I don't care
can you please insert a knob gag in future just to stop me ripping out both eyes with a spork in dispair that you post such irrelevant shit even by OT standards
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:16, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A horse walks into a bar
and the bar man says "why the long face?"

To which the horse replies "I was wanked off by Joe Swash on "farm yard celebrity insemination on ice last night"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:18, Reply)

ok
man in a dirty mac walks into a clock repair shop and says 'do you do repairs?' the woman replies 'yes, we do' so he whips his cock out on the counter and says 'well can you stick a couple of new hands and a face on this for me?'

what?
fuck you and your high standards.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Why is it always useful to have a drummer around when you're setting up a stage?

If he dribbles from both sides of his mouth, you know it's level.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Why are singers terrible at opening doors?

They can never find the right key and don't know when to come in.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Officelols
curse you
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I've got lots of these...

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Why do sounds engineers always say "One Two, One Two"?

So the drummer can make sure he has the right amount of sticks.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:34, Reply)

What do you call a swimming pool full of Bass players?

Vegetable soup.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:36, Reply)

What do you call a guitarist who's split up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:38, Reply)

How do you get two guitarists to play in perfect unison?

Shoot one.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:38, Reply)

What does a stripper do with her arsehole before going to work?
She helps him find his sticks and drops him off at band practice.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Ha!!
Brilliant! I've not heard that one before!
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:47, Reply)

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:51, Reply)

What did the bassist get on his IQ test?

Drool.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 11:53, Reply)

What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?
You only have to punch the information in to a drum machine once.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:06, Reply)

How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

And he wants to just stand there and let the rest of the world revolve around him.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:07, Reply)

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. There's a machine for doing that these days.
( djtrialprice, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I like the singer jokes
I'm sad though that in my new band I'm the singer and not the guitarist :(
( djtrialprice, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Hey man...
...you should ditch those guys and go solo. They are holding you back.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:14, Reply)

now you put it like that
it's so obvious
( djtrialprice, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:34, Reply)

What you need is a good manager.
Of course I used to do a bit years back but those days are long gone.

My - what a pretty mouth you have.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:37, Reply)

you jest
but I do have a lovely mouth.
( djtrialprice, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I'm about to take up position as guitarist in a new band.

I'm daunted.

I've been drumming for nearly 15 years and have been 'meddling' with guitar even longer. Not sure I can pull it off in a band situation...
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:21, Reply)

MTFU.
Of course you can - Brian May has been playing for decades and he is shite.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:34, Reply)

When you put it like that...

(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:35, Reply)

If you ever need a motivational speaker...
...i'm yer boy.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:48, Reply)

how many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. one to change the bulb and the other to say he could do it better.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 12:44, Reply)

Singers are ace, you git!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 16 Feb 2010, 13:04, Reply)