making unprovoked personal attacks on people simply to deliberately make them feel like shit and being a fascist who tries to make everyone to do things the way you want.

The sort of people who are impressed by that kind of behaviour are not ones I'd want to be popular with...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Mon 15 Feb 2010, 21:03, Reply)

they were really good at glastonbury
in 99

*ducks*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 14 Feb 2010, 14:25, Reply)

They were fucking ace in Nottingham in '89...
the "Green" tour.
I still have my inside-out t-shirt!
Pretty good on the "Monster" tour in '96(?) too...
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 14 Feb 2010, 14:48, Reply)